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Kathy Belge

Where to Find a Lesbian Stud

By August 6, 2007

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Sometimes I get letters and I just don't know how to answer them. That's why I'm turning to you. What would you say if someone wrote in and asked you this question?
I am a heterosexual woman, but lately I've had an overwhelming urge to experiment with lesbian sex. When I described what I was looking for in my experiment to a friend, she suggested that I may want to check into lesbian studs. This reason is I am extremely selfish for this, but my urges aren't for me to do anything, I just want the woman I choose to do this with to perform these acts on me. I hope I've been clear enough for you to follow me. So I have a few questions: Where can I find a lesbian stud, without going to a bar? (I would like this woman to be somewhat classy.) Do you think it's selfish of me to want someone to "scratch my back" and not have any intention of "scratching hers"? What are the possibilities that this fantasy of mine will come true?
How do you answer this? Add your comment below.
August 6, 2007 at 7:32 am
(1) Kasey says:

I suppose if there are women out there who do that kind of thing – and clearly there are – then knock yourself out. I personally wouldn’t do anything without getting it in return, unless it was my wife.

August 6, 2007 at 8:06 am
(2) Jess says:

Sounds like fun to me!!! I wonder if she is hetero for real, or if she is just doing “The Right Thing” like I did for 9 long years.

August 6, 2007 at 9:50 am
(3) G says:

Her letter made me think of the old line from the 60′s…

Ass, gas, or grass – nobody rides for free.

If her sole intent is to take, take, take, and give nothing back – then yes – it’s nothing but a fantasy. She might find herself a stud to do her, but it will be a shallow and largely unrewarding experience. And she’ll have to go to the bars to find one – because they certainly aren’t out there looking for her. So the “classy” aspect will be somewhat diminished.

If, on the other hand, she wants to find a real woman, with thoughts, and a soul, and a talent for pleasing women’s bodies – then she may have to actually get up off her duff and invest herself a little. Wine and dine the potential stud muffin. Become a friend. Share intimacies – giggle and cry together. Then by the time they tumble into bed, there’s a sphere of trust surrounding them both that will lead to the kind of sexual experience she really wants.

Basically I’d tell her:

Look, lesbians are real people – not toys to be used and casually tossed aside when your prurient curiosity has been assuaged. If what you want is to experience the gentle hand of a woman – close your eyes use your own!

Come back when you want to know us – not use us.

August 6, 2007 at 9:56 am
(4) Gail says:

Trust me the women are out there that will comply with your request – My last girlfriend was like that (always giving and not wanting to receive!) We lasted a year and many of my friends thought I was crazy for leaving and giving up the “Queen” treatment…but, I wanted to “give just as much as I received” and it just ended up causing too many frustrations on my part in not being able to “share” my love for her, which in turn spilled over into the rest of our relationship.

August 6, 2007 at 11:27 am
(5) Tina-cious.com says:

What she’s looking for is a stone butch. They do not like to “receive” (typically)… they don’t want to be touched in anyway that will feminize them.

However — I agree with G. Don’t come dipping in the lesbian pool just because you’re bored.

Find a bored housewife somewhere to play with and leave our lesbian hearts alone.

We’ve got enough trouble on our plate trying to find a real live lesbian that’s not nuts.

August 6, 2007 at 11:36 am
(6) Ju$ says:

lol, lady sounds like she wants to get it poppin..ain’t no big deal to find a stud to turn u out..lol s$%t if u cute, i’ll do it myself…lol

sounds like a bird to me tryna catch a nut cuz she peeped a sexy stud and thought it was a dude then found out it wasn’t and now she’s having a whole bunch of wild kinky dreams and wants to let her freak out…

can’t be mad at that

August 6, 2007 at 12:10 pm
(7) X-PillowQueen says:

There are plenty of studs out there who will happily give you want you want. And, they can be “classy,” although those are harder to find if you, yourself, are not “classy.” In other words, there are doctors and lawyers who are studs looking for pillow queens, but if you want to be THEIR pillow queen….you better be fine, younger than they are, a law student or med student perhaps, etc. Now, assuming that you really want this, you should know that a dom will expect you to be submissive in other ways as well. You should also know that you will likely wind up feeling like either…a whore, a piece of meat, or a possession. Just keep that in mind.

