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Kathy Belge

Can you tell a lesbian by the ring she wears?

By November 5, 2006

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I received this letter today and it has me puzzled.
I am a straight man who met an attractive woman who wears a band on the largest finger of her left hand. Is she lesbian? Or can I tell from the ring?
Has anyone heard of this? If the ring was rainbow or had woman symbols on it, I think that might be an indication. But does wearing a ring on your middle finger signify that you're a lesbian?
November 5, 2006 at 12:38 am
(1) sylvia says:

i think this is a non issue,maybe she thinks it looks good on that finger and just wants to be different.

November 5, 2006 at 3:51 am
(2) Crystal says:

I don’t think it means anything. Maybe she likes it on that finger; I wear a ring on my middle finger, too.

November 5, 2006 at 5:42 am
(3) Karmen says:

It’s pretty common for women in general to wear a ring on that finger. Now a pinky ring-that often tells you if you are a lesbian or in the mob;)

November 5, 2006 at 11:05 am
(4) lynn says:

i don’t think that is a tale of anything.my daughter is lesbian,her or her partner don’t wear rings i have them and all their friends over on sundays for dinner and none of them have rings maybe this is just this persons style..[ be free to be ]thanks

November 5, 2006 at 11:55 am
(5) Riley says:

it really depends on whats on the ring. but just wearing a nondescript ring doesnt imply anything besides lesbians dont always wear things that scream out Hey I’m a Lesbian! so dont hurt yourself thinking to much into it, more than likely it doesnt mean a damn thing.

November 5, 2006 at 3:14 pm
(6) Jai says:

Just because she wears a ring on her left middle finger does’nt mean anything. I’m a lesbian and i wear rings on both hands.

November 5, 2006 at 5:58 pm
(7) ~Dawn says:

It doesn’t mean a thing, the guy should just ask her out and find out, assumptions are what divides us.

November 5, 2006 at 8:54 pm
(8) Shirley says:

I have heard it signifies a strong woman, but not necessarily a lesbian. Why not just ask her whether the ring means anything? If she is a lesbian she will probably reject a date, but will be flattered by the offer. Also, if she is a lesbian she may, or may not reveal that fact, depending upon the circumstances.

November 5, 2006 at 10:19 pm
(9) Mr. Obvious says:

Yes. If she wears a ring there, she is a lesbian. No exceptions.

November 6, 2006 at 1:38 am
(10) wheezy says:

I am actually a bi-female and I know quite a few lesbians, I don’t believe that someone is a lesbian because of what finger she wears her ring. Now if the female is wearing a rainbow ring that could indicate she is either bi or lesbian. Most females that are strictly in to men refuse to wear what is known to be the gay pride colors (the rainbow) for they don’t want to be considered as liking other females!!

November 6, 2006 at 4:11 am
(11) Laura says:

Lately I have taken to wearing a jade ring on the so called wedding ring finger and one on the right hand…same finger….

I am working up to wearing more rings.

I want to find a rainbow ring since I gave away my rainbow necklace.


November 6, 2006 at 9:55 am
(12) Scandinavia Guide says:

My 2 cents – in Europe, it’s an indication only if the ring is worn on the thumb.

November 6, 2006 at 9:59 am
(13) Victoria says:

If the ring has emblems of women on it, it could be a Pagan /Shaman/Wicca/ (or numerous other sects of the white witch)symbol of the Goddess.

Also, wearing a ring on the left middle finger metaphysically assists to aid in one’s personal psychic powers, especially if certain jewels are on the ring…but I would be so curious; the ring could be worn on the middle finger because it is too large for the other fingers!

There’s a good chance that if any man questioned this ring to symbolize one’s sexual preference, it is because homosexuals supposedly wear a band on their left thumbs- straight women do also; as form of body jewelry (to affect another man’s body by hand)if you could imagine what I mean.

Does anyone know what symbology lesbians use to label their status? I’m curious to see if there are other traits to notice besides a flirtatous wink of the eye and a smile!

