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Dear Kathy

I'm a 15-year-old girl. I'm a lesbian, but I haven't told anyone yet (although I think my mother might suspect it). My parents, other family and friends are very gay friendly, so I don't think coming out would be a big problem for me. The issue is that I don't know how to get a girlfriend. I liked a lot of girls, but how to know if they are interested? I'm not really outgoing... and going to a lesbian bar is nothing like me (plus I'm way to young for that), so where can I meet other lesbians and how do I get in touch?



Dear Nikki:

How great that you think your family will be okay with your being a lesbian. Since you're so sure they'll be okay, I suggest telling them before you start dating. At your age, it's very important that your parents know who you're going to be with, where you're going to be, who will be there too and when you'll be home. If you come out to them, they'll have reason to trust you and know you're not hiding stuff from them.

As for how do you get a girlfriend, now that is a whole other issue! Finding love is never simple, but the best way do it, is to put yourself out there. The more lesbian and bisexual teens you meet, the more likely it is you'll fall for one (or more) of them. Here are some tips on how to meet other lesbian and bisexual teens.

December 24, 2008 at 4:47 pm
(1) samantha says:

just try and talk too some of your girl friends and see if they are bi or gay oor if they no anyone who is and who is availible. its the wway i met people

March 20, 2009 at 3:57 pm
(2) christy says:

i am a lesbian but i only want a cyber realationship i am 11 i have red hair and green eyes and i am not afraid of sex but i want love first

April 20, 2009 at 2:40 pm
(3) Linsey says:

i am lesbian and i am almost 16. ive had no issues in my friends being accepting, but my parents are another story. they say they still love me, but i doubt it. as for dating, i need help in asking the girl to go out. never done that before and i wanna do it right.

May 16, 2009 at 5:40 pm
(4) Jasmine says:

Hey nikki im 13 and im afraid
to tell my mom im bi.

i do like girls
but i dunno how to
get in touch with em/

May 28, 2009 at 8:31 pm
(5) Kayla says:

I am bisexual; I am pretty proud of it, tell your friends. If they were really your friends they wouldn’t care…Juss be yourself around girls you like…

July 19, 2009 at 6:44 pm
(6) BlkBarbie says:

im attracted to girls. but im straight but i lov gurls breast and butts and everything bout females. but ion knw how to tlk to one. im 14 and im not scared to have sex with girls but i jus want to find love first

July 30, 2009 at 8:25 am
(7) mel says:

im 16 gay and i live in the uk but i carnt find no one who is a lesbian where i live lol
my family are cool with it but not many my mates no and they are all straight can anyone help me please

August 2, 2009 at 6:36 pm
(8) amie says:

i am the same i am 14 i am a lesbian but i havnt told my parent some of my brothers friends no and so does he but i dont think they do you think if i meet someone and then tell them it will be easier or should i telll them first

August 5, 2009 at 12:01 am
(9) Lauren says:

To all the young teenage girls out there:

Hi. My name is Lauren…I’m 18, and I’ve been out for 3 years. I am the founder and leader of my local Tolerance Alliance and I’ve worked with queer youth for a long time on coming out and self-acceptance.

I’ve been where most of you girls have been and I know what it feels like to be scared and most of all, confused. I came out to my Southern Baptist family little at a time, but the process is different for everyone. I write a blog about my coming-out experience and my journey through young lesbianhood. If you’re looking for someone out there who looks a lot like you, I’m here and I’m writing to you:

I always respond to comments from young girls (mainly because I know what it feels like to want to talk to someone). I’ve chronicled nearly everything that I’ve learned about coming out, being brave, starting a relationship, working through a relationship, ending a relationship, and everything in between. If you have any questions or just want a friend in the lonely world of being a queer youth, please stop by. I’d love you hear from you and I’d love for you to hear what I have to say as well.

None of you are alone…there are so many more like us out there, we just have to discover each other.


August 26, 2009 at 2:56 am
(10) Aerial says:

wow, christy youre 11?

oh my goodness where are you getting these love and sex ideas…

you are way to young for that….

youre not going to find other gay teens until youre at least like 15 or 16

slow it down there tiger

August 26, 2009 at 2:58 am
(11) Aerial says:

hello lauren :)

September 4, 2009 at 9:17 pm
(12) carey says:

im onna say it. ima lesbian. im only twelve, but im proud of who i am. im scared of telling my parents cuz they are homophobes,and im scared they wont love me. My freinds know, and they still accept me. im not looking for a gf becouse i know i wont find one till im like 15. but i needed to tell the world that. any tips obout telling my family?