Meanwhile, just don’t mess with any lesbians who are not trying to find a pillow queen. In fact, tell them up front. And, here is a big clue…if you look at the woman and she isn’t totally and completely CLEARLY giving you a MAN vibe….she probably isn’t hard enough of a butch to be going full stud like that.

August 6, 2007 at 12:58 pm
(8) Karen says:

Lesbians are people with feelings. Nice that you’d just like a plaything to “experiment” with. There are many of us out there looking for love, not just to fulfill some straight chick’s fantasy. You cheapen the lesbian experience by not seeking all that goes with being a lesbian. If you’re just looking for sex, you’ll probably find it. But you strike me as a selfish, one-sided person that I for one would never give a second glance. Dildo’s don’t have feelings! Women do.

Old fashioned in CT

August 6, 2007 at 1:27 pm
(9) Lesbo for life says:

Why not place an ad under Straight chicks looking to use a lesbian to see if she enjoys receiving lesbian sex, just not willing to reciprocate.

I’ll bet there are lots of women who would rush to answer that!

August 6, 2007 at 5:59 pm
(10) sapphist says:

I think the key here is to find a woman who gets her back scratched by scratching yours. There are definitely women out there who get off on pleasuring others. I do agree with X-Pillow Queen that you more likely to find a woman like this among the BDSM crowd. I had an experience like this with a hot, very femme dominatrix once. It wasn’t anything kinky…there was no bondage involved or anything like that. She wasn’t really “playing the part” with me. She was my roommate and we just got drunk together one night. It was awesome :) Happy hunting!

August 6, 2007 at 8:23 pm
(11) SCButch says:

I agree that if you want “classy” you have to be “classy”. I know there are plenty of women who fit the profile you want. And no not all of them are into SMBD – I know this because I am this. I love to make love to women – to take them to places they haven’t experienced yet. I’ve been asked by previous lovers how do I get off – my answer is when they do. So yes it’s true you can have your cake and you don’t have to eat it to!

August 7, 2007 at 1:45 am
(12) Lady Abhor says:

All I have to say is: first, thanks for letting us answer this one; to give a clear, objective answer to this would be impossible.
Second, I’m sure the “little lady” can find what she’s looking for as far as selfish sex goes, but frankly I would say she should crawl back into the heterosexual haven from whence she came. Flagrant, obtuse, calloused and gentrified. Why you gotta be like that?

August 7, 2007 at 1:51 am
(13) Jai says:

Personally i wouldn’t touch anyone who wouldn’t touch me in return!

August 7, 2007 at 3:20 pm
(14) BRi says:

Sounds like she “Wants her cake and eat it too” NOT. She needs to buy herself a Rabbit Habbit Vibe , some lesbian porn and hope she can find the energy and time to do herself. SELFISH & CLUELESS!
Thats what is wrong with todays young people. They don’t under stand what is means to BE Gay or Be BI it’s all about why not try it once. Like it’s strickly a one way thing and the person on the other(giving )end has no soul.
You want to know what it’s like to be F***d by a women, go ahead knock your self out but thats all it will be is getting F***d. So if you have any desire to to actualy feel wanted and loved stick to your little boring hetro. life. We real Lesbians have enough to deal with without girls like you giving ua the royal mind F**k.

August 7, 2007 at 4:40 pm
(15) karen says:

AMEN BRI!!! We need more people in the world who want to love others, not just USE them to get their jollies. Why not just stick with men….they generally don’t care who they’re f*****g, as long as they are getting “p***y” sounds like the writer’s mentality. USE AND BE USED…what’s LOVE got to do with it???!!!

August 7, 2007 at 4:58 pm
(16) BRi says:

Heya Karen, Don’t want to get off subject from the original post so I’ll make it short. When we are judged in the GLBT catagory the first thing that pops into the society’s mind is SEX(SAME SEX sex). They dont have a clue that it is a LIFE Style. Sure in that LIFE Style we are blessed to be able to have great, passionate,mind blowing, earth shattering SEX with our partners, but when wer’re not having GREAT SEX we’re having A LIFE.A mortgage,work sucks, the kid is sick,where the hell’s my lucky green shirt?, oh by the way, mom & dad are comming over for dinner….kind of normal boring everyday HETRO kinda life. So to all you stright people out there…you worry bout your life and I’ll worry but mine oh and one more thing, if you see my lucky green shirt call me!