November 6, 2006 at 11:18 am
(14) DivaJean says:

True story- happened to me.

Back in the stone ages (circa 1986) when I was in nursing school, a panel of glbt folks were invited to discuss health care issues specific to the community. AIDS was just hitting our city and was the foremost discussion.

One other side discussion was- how can you tell a lesbian from other women. I almost died when the discussion turned to silver pinkie rings- and my girlfriend & I were wearing them, having just exchanged them. Something to do about rings made out of silverware in prison from what little I recall- having successfully repressed a great deal of this memory.

November 6, 2006 at 1:50 pm
(15) Lisa says:

Well, just to stir the pot, my spouse and I are definitely lesbians and have just married in our church last march. Our engagement rings are a sapphire with 6 small diamonds around it, and we have a very nice plain gold band. Both rings we wear on our left ring finger. Who cares what convention says in the LGBT community! We did what we felt good about.

November 6, 2006 at 2:20 pm
(16) Sylva says:

My beloved wife and I, as we are lesbians, have been wed for nigh on 4 years. And we wear our rings on our Right ring fingers. We just did what felt/feels right to us, as i think many couples do.

November 6, 2006 at 4:04 pm
(17) Jenny H. says:

I’ve never heard of a ring on that finger meaning anything. I’m bi, and I do wear a ring on my left middle finger. Why? It’s a family heirloom (my grandfather’s) And that’s the only finger it fits. I’m never without that ring, but it doesn’t mean anything except what the actual ring means to me.

November 6, 2006 at 5:53 pm
(18) LieslKate says:

Hmmm middle finger, large ring… *eg* Dyke version of a cock ring??? LMAO… this cracked me up… As IF anyone can tell by looking at someones appearance, clothes or jewellery, hair style or colour… maybe if we all just tattoo’d DYKE, FAG or STR8 on our foreheads that would help?????

November 6, 2006 at 7:34 pm
(19) YADIE says:


November 6, 2006 at 8:51 pm
(20) Mike says:

Get a grip. Just ask her out. If she turns you down, then obviously she’s a lesbian. If she accepts, then obviously she isn’t. Could it be any simpler?

November 6, 2006 at 11:19 pm
(21) Laura says:

As I was driving home from the newspaper office tonight, I was wondering what a straight man is doing reading a site for lesbians.


November 6, 2006 at 11:28 pm
(22) badlilkid says:

i am bi-sexual and i wear a ring on my left middle finger but i have never heard of that meaning anything i wear it there becuase it is my favorite ring and it is a family airloom that does fit on any other finger

November 7, 2006 at 2:14 am
(23) Mike says:


Are you kidding? It’s the same infatuation straight women have with gay men. We LOVE you!!!

November 7, 2006 at 2:52 am
(24) Angela says:

Well, I’m a lesbian, my best friend is a lesbian, we wear rings on the left middle finger but if I was married to my partner, I also would have a ring on the fourth finger, so Nah, just another attempt by a straight to stereotype…

November 7, 2006 at 3:47 am
(25) Laura says:


making cross signs to ward off the str8 men.

I deal enough with str8 men thru my work….is there no place safe for lesbians????

November 7, 2006 at 4:57 am
(26) Philomela says:

I don’t think that it necessarily means she belongs to the ‘glbt circle’. I’m bi and i wear a silver ring in my middle left hand finger just because i like it where it is. It’s merely a personal style… I think it’s time we stopped making and following stereotypes! Stereoypes are just a means to put people in boxes and label them in order to tighly control them…
So to get back to your point, i’d say that may be she’s lesbian and may be she not. The only way to know about her is to ask her. Good luck! :)

November 7, 2006 at 8:21 am
(27) April H. says:

Get a grip dude. You wear the ring on the finger it fits. That’s all. Get over yourself and quit reading so much into it.

November 7, 2006 at 10:47 am
(28) Claudia says:

I wear rings on almost every finger I have, does that make me omnisexual???
You must be joking!!