September 22, 2009 at 6:40 pm
(13) stephina says:

heyy my name is stephina im 18 and i been goiong back and forth with me likin girls like i been trying the whole god thing for a while and its good like i use to be bi and be in relationships with girls and then i stopped now i have a boyfriend but now its lik idk if i jus like boys or girls cus im tryin to be closer to god but girls i like them alot maybe its a sexual thing cus i love breasts and im always starin at a girls butt i dont know wat to do at all

October 31, 2009 at 1:51 am
(14) ZoeBug says:

I’m 12 years old and I told my mom I’m a lesbian, she’s fine with it, but there’s no way I could find my dad. I’m sick of all the girls online either being too old or just wanting sex, I want a relationship. Christy, I know you don’t want to hear it, but you will want to wait for sex. I want to meet a nice girl, but the people in my town are very close-minded so I don’t know how to tell them.

November 11, 2009 at 9:22 pm
(15) sarah says:

yo, im 14 almost 15 i am pretty sure i am bi but i am not really sure, i want to date grls but i don’t know how to meet them, i don’t really want to come out to my parents or friends until i am sure, i need some advice!

November 13, 2009 at 1:30 pm
(16) Alya says:

Well im 19, and I have the exact same problem as Sarah, but I know my friends would accept me without a problem, but my family is another thing, and I dont want to come out until im totally sure, but I want to meet some girls to be sure I am bi.

November 15, 2009 at 4:52 pm
(17) asia says:

well i am 15 nd i been out for abt nine months nd had to girlfriends i like to be wit older girls becuz they dnt have as much drama den the younger ones so if anyone wants to chat let me know and we can chat on email!!!

November 15, 2009 at 11:13 pm
(18) Lozzie says:

Hi i’m 19, I’m bi, my best friend knows and she is fine with it. I told my mother a few months ago, and she hit the roof big time! I knew she wouldnt like it, but I thought I might be wrong. I wasnt! She warned me not to tel my dad. I dont know any other bi girls, but I would like to meet some, so I have people to talk to.

November 16, 2009 at 6:21 pm
(19) Steph says:

Hi I’m Steph. I’m a lesbian. and 15. Im not out except to my parents and my one friend and her mom. I told my friend 2 years ago and i thought she was ok with i knew she didnt like talkin bout it so i didnt and 4 months ago i found out she wasnt comfortable with it at all. we havent talked since and she is my neighbor so we cant help but run into eachother. I cried my self to sleep for the longest time b/c i thought that she might be my only true friend and now that were not talkin i dont know who is my true friends. almost everyone in my school is a homophobe including my really close friends. i live in a religious area and we dont have any GSAs or other support groups around us. MY parents are alright bout it. my mom doesnt talk to me bout it and my dad only talks bout the sexual aspects of it and im not interested in the sexual aspect yet. i just want someone who understands what im goin through and someone that will hold me when i need to be held. So anyways yea everyday is a struggle. all i hear in school is gay bashing and stuff and it hurts. my friend even compared gay marriage to marrying ur cat. and that pissed me off but she doesnt know. i correct my friends and the kids i babysit when they use gay in place of the word stupid.
I just want a place to talk to people who understand what im goin through

November 20, 2009 at 8:14 pm
(20) katherine says:

i thin i mite be gay im 13 years old but i want t meet a girl i have but they live way to far how an i meet one in my area

December 16, 2009 at 4:01 pm
(21) sdb says:

Hey, im 15 and i’ve known that im gay for just over a year: and have just came out to all of my mates this week. They were all very accepting. Im not telling my family im gay unless i find someone. but its good you have no probs tellin your family as u think they will be fine. Im like you; i want a girlfriend. But have no idea how to find one lol

December 29, 2009 at 12:06 pm
(22) Kiana says:

Hey asia, Im 14 but really mature and would love to talk. I recently came out to my friends that I was a lesbian but I don’t know anyone else who is. And I really want a girlfriend who’s there for you

December 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm
(23) Kiana says:

Hey asia, I’m 14 and would really love to talk to you. I recently came out to my friends that I was a lesbian and want a girlfriend, but I don’t have any lesbian friends.

January 13, 2010 at 9:37 pm
(24) Elizabeth says:

Well I know how it feels to not know where to find a girlfriend when you first come out. I’m in ninth grade and have been out since 7th grade although I have been gay for my entire life. Since coming out I have many many girlfriends. It gets easier the older you are because when you are young, people are either to scared to come out or they aren’t quite sure. If you any of you want a girlfriend all you have to do is be yourself around a girl and make it somewhat obvious of your feelings by slight flirtations. When you come out make sure to only tell close friends and family, if they take it well and you still feel comfortable then keep coming out to more and more people. It’s going to be hard and not everyone will always understand, heck some people maybe be rude about it, but all you have to do is keep moving foward. Being gay or bi is just a part of you, not the only thing people should see you as. Besides if someone can’t accept you for who you are and what makes you happy then they don’t deserve any kind of friendship with you.

