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We are the parents of a 15 Yrs old daughter and she has recently told us that she is gay. In a million years we would never imagined this coming. To us she was always a tomboy type, but we thought that she would grow out of it as other girls in our family do.

I don't Know how to accept my gay daughter

Now I donít know how to accept this. She tells us that she is still a virgin and never had sex with either gender. Her only encounter was when she kissed three girls in her Junior high and two boys. She says she felt stronger feeling towards girls. Now we donít know if this is a phase and only pray that it is. However we feel since sheís been hanging with these group of kids her age who are a mixture of gay lesbian and straights who are very liberal and make our daughter feel like sheís a part of something.This might be a big reason why she is acting this way.

Weíve had instances where we found out that she was cutting herself when she was 14. She responded by saying this was the only way she was able to get in touch with her emotions.

There was always something different about her

About coming out, she tells us was that she was tired of having these feelings and keeping it to herself and crying herself to sleep at night. I always knew that there was something different about her because she is very reserved and likes to isolate herself, bury her head in her books and her music, but lately itís been getting out of hand. I found lesbian music videos in her myspace page and she had another hidden myspace page that had more of this type of content. One time she came home three hours late because she said that she was hanging out with some girl that had a crush on her. Needless to say, we still gave her what we felt was a well deserved asswooping for lying to us about where she really was.

Our daughter gets very good grades in school and her teachers canít stop praising her enough. This is a good thing, considering all the bad things that could be happening, but as parents we feel that if she would of told us she was pregnant we would have handled that much better than this her being a Lesbian.

I don't understand it

I still canít understand it. Weíve always given her anything that she has wanted and always let her know that we love her, but this news that she has given us changes everything. We have a younger daughter we feel might be influenced by our older daughterís behavior. This isnít news we can share with the rest of the family and forget about us ever being grandparents.

All of this is just killing us. I see her now and get sick just looking at her. I just wanted to strangle her. All the time money and love put into this child and never trying to put to much pressure on her and ask very little in return and now she springs this shit on us. Both me and her mother are angry as hell and feel she is being influenced by outside sources and is just trying to fit in with her friends. I donít know how to handle this. We are ready to pull her out of her school and her after school film club activities and canceling her sweet sixteen. This is making us so sick we canít eat sleep or even think straight.
Distressed Dad

Dear Dad

I can feel your anguish and confusion. Certainly your daughter coming out is not something you planned for or even considered. But here it is and you are forced to deal with it.

The first thing you need to understand is that this is who your daughter is. Itís not something she chose or something she is doing to hurt you or because you are not good parents. Actually, the fact that she told you should be a testament to the fact that she trusts you and feels the ability to be open with you. Keep reading...
© Photo by Daycha Kijpattanapinyo

Comments
January 15, 2008 at 9:41 pm
(1) A says:

HEY ITS NOT EVEN HIS CHOICE BE HAPPY SHE FOUND ALLOT OF NICE FRIENDS! EVEN IF ITS A PHASE OR NOT! IF SHE WANTS TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY ITS HER CHOICE!…its scientificaly proven that being gay*** is in the D.N.A! so even if your youngest douter IS GAY TO then its not ur oldest douters falt! it could be a phase yes but the best thing u could do is just love her! dont say anything about her *being gay* in any type of negative way at all or ells u may lower her already low esteem from what i can tell. i know allot of friends who are the EXACT type of what u say ur daughter
is, some of them are gay some thought they where and some are posing gay cous they think its cool and some are straight. U CANT CHANGE WHO SHE IS if u do she will be depressed! for sure! she WILL figure out exactly who she is BY HER SELF! who knows tomorrow she might say shes straight!

January 16, 2008 at 12:55 am
(2) Mary Pat says:

I think it is sad that you have “conditional” love for your child. “I will not love you anymore if you are a lesbian.” Think about how that sounds to a kid. I have a young woman in my life that sort of drifted toward me when she came out to her parents when she was in her first year of college. She has gone through the hatred from a mother that she once adored. I have done everything I can think of to help her keep the lines of communication open with her parents.

She often tells me that I am more of a parent to her then her own mother. I was one of her high school teachers. Please think twice about your reactions. Those harsh words could cause a divide that may never be bridged. Do you want to go through the rest of your life with out contact with your precious child?

I had a student that committed suicide because his mother told him that she didn’t love him anymore because he was gay. He decide to hang himself in his mother’s garage so that she could see him hanging when she opened the garage door. He has a younger sister that has suffered with her brother taken from her because their mother had only harsh words for her brother.

