Much like New York State, gay and lesbian couples who are married in a place where same-sex marriage is legal will have their marriage recognized in Washington, DC beginning today.

So, if you were married in one of the states or countries that recognizes same-sex marriage, here is what you need to know about the new rights granted to you today in Washington, DC.

Of course, because of the Defense of Marriage Law, no federal benefits will be available to married same-sex couples.
_{© Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images}

I haven't watched the new incarnation of 90210, but I might start now. Rumor has it that Rumor Willis will be playing a lesbian on the show next season. She'll be playing a girl named Gia who is a "punky, cute lesbian who isn't afraid to speak her mind." And she works at the school paper. Just my kind of gal!

Rumor Willis is the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. As of now, she is slated to be on one episode. It would be nice if that got extended. I can't think of one network TV show that has an on-going lesbian character. Are there any? Enlighten me.
_{© Photo by Getty Images}

Yesterday the US military decided to fire Lt. Dan Choi. Even though he has given ten years of his life to the military, is a skilled Arabic translator and has severed in Iraq, Dan Choi is not wanted because he is gay. A military panel has recommended that Dan Choi be discharged for "moral and professional dereliction" under the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Even though President Obama promised us that he would do away with this archaic, discriminatory and unnecessary policy, he has made no moves to do so. In the meantime, our country is less safe, as 265 gay, lesbian or bisexual soldiers have been discharged since he took office in January.

Since President Obama is not taking action on this matter, it's time for members of Congress to step up. Lt. Dan Choi is asking that you sign a letter to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi by July 4th to begin the process to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Consider adding your name to the list before you head out to see fireworks this Independence Day.
_{© Photo of Dan Choi by David Paul Morris/Getty Images}

The patrons of The Stonewall Inn were fighting back against police harassment that hot summer evening in 1969. In some ways we've come a long way since then. But I was saddened and shocked to read several cases of police harassment and one video of a man being taunted and followed by a group of teenagers.

We Hate Gay People

A man posted a video on YouTube of his friend being harassed by a group of teenagers who shouted out that they hate gay people, "gay is not the way" and "F**k gay people." The men were leaving gay pride celebration in Minneapolis, MN when confronted by a group of 12-15 teens. Several people walk by, including a security guard and no one intervenes. The man being followed claims in the video that he is not scared, but how could he not be?
(Note: I just checked back on this video and I have to say, I feel sick to my stomach. The comments posted are so hate-filled. Who is posting these? There's violent homophobic comments and even more disturbing racist remarks. We will never defeat homophobia by fighting it with racism. I am ashamed. We in the LGBT community - assuming it is gay people posting the racist remarks- clearly also have a long ways to go. )

Gay Bar Raided by Police

Was it a raid or "alcohol beverage code inspection" as the police claim? Either way, seven men were arrested and one is in intensive care with head injuries after police showed up at a Fort Worth, Texas gay bar Sunday night. The police officers claim they were "groped" and acted appropriately. Bar patrons say nothing like that happened. Columnist Dan Savage is calling the police reaction the "gay panic defense." Human Rights Campaign is calling for an investigation.

Is No One Safe?

Going to a fundraising garden party at a older lesbian couple's home is not the first place I would think to fear being subject to police harassment. But apparently it happened in California. A 60-year-old lesbian and her partner were hosting a political fundraiser in their backyard when a neighbor called the police, saying the party was too loud. Details about what happened after the police arrived are disputed, but the woman claims she was thrown to the ground and her guests were pepper-sprayed and threatened with a taser.

All these events show that there is still much work to be done. Consider getting involved in an organization working for LGBT rights or join the National Equality March in Washington October 11, 2009.

What else can we do? Post your ideas in the comments section below.

I'm 21 with a 5-year-old son. My girlfriend who is my first real girlfriend ever and I have been together for seven months. I know that isn't that long, but I have known her for six years. In the time we have been together everything has been good, we made a home together and she gets along great with my kid.

My problem is in the bedroom. I have an extremely high sex drive. I seriously like to have sex at least once a day, and I know that's a little out of hand, so I try to control for the most part yet still would like to do so a few times a week. When we first got together we had sex 2 or 3 times a day, daily!