January 26, 2010 at 12:04 am
(25) alexis says:

hi kathy,
im a lesbian and my mom already knows but i cant figure a way out to tell my dad.i know if i tell my dad hell probably kill me.so do you know a way i can tell my dad.i was just wondering if you know any website i can go to to find any lesbian mates.

February 7, 2010 at 12:28 am
(26) dylan says:

hii my name is dylan and i am a lesbian my family is ok with who i am but the thing is i dont know were to look for other lesbianz every one i none is straight so i dont none what to do

February 8, 2010 at 7:43 am
(27) laura says:

hi girls :) im 17 and ive just come to the conclusion i am bi.. two of my friends know i have feelings for my best friend.. Im thinking i tell her. I would love to spend some time or meet some lesbians or bis so i could truly know i am bi. I have only ever made out with a chick in the shower..

February 8, 2010 at 8:51 pm
(28) Macala says:


February 13, 2010 at 3:53 am
(29) Breon says:

Hi girls my name is breon but I go by bre I’m 16 years old of age I’m a lesbian and lovin it everyday but the thing is my mom does not quit no yet i have a girlfriend but we having our share of problems but she is the love of my life but I need a brake of all of her drama sooo right now I’m lurkin for me a goonett New Orleans bound baby bye ladies good luck

February 18, 2010 at 12:46 am
(30) Dayna says:

Hey people am 12 years old my name is Dayna,am black,black hair, with dark brown eye’s and I want to date a lesbian to know how it feels I want to date someone that is around my age,and I’am a lesbian and i want to find some one to go out with…so…bye

February 19, 2010 at 7:04 pm
(31) Bridget says:

I just figured out that I am lesbian. I am 13 going on 14 but i cant tell my parent or friends because I know that they will judge me. But i have know idea how to meet other lesbians my age! I need help!

February 19, 2010 at 10:49 pm
(32) Bridget says:

hey i think im lesbian but im not really sure I want to go out with another girl to see if I really am lesbian.so yeah..bi

March 8, 2010 at 9:33 pm
(33) Mckayla says:

Dear kathy I am 15 years old and I have came out of the closet to my friends and family, but I’m having some problems. I have a huge crush on this girl in one of my classes she is a bisexual but I don’t know what I should do to impress her

March 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm
(34) Ashley says:

heyy:)my name iz ashley im 15yrs old i live in leom. mass. &iam a lesbian i havent tld mii parents bcuz im not sure how they`ll take itt i`m looking 4a relationship buht havent been able 2find the perfect gurl…..soo if ur available jusz gett attt mii

March 26, 2010 at 4:43 am
(35) Soph says:

Hey I am 16 and I am a lesbian .. I just want to talk to girls over the Internet until I find someone :) anyone want to give me some help? X

April 16, 2010 at 2:54 pm
(36) Jasmine says:

I’m 13 and i have no idea wether i am bi or not. I know im not a full lesbian because i do like boys but sometimes i like girls too. I know i am never ever going to tell anyone but i think my parent will be okay with it. It’s probably just hormones like they say in magazines, but i want to have a relasionship online with a girl and see if i am bi or straight. Help? xx

April 22, 2010 at 12:07 am
(37) Jasplin says:

You should tell them if they’ll be fine with it! I’m bi and can’t tell anyone or they’ll freak. I’m single and I’ll have an online relationship if u want. Or if u find an online site tell me!

May 5, 2010 at 9:28 pm
(38) Jess says:

Hi. My name is Jess and I am bi-curious. I am Chaolic and so is my family. I am afraid to come out because I am not sure yet. I don’t really know alot of bi people, but I would like to just kiss a girl. Btw, I am 13.

May 9, 2010 at 10:54 pm
(39) Madelyn says:

Hi. My names Madelyn and I’m bisexual. I am a Christian, so is my family. I’m to scared to tell anybody that I’m bisexual. I would love to meet a nice girl but I don’t know anyone who’s bisexual or lesbian that lives near me. I want a girl soo bad! Btw I’m 12.