I beg you to think about your reactions long and hard.

January 16, 2008 at 11:31 am
(3) M says:

Please please please find the courage to find and attend a PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians And Gays)meeting, you will have the help and guidance you need to understand what your daughter is going through.
You also will obtain the understanding that no matter how you raised her, no matter how much schooling, love, attention, clothes or money you gave would not have made a difference. She is who she is and it is your job as a parent to love unconditionally.
There are thousands of resources out there to help you and i suggest you turn your feeling of anger into something positive or it is likely you will lose her.

Focus on what an intelligent and giving woman she is becoming, and not what you expected her to be.

Good luck,
M

January 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm
(4) beefy says:

dad seriously sucks.
he’s acting like the poor girl robbed a f*cking bank.

treating her like she’s being a ‘bad girl’ for something she can’t control will only drive her further away.

i hope this girl can find help somewhere else, because she’s not getting it from her dead in the head ‘parent.’

January 16, 2008 at 1:16 pm
(5) Jess says:

I understand where this Father is coming from on some level. I am 26 and a lesbian, but I had a hard time coming out because I witnessed girls “becoming gay” for attention. It was often the ones that used to cut themselves for attention as well. I didn’t want to be lumped into this crowd, so I decided to wait until my early 20′s before I told anyone about my sexuality.

That being said, it is quite possible for this girl to actually be a lesbian. If that is the case then it will play out much later in life. I have to say my dating life didn’t improve until I was around 24…the time when people were getting out of college and starting serious careers.

My first assessment of this situation is that this girl needs attention.

January 16, 2008 at 11:12 pm
(6) Amethyst says:

I think this guy needs to mellow out! By no means is it her fault shes gay actually it shouldnt even be stated that way her “fault” being gay is not a bad thing. its a very happy thing in fact. its love. thats all man love. as an adult you would think he could understand.

January 17, 2008 at 11:06 am
(7) just_a_girl! says:

OMG! u sound like my dad! an i hate my dad for wot he is like! he told me it was just a phase and that i would 1 day b happily married to a nice man! well F*ck him am now 18 an still a lesbian! i was 16 wen i told him and after all the nasty things he sed i thought mayb it is wrong mayb i am a freak! so i went out drank a hell ov a lot and went home with a random boy i met! he didnt like dat much! i dun this a few times! thers no changing who you are! he still makes nasty coments about gay people!
u need to stop now! ur gonna loose ur daughter! deal with it! ur gonna make her feel worse and self harm will b how she deals with it!

January 17, 2008 at 11:59 am
(8) Jayce says:

Dad… I’ve had disappointments with my own daughter. I was furious with her for some behavior that she exihibited… I was stuck in my anger until I received a call that she was nearly taken from this life. I realized that day that I was happy, very happy to still have her in my life even if she lives her life differently than I WANTED FOR HER. There in lies the issue… I WANTED HER TO LIVE ACCORDING TO MY EXPECTATIONS. Please go get some help through PFLAG, love you daughter and be proud of who she is. It’s possible that she was “cutting” because she was struggling with coming out.

By the way, my daughter is not gay, I am. I lived with depression for years denying my own sexuality because of external expectations. I’m 50, didn’t come out until 7 years ago and am so much happier since walking in my own truth. Your daughter has my admiration for being honest with herself and you. Support your daughter, she is still your little girl who needs her dad and mom, always will be.

This is not your fault, it isn’t even about you.

Seek help with your grief and anger, you will be happier and healthier for it.

Jayce

January 17, 2008 at 12:18 pm
(9) firediva4411 says:

Dad, would you play Russian Roulette with the revolver up next to your daughter’s head? That’s exactly what you are doing with this ill-advised strategy. The pressure placed on us by society, parents and family can indeed suppress this for awhile…but not forever. We can run (or be made to run by others), but we can’t hide. Sooner or later, she will either become her authentic self, like she’s trying to do now…or she will likely die by her own hand or by risky behavior. I’ve been there, done that,and bought the t-shirt. Better she (and you) deal positively with it now than be like me and come out in my 40s with not only parents, but a husband and two kids who had to deal with it. My current girlfriend is going through the same hell at 47. As other respondents have pointed out, this is not a “choice” your daughter made. But if you keep pushing her to be straight, you will force a choice…abandon my parents and family (the choice of life) or choose death. That’s how stark the choice becomes when you reach the end of the make-believe “straight” road, Dad. Your daughter has already chosen life…life with her parents involved… a courageous choice. Now, Dad, it’s up to you…what do you choose for your daughter? Choose life…get some help in accepting this and enjoy your beautiful, talented, and loving daughter for many years to come.

