Coming Out to Your Husband
Sunday October 15, 2006
For a while there, men on the "down low," (married men having affairs with other men) was all the media rage. Now it seems the hot topic is lesbians who are married to men. This month I have been contacted by producers from Oprah and another talk show about this topic. Whether being married and a lesbian is "in vogue" or not, if you are one of the married lesbians, you probably have all kinds of mixed emotions about your situation. It may help to read stories from other women who have been there. - Wendy knew that her marriage was over, her attraction to women was only part of the reason she left her husband. Here is how she told him and how he reacted.
- Dana knew she was a lesbian in high school, but she suppressed those feelings, hoping they would go away.
- When Wen realized she was attracted to women, she told her husband. He gave his blessing for her to pursue dating women.
- Kim and her husband have an agreement. She is married with a lesbian lover on the side.
Owner: © Fergus Currie
Comments
I was married for 24 years. I realized after 22 years of marriage that I was a lesbian. I told my husband and at first I thought it would be ok and we would find a way to make things work. He was an alcoholic and perfectionist. I ended up having to leave because he became verbally abusive about my lesbianism. He drank himself to death 11 months after I left. I pray that other women will have happier stories!
Please:
You are a lesbian or you are Bi-sexual but you can’t have it both ways.
Men are frightened to death when you say homosexual, but say lesbian and they get sexually aroused, give me a break.
The whole idea of being a Lesbian is making a statement that you are not interested in the male of the species as a sexual partner.
You find you need a male “friend”, try to avoid discussions concerning sexuality. I don’t think all men are bad just the majority of them……
Sincerely
Nikki
Nikki, I don’t know what you are trying to say - are you bashing married lesbians, or men, or ???
Anyway, I was already married and a mother before I had the courage to come out. Now it’s the “elephant in the room” that my husband and I never talk about. We are friends, and good parents together, but that’s about it. It’s a frustrating life, but one I’ve chosen for now.
Pam,
My story is similar to yours. I am 39 years old, mother of 2 and have a male partner (not married). We ahve lived together for a total of 16 years and our oldest is 8. I came out to him just a few months ago when I discovered that I was madly in love with another woman. She felt the same and now we have a long distance relationship as I live in Norway and she in the US. I told my “husband” and at first he was ok with it, but as you say, now it’s the elephant in the room and the mood is very strange in our house. I really don’t know how to deal with this and hope that you will share what you are experiencing, with me. We are also friends and parents, but that’s it for now. Like you, I feel that this is very frustrating and I don’t know how long I can continue….
I have know since very early that I am a Lesbian. I met my husband when I was 17 and we were very good friends. He knew that I loved him but not as a wife would. We have been happily married for almost 8 years and together 14 years. What makes it work is that we are open an honest about our feelings and we both date other women. We are always looking for that one woman that loves us equally and would be our wife. It is very hard to explain our relationship to people so I have stopped trying. If it works for you and is not harmful to others then I say go for it.