August 7, 2007 at 6:54 pm
(17) MN says:

I can’t believe someone would ask this. Would she go out on a date with a ‘classy’ man and tell him she wanted to have sex with him, but had absolutely no wishes for him to take any more sexual pleasure from the experience than what he gets from getting her off? (In that, I am also thinking no penetration of his body.)

Come on. If it were me, I might not _expect_ it from someone like that, but…when it comes to sex with my partner, it’s equal. I enjoy giving to her as much as when she gives to me, but either way, it’s 50/50. We both give and take, and we both have a good time doing it. Looking for someone with a different sexual orientation to ‘experiment’ or ‘play’ with is totally wrong, and only downplays and degrades everything that lesbians have worked to have recognized. It’s almost like saying that we’re toys to be used and abandoned, that we have no feelings or love, so it’s okay to use us and leave us.

I wouldn’t even go near someone like that. No way.

August 8, 2007 at 11:44 am
(18) Hax says:

Gee a lot of you are being very tough and judgemental about this. I know lesbians who actually enjoy being the sexual initiator without any reciprocation. Contrary to some of the stereotypes suggested in these emails, its not always stone dykes who look like a man. I have long hair, wear lipstick, I am a lawyer [someone here seems to think that lawyers and doctors are automatically classy. Its not true!] and I like to do precisely what this woman wants. There can be stone femmes as well as stone butchesyou know. I am not however attracted to heterosexual women. I love butches. I love doing them and them not doing me. There are all types of sexual expression in the word and as lesians who traditionally suffer from negative judgements, why are we do down on this woman? She is upfront about what she wants sexually, does not intend to break anyone’s heart and just wants a woman to have sex with her without reciprocating. Men do this to women all the time don’t they? At least that’s what my straight women friends say. Leave her alone to get on with it I say.

August 8, 2007 at 3:58 pm
(19) SCButch says:

Finally someone who gets it, thank you Hax for so eloquently stating your thoughts. As long as she is upfront about her intentions and finds a willing partner then it’s on. I agree that love and passion are the pinnacle of intimacy but sometimes it’s just about the passion of sex. For those who disagree that is your opinion – I can respect that. Perhaps a little respect is in order for those who have a different take on things.

“A lustful libertine motivated by the calculated pursuit of pleasure”.

August 10, 2007 at 10:08 am
(20) Tina-cious.com says:

Hey, I’m not one to tell people what they can and can’t do… I’m all for casual (safe) sex if that’s what people want.

To each her own.

All I know is if a woman asked this of me I’d be highly offended.

But that’s just my opinion.

August 14, 2007 at 2:33 pm
(21) aquarious says:

I agree with SC Butch and HAX. I don’t think that she is trying to hurt anyone. Honesty is the best policy. We’re always saying that women with the curiosity need to just come on out and stop hiding. But with the lack of an open mind she could be scared to death to make that first attempt. That’s a shame becuse it could cause her to go further into the closet. At least she’s being honest and if she’s peaking out let her see something inviting. We all know how we love women and how beautiful it really is. Who knows, she could meet that stud (and I know for myself that what she’s looking for does exist) fall in love and want to love her back and change her life for ever. No harm no foul.

August 16, 2007 at 10:23 am
(22) Xan Smith says:

i’m actually going to answer the question, but i must agree with the women who say that this sh*t is very degrading and undermines everything the GLBTQ community has strived for. its so easy for her to ask of this in the present time because our predecessors labored to make a little thing like that possible. once upin a time women lost their lifestyles as well as lives over this kind of sh*t. nice to know that we paved the way for people such as yourself, good to know that this is what the end result of all of our lobbying (still continuing today) and protesting is. guess the heterosexist male still wins out, huh ladies? our efforts have made it possible for his wife to utilize us to tickle their fancies.

you’re welcome.

i will say there are some freaks out there and pretend-bisexuals/lesbians and ego-tripping butch/studs that will cater to your desires…try MySpace or Downelink.com (an all GLBTQI website, for hags & stags and the curious too).