January 17, 2008 at 12:57 pm
(10) kathleen says:

how sad that a parent can actually feel that way about their own flesh and blood, maybe it’s their own insecurities that make them act that way…I feel bad for the girl for having parents like that…it’s suppose to be unconditional love no matter what..I’m a parent of 4 children and ther’s no way I would ever treat them the way that these parents are treating their daughter…I love each one of my kids wether their straight, lesbian or gay…yes it can be a hard life to live but I will never turn my back on them…

January 17, 2008 at 2:37 pm
(11) jennylamb says:

I have always been gay but i have had 3 disasterous marriages,to men because in my day being gay wasn’t accepted.If this is a stage the girl will grow out of it.If not,she is still the same person.Love your daughter for herself not her sexual orientation.Believe me,women like myself are born this way,it’s not something we consciously choose.Good luck and don’t alienate your daughter as you will regret it later.

January 17, 2008 at 3:05 pm
(12) Maggie says:

This makes me so sad. I just want to give him a hug. I just pray this kid does not lose her father because of such hatred.

It has to be hard to love your daughter and hate her sexuality. my thoughts are with them.

January 17, 2008 at 4:25 pm
(13) Emma says:

I pretty much knew I was gay at 14, but hid in the closet (and in a marriage) until I was 39, because from conversations with my parents in my teens, I thought they would react like this. In the end the feelings that I thought would go away after 25 years, only became stronger, and I had to go with them. I have told my parents and they are fine. They have to be. This is who I am.

January 18, 2008 at 11:58 am
(14) kimberly says:

hey i know its hard for you to accept ur daugther because shes a lesbian. im a lesbian myself and da fact dat u wont let her be i think dats wrong!! you shouldnt try to change who she is just because you dont like it. dats not fair just let her find out who she is herself and dont tell her you dont love her. she trusted u by telling u the truth kuz she thought she could count on u and ur not supporting her. dats kinda fucked up let her be who she wants to be

January 18, 2008 at 2:13 pm
(15) DAD - DISTRESSED!! says:

Ive read all of your comments and thank you all of your honest feed back. From what Ive read so far seems that Im a selfish pig for what I am feeling, I wrote here from my heart on what I felt of my current situation. life is hard as a parent, its even harder for kids. I understand now that I need to grow more as a human being and put all of my feelings & ambitions aside and yes I agree you are supposed to love your child unconditionally and yet here I am feeling this way but, I can only imagine now how much worse I would feel if anything were to happen to her she is my heart and always will be. I just need to come to terms with this theres only so much crying I can do about it and yes I should commend her for her bravery in coming out this way for she is becoming a strong and intelligent woman and yes you are all right I best try to undo any damage I might of done. Ive been silent & cold towards her ever since she has told us, her mother has been more supportive than I. Just when I think I can stand up against anything Im knocked down on my ass and relearning once again I love my daughter so much I want only the best for her I guess I sort of felt betrayed but its not about me this much I now know, as a parent the only thing you can do in life is love your child and set them free when they choose their own path in life even if its not the one you would have chosen for them I guess I been so programmed by what society percieves as the norm. Im glad I wrote to this website at least now I have some sort of understanding that my daughter is doing a lot of self discovery and growing and dealing with a lot of different feelings. Here I am trying to educate my daughter to be understanding and carng towards others without prejudice and yet I am reacting in this way when she tells me something like this Im such an ASSHOLE she will probably never trust me again because she usaully hangs on my every word and I always try to Educate her or keep her informed on the different things that go on around the world so that she may have a better insite on life than I did, well i guess I just gave her one more thing to learn that people even the ones you love may say one thing but really mean another from now on she will have my undivided attention there is to much hatred in the world as it is and for me to show my child that I love no matter how different she is will make both me & her a better person for it. Thank You!

January 18, 2008 at 7:51 pm
(16) Cyn says:

Distressed Dad, you sound like my mother. She hasn’t out right said it but I KNOW she feels about the same as you do. She isn’t happy with my choice and would prefer that I’d date guys but the bottom line is that I don’t like them. Here’s something that my girlfriend told me to tell my mother when she starts saying crap to me about my life:

“mom, i’m gay. I’m not out doing drugs, drinking, stealing, or killing people, and i’m happy with who i am and who I’m with. Isn’t that what you want for me? to be happy?”

hope it helps.

