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How many teenagers, when coming out to their parents or other adults are told, "It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it?" When we hear those messages, how many of us wonder, "Is it a phase?" Confused Teen wrote in wondering the same thing:
I am very confused right now and I have no one to talk to about what I am feeling. I am getting worried that I want to be a lesbian, and not that I just happen to be lesbian. (Iím not saying being a lesbian is bad!) I worry because my parents are homophobic, plus I am only 17. I worry that this is a phase, but the feeling I had for this woman I've never felt for a man before. Please help me find out who I am.
So, how do you know if you're really bisexual or lesbian or if it's "just a phase?"
© Photo by Sanja Gjenero
April 26, 2007 at 10:45 am
(1) Sabrina says:

Hello Confused.
I know exactly how you feel. I am 28 and I have been a lesbian for 5 years now. I can only tell you this. You know when you know. I understand that you are proberly like “WHAT??” But that is the best way I can put it. If you do have sexual feelings for a woman and you feel like you want to explore it more on a sexual basis(if you already haven’t)then I say; search within yourself and you’ll find the answer. As for your parents, I know that it can be hard when you have parents that don’t understand and to make it worse they don’t even try to understand. But this is your life, you have to do what is best for you and no one else. If being with a woman will make you happy then I say “GO FOR IT!!!” Your parents will come around if they are really concerned with only your happiness. I wish you all the best of luck

April 26, 2007 at 11:45 am
(2) me says:

time. that’s how you know. and if you’re still at home, give it awhile before coming out to homophobic parents. you can deal with them later, after you’re more sure of your life. for now- just let relationships happen with whomever you happen to fall in love, and don’t base it on gender. and you’ll figure it out soon enough.
much luck.

April 26, 2007 at 2:48 pm
(3) Lisa Hymel says:

confused, well all of us were confused at one point on our journey, I was 36 years old when I came out and my mother thought I was going through a phase! just be you, don’t lose sight of that everything else will fall into place, you will find the answer within your self, just be patient, explore your feelings it will help you to grow, you will know when the right time is to come out. Just be yourself. Good luck on your journey.

April 26, 2007 at 7:03 pm
(4) Katie says:

yo its like this u think ur gay go with it u think ur str8 go with dont let one of us tell u what u r thats for u to decide. im 21 i knew i was gay when i was 9 but i still slept with guys cuz it was normal i dont regret it, it just further proved that i was GAY! i never took any pleasure from them it was just tryin to be normal, now i have a steady gf and it feels right with the guys it never felt right it always felt wrong. do what u gotta do to find out but be safe about and just cuz u fall in love with one woman doesnt mean ur lez maybe u just fell in love with the person and not the gender which these days is what gets ppl. later days.

April 26, 2007 at 7:15 pm
(5) Amethyst says:

Dear Confused,
I agree with Katie we cant tell you who you are. But we can help you from experiance. In my experiance I knew I was gay when I was 7 years old. But I have tried other things to make sure that I was sure of myself. It took me 2 years of soul searching starting at 16 to realize that yes I am gay and its okay. If these feelings are true than maybe your gay.Soul search a little. Its not a bad thing. Dont be a shamed of who you are!

April 27, 2007 at 11:59 am
(6) Rose says:

Came out at age 57 and am so fortunate I finally decided to be truthful with myself. My grown children & my immediate family accepted my announcement splendidly. I am happy, finally.

April 27, 2007 at 8:43 pm
(7) Tina says:

Hey Confused,

Let me start off by saying we can’t find out who you are that’s something that is inside your heart and soul. I have been in the life for 10yrs now and it wasn’t hard for me to come out to others because I feel who I love is no one business. So what i think you should do is just find out from your soul who and what it is that you are seeking, and trust and belive it will come to you. If loving another female is what you want I say GO FOR IT and don’t worry what others are saying because worring about others will keep you hurting.

Hope this help….


April 30, 2007 at 11:42 pm
(8) Linda says:

I know how you feel. I’m almost 31 and I’m still questioning myself. I still haven’t come out to my family yet, both because I’m not sure how they’d take it and also because I want to be absolutely sure that I am a lesbian. All I know is what the others have said. I agree with them. Be yourself. And don’t be afraid of who you are. There will always be people who love you for who you are inside.

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