November 7, 2006 at 10:47 am
(29) marykay says:

I wear my mother’s gold wedding band on my left hand middle finger.I also wear my wedding rings next to it on my left hand ring finger.I also have a mother’s ring with three stones from my adult children. They signify the love we all have for each other and nothing more.Just ask her about her ring.Maybe it will lead to something wonderful!

November 7, 2006 at 12:58 pm
(30) Black Kitten says:

This man like many men knows nothing about lesbian women.

November 7, 2006 at 5:04 pm
(31) Gram_E says:

I weaar keepsake rings on whichever finger they fit. Big deal. But this did make me laugh.

November 8, 2006 at 12:31 am
(32) Heather says:

I don’t think rings mean anything unless the person wearing it lets it hold some sort of meaning. The two rings I wear mean a lot to me. One being my mother’s old ring, the other being the rainbow ring given to me by my mother after finding out I was a lesbian.

November 8, 2006 at 1:05 am
(33) vixen#234 says:

i moved several rings up to larger fingers when i lost about 40 lbs. a couple years ago. One is a nice silver/malachite ring and the other’s a silver/amethyst/marcasite; both went from ring finger to middle finger because they were falling off. I guess I didn’t change my sexual preference or anything when I moved the rings.

November 8, 2006 at 3:56 pm
(34) John says:

stupid ppl

November 9, 2006 at 2:17 pm
(35) TONNI says:


November 9, 2006 at 4:50 pm
(36) DeAnn says:

I think that guy is wacked!! Who cares what finger a woman wears a ring. And, if he wants to know if she is a Lesbian than he should simply ask. I wear a ring on my middle left hand and i wear a rainbow ring on my right ring finger.

November 10, 2006 at 5:02 pm
(37) mary kate says:

I am a lesbian and I am not out at work. I wear a single ring on my left hand ring finger and my co-workers have questioned if I was gay or not because of the ring.

November 11, 2006 at 12:32 pm
(38) Lady Donna Roberts says:

I wear my diamond ring on the ‘married’ finger just so guys leave me alone. My partner doesn’t wear a ring very often.

November 11, 2006 at 12:46 pm
(39) Įstriš says:

I have never heard of the placement of a ring meaning anything in particular aside from the wearing of a wedding ring. In some areas, notably Europe a wedding band on the left hand indicates engagement and on the right hand shows the person is married. Beyond that I am not aware of any specific meaning of who a ring is worn. I wear rings on different fingers when I am in the mood to wear rings, and even toe rings sometimes. I don’t consider any of them as sybolizing my status as a lesbian.

November 11, 2006 at 2:16 pm
(40) nancy says:

as i was coming out in college,”the crew” told me that a band ring type was worn on right pinkie as a way to let others know that you are gay/lesbian and that if you had a commitment ring it woudl be worn on ring finger of right hand or on both ring fingers. i am a product of “the old school of being a lesbian” :)

November 12, 2006 at 5:50 am
(41) maya says:

in my country (Serbia), where gay and lesbian population is almost banned, most us wear ring on the thumb (60 to 70 procent of our gay and lesbian population) as a “sign for recognition”.

November 12, 2006 at 11:11 am
(42) Laura S says:

To Mike re: your Nov. 6 comment that if the woman turns down the man, then OBVIOUSLY she is lesbian. Why is it men fail to consider that a woman turning a man down MIGHT (PROBABLY) mean she is not interested in the man doing the asking, not that she’s gay. Sheesh. Get over yourselves.

November 12, 2006 at 8:21 pm
(43) Mike says:

Laura S,

Yes. That was my point actually. My feeble attempt at humor using reductio ad absurdum. Electronic formats are tricky when conveying humor. I should have capped OBVIOUSLY like you did. That might have done the trick but who knows. In any event, it was an absurd comment, but on purpose.

BTW, I put a response up because the OP concerned a straight male. Pardon the intrusion. Honestly, I have the utmost respect for you all.