I find myself getting irritable and frustrated and starting arguments because of this situation. When I can get her to pay attention to me it’s all hand based with our clothes on, not that it's not good, but I can do that to myself!

I love her and wouldn't leave her for the world. Every other aspect of our relationship is great. We go to dinner, we cuddle, we make sure the other knows daily that we love each other, but as small as this is, it’s really getting to me. I'm not sure what to do.

I have tried talking to her about it, and sometimes, knowing it’s not right, I take small jabs at the situation whenever I see an opening for a sarcastic remark. (That's where my irritability usually comes in.) If there is any advice you can possibly offer please do. Something has to be done whether I lower my sex drive or hers heightens.
Hi Drive Heidi

Dear Heidi,

I see this is a frustrating issue for you, but dealing with your feelings by making jabs or sarcastic remarks certainly isn’t going to make your partner desire you more. As a matter of fact, it will probably have the opposite effect!

I honestly don't think it's realistic to expect your partner to have sex every day if her sex drive doesn't match yours. You're going to have to compromise. Two or three times a week might sound good to you, but how often does she want sex? Have you asked her?

You are not alone in this situation. According to Michelle Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage, one in every three couples suffers from sex drive differences. It might take some work and some willingness to compromise, but relationships CAN flourish, even when you don't have matching sex drives.

I recently helped another couple, where one had a low sex drive.

If you can't talk about it without it becoming too emotional, then I suggest you see a therapist to help talk about it.

Readers, what are your thoughts? Is sex every day too much to ask? What is a reasonable compromise?
_{© Photo by David Gould/Getty Images}

Today out gay congressional representative Barney Frank introduced the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) to Congress. The Employment Non Discrimination Act is a bill to create a federal law which would prohibit discrimination in employment based on sexual orientation or gender identity.

Why is ENDA needed? In 30 states you can be fired because you are gay, lesbian or bisexual. In 38 states you can be fired because you are transgender.

A similar bill was introduced in 2007, but stalled and failed to get support from the LGBT community because it did not offer protections for transgender individuals.

Want to get involved? Urge your representatives to pass Employment Non-Discrimination Act.
_{© Photo of Barney Frank by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images}

Does anyone out there follow celebrity blogger Perez Hilton? Personally, I find his blog to be invasive and rude. And now he's acting like weenie. It seems Perez was out partying with friends when he was confronted by will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas. Words were exchanged. Perez got pissed and called will.i.am the "F" word. You know, the anti-gay F-word. The one that got Isaiah Washington in trouble. Later Perez claims he was punched by Will.I.Am's manager. He posted a video on his site, claiming how he was this innocent victim of a battering, that he was behaving in a non-violent manner and how this was an unprovoked attack.

I'm not saying Perez deserved to be hit. I don't advocate violence. However, Perez cannot claim that calling someone a "Fa**ot" is non-violent. Words can and do hurt. They've been used against us as a community for centuries. And Perez, a gay man, should know better. But it's clear he doesn't.

GLAAD asked Perez to apologize for using that anti-gay word we would all like to see retired. Instead, Perez is refusing to apologize. According to TMZ.com he issued a statement:

I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent. While I doubt I will get an apology from GLAAD, nor do I expect one, I would just hope people know how difficult it is to intellectualize a situation and think rationally when a thug disguised as a musician is screaming at your face and intimidating you. I am just very fortunate and grateful that nothing more serious happened to me.

What do you think? Was Perez Hilton acting non-violently when he used the F-Word? Do you think he owes an apology to will.i.am and the gay community? Or is he being further victimized by GLAAD? Leave your comments below.
_{© Noel Vasquez/Getty Images}

Lilli Vincenz remembers the Stonewall Rebellion well. She was already an activist in the nascent "homophile" movement. As a member of The Mattachine Society, she helped organize pickets outside the White House to protest the treatment of gay and lesbian employees. She remembers hearing about, "Drag Queens throwing coins at the police and pulling out one parking meter. There was wonderful excitement in the air."

Lilli recounts her early depression at not knowing how or where to find other lesbians in the 1950s and the fateful trip she took Provincetown, Massachusetts, because she heard there were gay people there. She joined the Army to find lesbians, but eventually she was discharged for homosexual conduct. After the discharge, Lilli said, "I felt very free. I felt, I didn’t have to pretend anymore. It was very liberating." She immediately got involved with the gay rights movement and helped pave the way for gay and lesbian activists of today.