January 19, 2008 at 3:55 am
(17) Fern Lee says:

Distressed Dad, I congratulate you. You have already grown by being big enough to read these comments, take them to heart, learn & change. If you are honest with your daughter, she will love you even more for trying to understand & accept. She needs your support right now, & there is still time for you to admit to her that you were wrong & that you will support her & accept her, whatever her decision. I think acceptance is the key here as straight people battle to understand the complexities of gay & lesbian emotion, as it is as alien to straights as a martian is to humans. We humans tend to fear what we don’t understand which is one of the reasons why there is so much antagonism towards the homosexual society. I believe in the philosopy “It’s not what happens to you that counts, but the way you react to it.” Your attitude is your choice, positive or negative. Go forth & conquor your negative attitude & you will still have the love you want from your daughter. She needs you right now, all of you, her family. Be good to each other & your rewards will be boundless. Good Luck.

January 19, 2008 at 6:46 pm
(18) Tadpole says:

Distressed Dad, You will be fine and so will your daughter. You have already moved on so far in a short time.

I knew I was gay when I was 14 but I was really afraid to tell anyone as I knew what would be coming my way. I managed it when I was 21 and am a happy 45 year old now in a wonderful relationship.

Dont forget that all of you have been subjected to the same negative images of lesbians that we are bombarded with. Try not to be too hard on yourself but do keep an open mind and heart. Give yourself a breather, talk to one another, talk to other parents and continue to build and develop a loving relationship with your daughter.

January 20, 2008 at 2:16 pm
(19) Amy says:

Dear disstressed dad..
You were contradicting yourself.. You love your daughter for being “NORMAL” but you nolonger love her for being herself? Thats not right..

January 24, 2008 at 1:48 pm
(20) sarah anderson says:

bottom line do you love your daughter.even though it is hard to do support her at least you can talk to her in person not cut off and missing her or even worse going to the cemetery every sunday to stare at a granite stone.life is to short to cut off contact forever.never know it might be a phase of life but support and love her she is your daughter

January 24, 2008 at 2:36 pm
(21) Wendy says:

This Dad sounds like what my parents are like. First, looking at how their daughter’s sexuality effects them and then denying that she is or may be what she believes she is.

Between 14 and 15 I realized I was not into boys, I was attracted to other girls, and one girl in particular. She and I were together all thru high school and then I lost her. I was 18 and went to my parents and that was how they found out, about 2 weeks before graduation. After that I was on my own pretty much, they couldn’t wait to get me out of their house. We are now totally estranged, not even cards exchanged. Don’t cut your daughter out of your life. She may be gay, but she is STILL your daughter. As for grandchildren, my partner and I are dicussing having kids one day – once we feel we’re mature enough for the responsibility. So, maybe never, but the point is, you could have grandkids and would you want to miss out on their lives, on your daughter’s life, just because she doesn’t neatly fit the mold you built for her?

I got lucky, my love’s parents are terrific and they have taken me into not just their hearts but into their lives. They also have a younger daughter, who is perfectly aware of the relationship between myself and her sister. She’s straight so being gay isn’t catching. She stays with us for the weekend at times and we love having her and I love having a family that IS a family. Keep your daughter in your family, in your life and accept who and what she is, no matter if she is gay or straight. Accept and respect her.

January 24, 2008 at 6:13 pm
(22) Jayce says:

Bravo Dad!!!! Sounds like you are already growing through this. Let your daughter read what you have written and each of us in our support of the situation. I would bet that she will have a bit of respect for you for reaching out for advice.

Life will get easier as will your view of your daughter’s sexuality. It really isn’t a choice.
Jayce

January 24, 2008 at 9:16 pm
(23) Elise says:

Holy Crap Batman! Where have you parents been hiding?? Please allow her to come live with me so she can feel safe in being exactly the perfect person she is and be encouraged to experience life with NO REGRETS about who she is. My god…I never had children but, how I wish I could have yours. I promise you, she would feel honored and respected simply by being allowed to live HER life and not being reprimanded and disregarded for NOT living YOURS.
WOWZER…2008 and there are still people such as yourself breeding this hate.