Best regards

November 13, 2006 at 12:59 am
(44) Sheena-Ray says:

I could mean tha she is gay but now days with all the rainbows style going around most be people just thank it is cool. The only way to know for shore would be to ask. But just becouse it is on that finger duse not make her gay.

December 6, 2006 at 11:39 am
(45) James says:

I always thought that in England gay men – not sure about women – people wear the ring on their wedding finger, right hand – to signify their sexuality.

Not ALL do this obviously – but I have read it’s common.

July 9, 2008 at 12:42 pm
(46) RJLigier says:

All these responses and not one honest answer. What do you expect from neurotic women? Hey, straight guy, of which I am one…..the rings, dependent on which hand, indicate sexual preferences. They do not call them freaks for nothing. You have to figure it out yourself. It’s not rocket science, regardless of how secretive these women are.

July 13, 2008 at 7:54 am
(47) leeman says:

I’ve always been taught; if you don’t know something just ask. On this forum, I noticed that there are some that would rather attack or try to belittle the person that asked the question. You say things like stupid question, or stupid people, get over yourself, or like most men, they know nothing about lesbians. Ok, but if questions are not asked then how do you learn? Be more open to teaching than insulting.

September 11, 2008 at 4:52 pm
(48) Jones says:

I wear a ring on my middle finger only because it was my dad’s and it’s too big for me. It might just be as practical as that.

October 1, 2008 at 7:34 am
(49) gumibear27 says:

I’m a lesbian and I wear tree rings (1st right pinkie; 2nd – left wedding finger; 3rd- rainbow ring on left thumb )… & I didn’t know that they can say sth. about me..
that means I’m so gay… :)

October 14, 2008 at 12:33 pm
(50) Ronni says:

In response to #21 (Laura).. Some of us guys consider ourselves to be lesbians.. we are in touch with femininity.. know how to treat them.. and are strictly into them !! I have been a male lesbian as far back as I can remember.. I was born this way !! Out of curiosity because I know a female who is bi… am involved with her.. and she bought a ring to wear.. only she wears it on her middle finger.. so i was wondering if it meant anything because I figure.. if she bought it to wear on her ring finger to symbolize our commitment.. then why did she not buy it of the proper size ( she says she needs to get it re-sized when I asked her why it was on her middle finger)!! We have been together for 3 weeks.. and twice she has asked about us having a girl-friend.. and I say no.. that is something we can discuss at a future time.. after we become closer and more solid together!!

November 1, 2008 at 2:08 am
(51) Dee says:

I guess I am old school, I have always worn a pinky ring. It is the only ring I ever wear unless I wear one on my other pinky

November 25, 2008 at 6:24 pm
(52) Tina says:

All Dykes wear ring on the middle finger of the left hand. Don’t beleive me? Watch any olympic female runner, softball player or swimmer.

May 19, 2009 at 2:10 pm
(53) Rita says:

I have become efactuated with the facts on what makes you gay. I am a lesbian and I am also left handed. The question at hand here is not the fact of what finger does lesbians wear on what hand. To me it has to do with the brain and what’s in your mind. 3 found that my left handedness has a lot to do with me being a lesbian. I found that when I am listening to or watching something that fesla with women I put more pressure on my left hand which makes my right side brain to kick in it is natural and it is an unconscious thing. Its the opposite when it comes to men some how I found that I use the left side of my brain at the sound of a mans voice. I don’t know why but its always been that way since I can remember. To sum it up, if a women wears a ring on that left hand middle finger she infact has lesbian traits. This is from experience of a left hand lesbian who feels that lesbianism stems from the right brain hemesphere.(you use your brain on the opposite side you write with..in normal write hand person would not be able to answer this question.)

May 22, 2009 at 7:19 pm
(54) Brad says:

I don’t think the guy is asking if the ring makes her a lesbian, or if all lesbian just put one there accidentally. i think he is asking if that is something lesbians puposly do to to let people know. A version of thesingle earing in the right ear for a guy.

Please don’t forget us men are retarded and often need to just be told what the deal is.

