How do you respond to a bigot?
Tuesday June 20, 2006
Here is a letter I received this morning.
Kathy,
I have a problem with gay pride week. I am a heterosexual, white, male, atheist, American. Over the years I have had friends and acquaintances who were homosexual, non white, religeous, female, non American, or some combination thereof. We could discuss our differences philosophically or in jest without offence and then go live our lives as we wished. None of us felt the need to advertise or the insecurity to flaunt our individual differences. I am embarrased for my homosexual friends who, I am sure, are as disgusted as I am with this public display of a private area of an individual's life.
Here's how I responded:
When the president calls for a constitutional amendment to outlaw marriage for heterosexual, white, male, atheist, Americans and the pope declares you perverted, then perhaps you will understand the need for gay pride. There is nothing wrong with celebrating who we are. The Irish do it on St. Patrick's day, Christians on Christmas and Latinos on Cinco de Mayo. Difference is what makes us who we are. And your difference is that you have a hard time with gay pride. So, why did you feel the need to tell me that? Live and let live, eh!
How would you respond? Write your comments below.
Kathy,
I have a problem with gay pride week. I am a heterosexual, white, male, atheist, American. Over the years I have had friends and acquaintances who were homosexual, non white, religeous, female, non American, or some combination thereof. We could discuss our differences philosophically or in jest without offence and then go live our lives as we wished. None of us felt the need to advertise or the insecurity to flaunt our individual differences. I am embarrased for my homosexual friends who, I am sure, are as disgusted as I am with this public display of a private area of an individual's life.
Here's how I responded:
When the president calls for a constitutional amendment to outlaw marriage for heterosexual, white, male, atheist, Americans and the pope declares you perverted, then perhaps you will understand the need for gay pride. There is nothing wrong with celebrating who we are. The Irish do it on St. Patrick's day, Christians on Christmas and Latinos on Cinco de Mayo. Difference is what makes us who we are. And your difference is that you have a hard time with gay pride. So, why did you feel the need to tell me that? Live and let live, eh!
How would you respond? Write your comments below.
Comments
The thing I hate more than anything is people going on and on about how OK they are with something. Your “embarrassment” shows how not ok you are. Even if you can’t relate, how can you begrudge people celebrating who they are? Gay’s aren’t forced to go celebrate at Pride & you are not forced to watch. My guess is by the way you sound, I wouldn’t be so sure the jests you made were completely without offense.
I agree that we have a right to have pride parades…My girlfriend and I have never been a secret, and everyone in our little conservative city, has probably seen us holding hands, walking down the street at one time or another. The only problem I have with the whole parade thing, is that alot of the things that are represented there, are not the true picture of what gays and lesbians are all about.I mean, no offense..but when you are watching a bunch of men in leather, with their bare a..es sticking out, and stuff of that nature…it doesn’t give a true picture of what the majority of us are about. My relationship with my gf is not about sex…or any of that stuff..it is about love, and respect, companionship and much more, than the sexual aspect of it. I think that is what so many straight people have a problem with. TO me…if we want people to see us as normal human beings, no different than anyone else, other than the fact that we love the same sex, than we shouldn’t give the impression that we’re all about leather and bondage and kinky lifestyles. Like I said…I’m all for pride..and being out and open about our relationships. I never for one second…kept my girlfriend of five years a secret, regardless of the consequences.However..teh people who know us and see us…know us for the depth of our love and emotional connection…not what we do in bed. That’s just my opinion, and it probably will be shot down….because it differs from many….but honestly, I have talked to MANY lesbians and gays, that didn’t appreciate some of the ways they were represented in these parades and other venues.
Well I am proud to be a lesbian. I love pride. Those who don’t like it…don’t go.
If you have a problem with it…too bad. There’s a lot of stuff I have a problem with, but if I went around telling Christians I wished they wouldn’t flaunt their religion in my face, or white males I wish they wouldn’t ruin the world with their *ick swinging and war waging, it might ruffle a few feathers.
As for leather…love it.
I realize some people feel the need to say what is on their mind because they have such a strong opinion. But you need to realize that that’s all it is-your opinion. It won’t change anyone’s way of thinking or who they love or how they choose to celebrate it. I feel that gay pride is the only way we can get it through some of those thick skulls in the government. AND, its how is our personal way of being okay with who we are. Straight people take that for granted because it is the “norm”. Or that is how it is seen. They don’t go around celebrating their straightness-people would think that they were nuts! I think that that is kind of messed up, too. The fact that we are looked at different. I can’t wait for the day when we won’t be seen as a seperate orientation, but as equals.
For a start, I wonder why a “heterosexual, white, male, atheist” cares to email a lesbian website about how this could possibly impact his life. Pride is a necessary affirmation of the fact that there are many people who know they love other people, regardless of the heterosexual norm. This love is just as natural as any. Although I say and believe this, unfortunately this is not an opinion shared universally and why we need to bring the issue to the fore and counteract homophobia, which is why these marches are necessary. Not just necessary, but I imagine incredible fun. I’m jealous, I haven’t been to one yet, but one day I’ll make it to a good march, maybe Sydney 2007. What a wacker that bloke is, he clearly doesn’t have much respect for his gay mates if he is not comfortable and can’t comprehend the need to express this.