As the 40th anniversary of Stonewall approaches, Lilli Vincenz spoke with Lesbian Life about her early memories as a gay rights pioneer.
_{May 1967 Frank Kameny, Jack Nichols and Lilli Vincenz}

Today I checked in on the Lesbian Life Forum and I was startled to find that the first two posts I read had to do with domestic violence. The first is from a woman whose partner, after years of not drinking, started drinking again and recently punched her:

I have been with my partner (living with her) for over three years but in relationship for five years. Last night, her drinking went out of control and she punched me. I have 18 bruises up and down my neck, arm, face and chest from the episode that occurred last night. She was sober for 13 years and in the last year decided she could casually start drinking wine at home. Well, eight glasses later and I was being thrown against the garage door b/c I wouldn't let her leave. I wasn't willing to let her leave in a rage after she had been drinking. We have talked a lot today about this, but I still fear if this will be the last of it. This is the first time she has ever hit me...

The other is from a bisexual woman who's husband hit her after he found out she had a date with a woman.

I am bi-sexual and have had flings and a threesomes with current hubby involved. Our first date [with a new female friend].....My husband was going off at me because I decided to go out without him. He hit me. I moved out. Three days later he was begging me to come home, I went home. I was confused!!! believing I owed hubby a second chance as I was married to him...

I need to be clear about this. Physical abuse and battering is never okay. Even if someone has an affair or cheats. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, here are some things you need to know:

• Myths & Facts about Same-Sex Domestic Violence
• Are you a victim? Domestic Violence Questionnaire.
• Help and Resources for LGBT Affected by Domestic Violence
• Have you ever hit or threatened your partner? Help for batterers and perpetrators of domestic violence.

_{© Getty Images}

At first I was trying to give President Obama some space. As other gay activists grew impatient about his non-action on issues like "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" , Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and employment non-discrimination I wasn't too worried. After all, the President has some pretty big issues to deal with right now: the failing auto industry, health care reform, an economic crisis and two wars. Gay and lesbian issues can wait, right?

But as more time goes by, I'm starting to feel like a sucker. Remember the "Change we Can Believe In" signs? I did believe. I believed this one was going to be different from all those others. I heard him promise the gay community that he would repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and allow gay men and lesbians to serve openly in the military. I heard him promise to repeal the DOMA. I heard him talk about enacting hate crime legislation and the permanent partners act, allowing gays and lesbians sponsor their partners for immigration. I heard and I believed.

Non-action is one thing. But defending something he said he was against? That is exactly what the Obama administration has done this week by issuing a statement in a court case challenging the DOMA. Two gay men who were married in California filed a suit in federal court challenging the constitutionality of Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act. The Justice Department issued a memo that not only defended DOMA, but compared gay and lesbian relationships to those between cousins or an uncle and a niece.

He said he would repeal DOMA, now he is defending it. Can this man be trusted? Is he just another politician who told us what we wanted to hear so we would vote for him? Is this Bill Clinton all over again? (Bill Clinton claimed to be a friend of the gays, but he is the one who signed DOMA into law. He is the one who proposed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" as a "compromise", after promising to open the military up to gay and lesbian soldiers.)

Even the traditionally conservative New York Times ran an editorial decrying the administration's stance:

The brief insists it is reasonable for states to favor heterosexual marriages because they are the "traditional and universally recognized form of marriage." In arguing that other states do not have to recognize same-sex marriages under the Constitution’s "full faith and credit" clause, the Justice Department cites decades-old cases ruling that states do not have to recognize marriages between cousins or an uncle and a niece.

Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese issued a very strongly worded statement to President Obama:

"I cannot overstate the pain that we feel as human beings and as families when we read an argument, presented in federal court, implying that our own marriages have no more constitutional standing than incestuous ones."

President Obama today said he is going to announce that he is going to extend domestic partnership benefits to federal employees. But what will be included in those benefits? David Mixner speculates that because of DOMA, health care and retirement benefits will be excluded.

As the 40th anniversary of Stonewall approaches, we hope that our President will do more than issue a proclamation. We want change. Change that was promised to us.
_{© Photo Alex Wong/Getty Images}