August 21, 2007 at 2:38 pm
(23) I'm the one who asked the question says:

First of all I want to appoligize to all that I offended! That was simply not my intention! The only reason I asked in the first place was to gain some insight on the subject, and boy did I!!! I was simply trying to be honest and realistic when I asked. Who’s to say that if given the chance to enter into this lifestyle on my terms, I won’t embrace it and love performing as much as recieving. For those of you who made the comment that if I found a woman who simply wants to (and REALLY enjoys) performing for me I would be treated as a piece of meat, bring her on anytime anywhere as long as she’s good at it I WILL DEFINATELY lay there and take it. I’m getting wet just thinking about it!! So, any takers? I’ll be waiting to hear from you, and hopefully I’ll get to hook up with one of you. There HAS to be at least one woman out there that’s looking to tongue whip a clit with no strings attached!!

January 16, 2008 at 6:59 am
(24) L Wha? says:

It’s hard out here to find exactly what your looking for. But don’t quit trying. I love studs and got with some friends and started a stud dating website called http://www.studkings.com It’s new and exciting to see studs of all ages, and colors coming together to find love. Come add your profile it’s 100% free.

August 28, 2008 at 8:32 pm
(25) Our community says:

The hostility is this strong because we don’t want dick-loving women in the LGBT community. As a butch lesbian, I do not and never will have sex with a straight or bisexual woman. I have absolutely no interest in being with someone that has f****d a male and wanted/enjoyed it. It makes me feel sick to think of having sex with a woman who has had sex with a male. I also think being bisexual is a bunch of s**t, but that’s just my opinion.

If you want to experiment, go find some bisexual that’s in the same boat as you. Then you can “try” something new and both go back to males.

September 7, 2008 at 2:04 pm
(26) taylor west says:

Here is the thing honey, there are plenty of butches/studs out there waiting to make your fantasies come true. But if that is you in the pic,……….good luck. Not to say you are unattractive at all, but frankly, most of the studs I know are looking for high femmes. Go find some granola dyke or housewife to play with.

October 16, 2008 at 12:15 am
(27) kuaiwi says:

your a selfish bitch

October 26, 2008 at 8:39 pm
(28) PRINCESS says:


October 26, 2008 at 8:41 pm
(29) PRINCESS says:


October 28, 2008 at 1:01 pm
(30) andrea32 says:

Lesbians are so effing trashy. Just by looking at the comments and all the nastiness, lesbians have no class whatsoever.

So, if a woman wants to be dominated by another woman in bed, why does that woman have to be masculine? Only masculine people can dominate? A feminine woman can be dominated and pleasured by another feminine woman.

Secondly, I take offense that studs and stonebutches are called lesbians. If you look like a man and dress like a man and call yourself a big stud, you’re not a woman. You are transgendered. Lesbians are two women together. Not a woman with some wannabe man.

October 29, 2008 at 1:17 pm
(31) Pookie says:

Andrea, what a person looks like is not what makes them male, female, or transgendered. My wife is always being mistaken for a man, but she is all WOMAN, and will tell you so in a heartbeat. She is a woman who loves being a woman and loves loving women; she just happens to be a woman who feels more comfortable in masculine clothing. Call her a stone butch, a stud, a dyke, whatever you want, but she and I are the same thing; we’re lesbians. A lesbian is a woman who loves other women, and that’s what a butch/stud is.

October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm
(32) Classy Stud Here says:

We definately exist, although It may be harder to find someone interested in being your first, but “studs” or “tops” do exist. Personally, I love pleasuring a women. I have little desire for it to be reciprocated because pleasing a women in my “orgasm”. I get immense sexual pleasure out of feeling her body orgasm. I rarely require it myself. I know many women out there who feel the same way I do. Communication is key and becoming a part of the “gay” community may help you find what you are looking for. Of course, there is always the internet as well.. Good luck in your search!

October 30, 2008 at 5:17 am
(33) JF says:

“The hostility is this strong because we donít want dick-loving women in the LGBT community.”

Dick-loving women are included BY DEFAULT in the LBGT community. Note the letter “B”. Since when did “LBGT” start meaning “Lesbian Only”?