May 11, 2010 at 2:35 am
(55) iThinkIhaveTheGay says:

I also wear my ring on my left middle finger and I am at least bisexual. What IS that about!

August 20, 2010 at 10:58 pm
(56) Smittyrole04 says:

Hey I have a co-worker who wears a ring on her right dumb..I ask her if she was bi sexual and said no of my business.. I believe she might be open for as experimenting only… what you think. also she ask what do i think if the rin g is worn on the left thumb..

April 23, 2011 at 6:25 am
(57) Julie says:

My girlfriend and I are getting married this autumn, and we’ve agonised over what we should do in terms of rings. In the end we’ve decided that we’ll each wear conventional wedding rings, on the ring fingers of our left hands – the same as a straight married couple. We didn’t why, being lesbians, we should deliberately do something different.

May 9, 2011 at 10:26 am
(58) Charles Ciraolo says:

Ask a legitimate question about wearing women are now wearing a ring, not on their so cvalled ring finger but their middle finger and you get all of these idiotic responses by lesbians. So I guess ther is something to it.

June 12, 2011 at 3:11 pm
(59) Emily says:

It’s quite funny: I tend to like to wear a ring I bought myself on my right middle finger (largest finger of my right hand); I’m a lesbian; however, I do it because I think the ring looks best on that finger.

March 8, 2012 at 7:00 pm
(60) DB says:

I read somewhere on the internet that a silver ring on the middle finger indicates you’re lesbian. I don’t think it’s popular knowledge though. I mentioned it to some of my lesbian friends and they all knew about it. I noticed the other night that Rachel Maddow also wears a silver ring on her middle finger.

April 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm
(61) O'Awesome says:

I personally don’t think that it means ur a lesbo if u wear a normal ring on ur middle finger….about the woman symbols on the ring….then i would probably assume so

August 14, 2012 at 12:32 am
(62) maria says:

Maybe its just an awesome ring that her sister gave her and its the only finger it fits on.and maybe he’s just a douche.

May 30, 2013 at 1:58 am
(63) Missy says:

I am heterosexual. I want to wear my mother’s diamond on my right hand.
A man said he almost did not talk to me because he thought I was gay.
Why should such stupidity have so much power. People are judgemental and ignorant and are going to miss out on a lot in life.

September 18, 2013 at 6:02 am
(64) Felicia says:

I wear pinky rings (when I had a boyfriend, once upon a time), rings on my right ring finger, middle finger, and hey – sometimes even the thumb (a flapper marcasite piece I have about). I don’t do it to symbolize lesbianism, because despite wondering in my twenties that just never happened for me. I just like to wear rings.Amethystst, Garnet, Labadorite, Sapphire, Tourmaline,Citroenne, Peridot – eh, usually not all at once. I took a really long break from the dating scene the last few years trying to piece my financial life back together, and now I am moving into my very own house in the Key Peninsula (off Seattle).

I just hope that someone might eventually ask me out once I move…. someone who isn’t scrappy jail-bait who’s under the impression I’m really a lesbian because I wear rings. OH, yeah, if I turn down the date, the next insult will probably be about how I’m a witch. ::head-thump::

Maybe I should date women after all – the problem is that I’ve been terribly isolated for more than ten years and havne’t had the opportnity to socialize. Not. With. Anyone.

But, I like my rings.


December 12, 2013 at 2:03 am
(65) bogdan says:

largest finger is the Tumb. and yes, i heard this aswell. however the ring alone is not enough to tell.

January 21, 2014 at 7:32 pm
(66) Hank says:

Hey ladies, I live and work in Marin County, California. You know, the “Marin Hottubbers”. I’m single and straight but have bad “gadar”. How do I know if a woman is straight and not bi or LBTG?

March 17, 2014 at 11:26 pm
(67) KLB says:

Yes, this a very small part of lesbian culture. I’m a lesbian and many of us wear a thumb ring as a symbol of being a lesbian. It can be worn on either thumb.

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