May 15, 2010 at 8:31 pm
(40) Nicki says:

Hi my name is Nicki I’m not a lesbien but my friend is and she hasn’t told her perants only me I now what it’s like to be friends with a lesbien I don’t care that she is one so go ahead tell you’re loved ones now
my friend has told her perants there ok with it so step out of you shell get the party started now

June 1, 2010 at 12:51 am
(41) Grace says:

Hey, Soph I would love to talk to you! I’m 15 and I’ve known that I’m a lesbian for a long time and I think it’d be cool to talk :)

June 2, 2010 at 9:16 pm
(42) becka lester says:

i know im a bisexual i just havnt bin able to ‘come out’ yet. im not scared cuz everyone in my family is gay friendly so im not botherd about people knowing. im just botherd about finding some one. im sick of being single and im sick of having an oppisit sex relationship becuase the effects of losing my partner is horible and it mind not be so bad with a girl. im ready to try something new now.

June 12, 2010 at 3:08 pm
(43) shay says:

im 15, i live in tokyo and there arent any lesbians or gays. i have been looking for ways to get into a relationship but i am struggling so bad. im only looking for a cyber relationship!

June 13, 2010 at 1:42 am
(44) Melinda says:

hi every1 my name is melinda im 12 gonna be 13 i am not sure if im bi or lez i like guyz but i have a slight atraction to girlz i want some bi and lez friendz becauz all of my friendz are straight so if ur a girl and ur bi or lez and u want a relationship or want a friend or some1 there to talk 2 or some1 to just help u out

June 14, 2010 at 3:13 pm
(45) sakurar44 says:

well im not sure if im bi but i want to sex with a girl once (maybe even now) then ill marry a guy but its so hard finding a girl who would do it oh and they have to be 13 or 14

June 19, 2010 at 7:35 pm
(46) Monkeyyonaa says:

I’m bui and I’m 13 years old I want to date boys or girls but I like girls better

June 21, 2010 at 6:24 pm
(47) autum712 says:

hi,,im 13 years old.and i am very curious about lesbian sex. but i havent told anyone about me starting to be interested in girls. if you want to help me find out hwta its like. please comment antd talk to me.

June 21, 2010 at 9:21 pm
(48) mari says:

hey im mari, ive been lookin for a girlfriend and so far it’s not workin. im only 13 but im pretty sure im bi. so if anyone wants to chat my number is

June 23, 2010 at 1:14 am
(49) bridgette says:

hey im 16 and iv been bi since the 6th grade and i just came out a year ago to 3 of my good friends and they were fine with it and one of them even said they new already which is not so surprising and then i came out to my mom she didn’t care i can always cont on my mom to be there for me and then i told my dad and he joke about it and makes me fell bad and i don’t know how to handle that. and right now im trying to find a relationship but most of the girls around here are taken. and in my county a lot of people are ether strait or gay/lesbian

June 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm
(50) Jessica says:

Hi, I’m 13 and I’m bi. I’m afraid of telling anyone. I have brown short hair and bluish greenish eyes. I live in southern California. but Jessica isn’t my real name, i just don’t want people to know who i am.

July 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm
(51) Jessica;P says:

I’m 15 and I’m bi. I like guys and girls but girls turn me on more. I only told my best friend. I want a girl friend more then anything right now. I’ve never had a girl friend before and would really like to know what it’s like to have one.

July 25, 2010 at 9:29 pm
(52) Laura says:

Hey I am 11 and I am a lesbian but I am scared to tell my parents so………

July 27, 2010 at 7:57 am
(53) Natasha says:

hi girls am 12 goin to 13 i am really attracted to girls. am just lookin for a girl my age to talk to….

August 12, 2010 at 11:11 pm
(54) hannah says:

hi that not my real name i am bi 3 of my best friends know if u want a relationship i do n i don’t like u because your cutie i will like u because of your personality. i am 11 turning 12 but iam really mature for my age…………… :) i need a girl that i can trust

August 17, 2010 at 2:52 am
(55) steph says:

hey everyone I’m 13 and I am bi-curious
i whant to know what it feels like to be with a girl before i make a disession to wether im gay or bi. my mom dosent like the idea of it but she is not worried my dad will kill me if i tell him i think i like girls a slight better that girls caues I LOVE BREAST so please if anyone knows a good web site to meet girls please tell me it would make it so much easier -Thanks

August 28, 2010 at 11:10 pm
(56) Lindsey says:

Hey. I’m Lindsey. 13 yrs old and idk if I’m bi or a lesbian or wat!!! I like boys but I love girls. Somebody help me!

August 30, 2010 at 4:27 pm
(57) TamTay says:

Hey, i’m 16 and bisexual, i live in caribbean, and would just like to talk with someone who’s like me

August 30, 2010 at 6:09 pm
(58) Kathy says:

For all of you teens looking to meet other teens, check out the Lesbian Life Forum. There is a safe way to talk with other teens and supportive adults who understand.

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