If you don’t want to sleep with a bisexual woman, or even any woman who has willingly been with a man no matter what she identifies with, it’s your choice and your opinion, but it’s really offensive for you to claim to speak for the rest of us in the lesbian community or the wider LBGT community.

February 8, 2009 at 8:06 pm
(34) Steve says:

I’m a straight male looking for lesbian women (CT)for an occasional social hour, to go out and no restrictions and just have fun talking, laughing. Not looking for anything more, just fun company once and awhile. Also, if any lesbians that know how to cut hair (fade), I would give that a try as well.

February 24, 2009 at 9:25 pm
(35) hmm says:

I hope you had some success!! It was refreshing that someone was actually being honest about what they wanted!! Anyone getting themselves involved in that at least can make an informed decision as to do it or not!! Im open minded and would be up for it!!

March 9, 2009 at 11:46 am
(36) Cougar_Dyke says:

I’m 50 now and live in Key West and never entered the lesbian community here because I find all the rules & restrictions about how a lesbian is “supposed” to live down right oppressive! The anger and hate spewn by women about other women is so sad. I persanally like dating women who are not in the lesian lifestyle more refreshing since they haven’t been tainted by all the rules. As far as the original poster, what she wants is what I like, and there are plenty of us! Good luck on your quest honey and don’t let the mean angry women here make you think we are all like this. Now lay back like a good girl :)

March 30, 2009 at 8:22 pm
(37) lyfe says:

femme here

April 2, 2009 at 9:11 pm
(38) Stunna says:

I just happened across this website while looking for info on “Studs”. I guess my situation is a lot different from the originator of this thread. A few weeks ago I met what you all call a stud at a family gathering. She is a close friend of one of my male cousins. Anyways, after getting to know her during the past few weeks, I am extremely attracted to her. This is all so new and confusing to me because I have never been attracted to females. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not just looking to experiment. I genuinely care for her and I want to take it to the next level eventually but I am so scared because I don’t know what to expect. I know she is feeling me too but I think she is waiting for me to initiate anything more than us just spending time together and talking on the phone. I swear, it’s like my first time all over again. Any guidance would be appreciated.

April 14, 2009 at 5:20 pm
(39) Classy Femme says:

What you are looking for is a hard-core stud. Probably the best place to find them is a black club. The term “stud” typically refers to a masculine black female. The white version would just be considered butch. A “stone butch” may also be hard-core, in that she doesn’t want anyone to touch her. Another place you may find them is on a basketball court, or if your city has a women’s football league or sometimes even softball leagues. Politically correctly, you can find out by asking if someone is “hard-core”. That usually means they are a touch-me-not. Most of these women look for extremely feminine women.

June 14, 2009 at 4:29 pm


June 19, 2009 at 2:38 am
(41) Brittney says:

I just happen to come across this site, and I wanted to leave a comment to your question. There is alot of anger with alot of the comments that were lefted and I can understand there anger but I would like to say that there are many “studs” or what have you out there that are what you are looking for. I can say that because my girlfriend is “butch” or “stud” what have you all the way. She get pleasure out of pleasing me and not getting anything in return, she says she gets her pleasure by me getting mine. Yes, us lesbians have feelings and have a normal life outside of sex and deal with real life problems just like everyone else. I also can agree that I think that bisexuals are stupid you are either gay or straight there is no in between. I will also say that making love to a women is the best experience you will ever experience and when you fall in love YOU FALL HARD and its alot harder to let go of a woman than it is a man. I fall in love with one man and I didn’t hurt as bad as I did when my first girlfriend broke my heart into. Just know what you are getting into, but a helpful hint once you get what you what you will end up attached cause its a TOTALLY different feeling in some many levels. Good luck!

June 19, 2009 at 2:43 am
(42) Brittney says:

Sorry for the mis-spelling, its been a long nite.

August 23, 2009 at 8:25 pm
(43) lynn says:

well brittney is right.my first love with a stud was so heart breaking its so hard to let go of a woman. iam a lesbian and i loved this girl with all my heart i would do any for her she is so sexy and ond day she just broke up with me talking about hard it was so hard but i was going to fighi to our relationship togather not really fight i love her with all my heart she was the best thing that happend to .so please be careful.love hurts.i still her very much.goodluck.