I think its important to note that alot of gays and lesbians get trapped in the “norm” and try to live their lives the way that society says they should. Then, being miserable and lonely, they finally come to the realization that its not who they are and come out. They face ridicule and torment by those that embraced them before, and still they persevere. I was one of those unfortunates, and I am glad that I came out. I still have people who say, “Oh, you are just going through a faze”. I typically just smile and let them have their comfort zone. I have yet to go to my first gay pride, but I look forward to it. As for the original writer, dont be embarassed for us, be embarassed for yourself.
Pride is a wonderful idealistic celebration. I have been to Long Beach, San Jose, San Francisco, and Las Vegas pride festivals many times. I always have a wonderful time.
I do understand the embarrassment and misrepresentation some of the other bloggers have discussed. I don’t understand how we can on one hand say we are just like everyone else when we celebrate our sexuality in such a boisterous manner. I don’t see Santa in @ss-less chaps during the nationally televised Christmas Parade. If we wanted to treated as equals we must respect boundaries and social norms. That is the way it is.
We have families with children just like heterosexual families and I am positive that most families would prefer not to expose their little ones to lewd behavior. What you do in your bedroom is your business and I feel that you should leave it there. Don’t come to a place where others are trying to evoke positive representations of Lesbians and Gays and create a looking glass into your bedroom. And if you do choose to bring your @ss-less chaps and choker to pride just know that I will be there to ogle and laugh at you with my girls.
I think that the writer missed a very important difference between his interaction with his friends and with Pride festivals. If you can sit down and discuss things with people, rationally and respectfully and as friends, there is no need to “flaunt” anything. But the problem is, the GLBT debate is not rational, respectful, or friendly - and that can be applied to either side. There are people who are anti-GLBT and live their lives very respectfully towards the community, and there are GLBT people who are respectful towards those who disagree with them. And yet there are also people like Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell, whom many Christians believe are abusing the name of God in the advocacy of hatred; and there are, as noted above, pride festivals where the more extreme aspects of diverse sexuality (leather, promiscuity, etc) are displayed prominently, and that can also be an offense to people, both those who support the community and those who do not. I believe that as long as we continue to pursue the GLBT debate with the kind of disrespect and irrationality and unfriendliness, on both sides, there will never be a resolution.
My first pride event was 20 years ago…I remember feeling nervous and yet excited to take part in the event. Seeing so many men and women who shared the same thoughts/feelings that I had. Finding support groups and businesses for the Gay communities…it really opened my eyes. I will say that over that 20 years the media hasnt changed its outlook of the parades - its sad that the media only “shows” the “Queens” and others that are dressed “extreme” for the day of the parade…that the media doesnt reflect our “normal” side of life…that we get up every morning like everyone else, go to work & church, pay our bills, raise our kids…that our lives arent just about the clubs and what goes on behind closed bedroom doors…I feel until the media can show our community in the same light as others, we will never have the “rights” that we really deserve.
I know we have to be more acceptable to others comments so therefore I won’t rip into that writer too hard. I’m sure being a white, hetero, athiest male there are certain festivities you might partake in that I as a mexican lesbain American do not understand but you don’t see me making a fool of myself. If you do have a problem with gay pride week then the best thing to do is look the other way. We aren’t forcing you to watch us celeberate. We’re showing our pride because this is who we are, gay pride is about being out and proud and acknowledging the best part of ourselves. So for you to be embarrassed means that possibly you’re embarrased of yourself.
What was this guy doing in About.com’s “Lesbian Life” section? Does he have nothing better to do than harass our sweet little Kathy?
Hum, I read that the bare assed leather chaps seem to be a problem. All I could think of was that women’s breasts, pushed up and apart all over tv and any entertainment venue is NOT a problem???
I guess the point that the person who made the comment about the chaps was trying to make…is that there are alot of people who do not have any first hand knowlege of what being gay and lesbian is all about…and what they do learn, comes from what they see on tv or from the lgbt community itself. Some of us don’t want to be represented by the most extreme parts of the “community”. Now, before anyone jumps down my back about this, I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t have pride…I think it is a great thing. ALl I am saying, is that I can definitely understand what that poster was getting at.
I do not condemn anyone, for their beliefs. I don’t want to change anyone’s feelings or opinions…if I have a right to mine, then they have a right to thiers. I just don’t believe that anyone has a right to infringe on someone else’s freedom…and there are many out there, who make it their life’s work to try and keep us from being free to marry and so on….so I DO understand how important pride is for us.I just don’t want to be lumped in with the whip carrying, leather wearing dominatrix theme of the community. I don’t want the world to think that all of us are all about sex…because it isn’t a true representation of who we really are. We are human beings..and I do not consider love a “lifestyle”…it is a human emotion…and I don’t require the world to see or know about my sexual tendancies, in order to show that I am proud of WHO I am…not WHAT I am. After all, I am just a human being in love with another human being…who happens to be the same sex as me, It’s as simple as that!