September 21, 2009 at 1:17 pm
(44) SweetSoftStud says:

Well when I’m an absolute stud and I’d like to say that there isn’t anyhting wrong with her not wanting to do anything. We’re all women and we all know what it feels like to be pleased.From what I gather str8 sex is more about the man being pleased so when str8 women have the desire for a lesbian the whole point of it is to be selfish. Now from my experience with women and hearing stories from friends they think that they don’t want to do anything because of the thought of eating pu**y scares them but in the moment they normally try to go down. besides when I was in my teens and early 20s my sole purpose in the bed was to please my girl. Pleasing her pleased me.

January 16, 2010 at 12:26 pm
(45) Boog says:


February 14, 2010 at 12:04 pm
(46) shanikwa leggett says:

if tats your decisiontats fine

February 28, 2010 at 11:12 pm
(47) EBOI says:


March 22, 2010 at 9:48 pm
(48) Ladi says:

Bisexual people are NOT stupid. We know what it is like to be attracted to both sexes. People who are not able to understand that are usually jealous of the fact that we are not restricted to one sex. As long everyone is open and honest everything should be fine.

May 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm
(49) andy says:

LOL…….I’m the opposite……a man, I want to do everything for a lesbian couple…….share their grooming, worship at their command, be their toy…….sit idly by while they please each other……let them use a strapon on my ass to take out their aggressions…….where can I find them?

May 19, 2010 at 3:15 pm
(50) marlonblogz says:

yeah ….its sounds good to me i could do that….. because its true i really do like to taste straight girl ok being a classy i believe everybody has their own capability and your case you want it and being stud we could deliver it to you ….it depends how we will drive you until you forget your preference in the world classy :) nor a word classy lol

August 14, 2010 at 2:28 am
(51) Dr. Young says:

There are definitely old skool studs that don’t desire to be pleased in return. They are almost everywhere. You just remain a lady and one will probably find you.

December 12, 2010 at 1:24 pm
(52) pain&pleasure says:

well i dont no…but jus last night i met sum1 like that..asked me the same question.an she says it would jus be sex ..right.shes very hot anyhow wat im trying to say there r studs who will do that.an if they intend to do so..they shouldn’t look or even utter the word love..show none..i can program my mind/emotions to jus dat an trust me that so call curious..straight women will feel so unwanted an she will be more into u than u an her even expected.i have had my experiences so i no an things works out better.

December 1, 2012 at 2:22 am
(53) rachel says:

We all ready. Have. That problem. With. A lot. Of the. Fem wemon we persu and with. And. Thair. Gay ..u.know…and not a bar I understand. How she. Fills. About. That. It kinda. Sounds. Like somone. Would. Have. To take. One. For. The. Team. And it sounds like she wonts. To who. One of us out for the nite lol I’m. Sorry. My best bet is bar or. Cregslist or a shot on a website or a clous friend

December 1, 2012 at 2:28 am
(54) rachel says:

We all ready. Have. That problem. With. A lot. Of the. Fem wemon we persu and with. And. Thair. Gay ..u.know…and not a bar I understand. How she. Fills. About. That. It kinda. Sounds. Like somone. Would. Have. To take. One. For. The. Team. And it sounds like she wonts. To hoe. One of us out for the nite lol I’m. Sorry. My best bet is bar or. Cregslist or a shot on a website or a clous friend

December 25, 2012 at 8:55 am
(55) Proper Girl says:

Trust, just as everyone has said, there are plenty of women (young and old) willing to fulfill your fantasy of experimentation w/no strings attached. I know of them but personally I don’t partake in those kinds of encounters. I’m a Lesbian. I love women. Their minds, personalities and then their bodies. I might be young but personally I love making love. You say you don’t want to visit a bar or club but that’s where you’d most likely find women drooling at any woman w/a vajayjay, just waiting for the opportunity to “turn a girl out”! Although, I don’t recommend getting w/one who’s so drunk, she doesn’t even ask you your name. The beautiful thing about being a lesbian? Pregnancy is one thing you won’t have to worry about but of course I hope you use protection. I personally can’t get mad at any woman that curious. We all were at some point, otherwise we’d keep our attraction to ourselves. Good luck

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