January 24, 2008 at 10:58 pm
(24) Jeannie says:

Dad, Wow, to read that and then your reply comments shortly following. I have to say you are so selfish at first with your comments and then to turn around and admit how stupid you are with your thoughts, that takes a big man. My sister came out to my family, not my parents at age 22. She could not face them and rightfully so, they would not talk to her for two years after I gracefully told them of her new discovery. She was influenced by the “softball” team members who made her feel right, but I knew at a young age both of us were different. My coming out took until my last parent died two years ago. I am now 42 and just starting a new life and new desire to find love. I have never had a relationship with a man nor a woman all these years because I did not want them to meet my dysfunctional parents and their bias opinion of what I should receive as a love partner. So if you were to get your daughter back as a straight girl or so you wish for, she would probably turn off her feelings to anyone sexually for fear she will lose her parents love, like I. My life has been tormented by my hiding of my real desire for women, and because of that I could have married a wonderful woman by now and had children and the white picked fence like you so want for your daughter, but instead she will be fearful of sharing again. You must admit to your daughter how ignorant you have been, uneducated on the subject and enlighten her that together you will enjoy this new discovery and support her anyway possible, or else she will lie, sleep with men just “because” she is supposed to like them, or start drinking or drugs like I did to get back at my parents. My life was wasted, don’t let her do the same because of your ego! I would hope you can learn and grow as she will in the years to come. YOur first great move was writing to this site, and the second was going back to read the replies and comments, you are on the right road to communication and understanding.

January 26, 2008 at 2:12 am
(25) tracy says:

Its not something she chose or something she is doing to hurt you was the advice given and my reply would be how does one know that or automatically assume that. you don;t know that man;s daughter. newsflash – every woman (many of which lean strongly towards the hetero side) who has relationships with other women are not born gay. there is a spectrum here and given the way society views lesbians more and more womern are choosing it. the butch woman who gets straight women for a short time – are those straight women choosing to be gay – yes they are.

January 28, 2008 at 2:25 am
(26) MICHEL says:

i can not believe im reading this! he gets sick just by looking at her? i hope u understand that this has nothing to do with u n ur wife but everything about ur daughters happiness…i hope truely u get the help u need n please try to open ur mind just a little n listen to her. most kids wouldnt even tell their parents stuff like that n u should be proud for her. u cant always blame the friends, she needs them right now since u arent giving her any good advice!! u have to understand that its not anything u or ur wife did wrong for her to be who she is…

August 10, 2008 at 1:09 pm
(27) Anjelica says:

Please please please PLEASE do not punish your daughter for her choice. She was open to you about why she feels attracted to girls. She said she felt stronger feelings for the girls she kissed then the boys. If you want to discipline her for lying to you about where she hangs out, or hiding what you consider inappropiate content on her webpages, then that seems normal, you have to have rules and limits. But punishing her, pulling her out of school and her afterschool activities, will only isolate her further. And it will not strengthen your relationship at all. It will only make it worse. You’ll drive her further away. I’m begging you, as someon who has been there to please do not punish her for her choice. It may not be what you wanted for her, and it may be your worst nightmare, but punishing her for something she probably cannot help/controll, will make everything worse.

March 2, 2009 at 8:45 pm
(28) beckie says:

being gay is a choice that is made. people say god made me this way…no satan influences this world..unnatural, sexually immoral, deviant lifestyle. you do not misstreat them, but you do not waller in the mud with them either.

May 21, 2009 at 3:33 pm
(29) Another father says:

This sounds very similar to my daughter – even the cutting (for which she received several months of in-patient counseling) and a suicide attempt. Now she is in college and recently came out to us (her family). Not the easiest, but we have told her we still love her and can accept it if she can be happy. The big problem(s) we have had are 1) she has been hanging out with a girl we have met one time and a few times has been out drinking and lieing to us as to where she is going to be and when she will be home. Then, just the other day, found out that she has been giving money to this girl. This girl lives with her father and she is unemployed, plus we also found out she has been out of re-hab for 5 months. She spends money on her buying her lunch and food, plus she gave her some money to help pay the rent and to bail her father out of jail! We hate to see her throwing her future away (she is accepted into nursing school) and has a pretty good job at present. She feels such an emotional attachment to have somebody need her and that seems to be the hold this girl and her loser father have on her. I’ve told my daughter that I love her and can accept her being a lesbian. (I don’t really care for that tag – she is still the same person she has always been – lesbian is just a label). How come she can’t see that this girl and her father are using her and how can we help her without offending her ? I love my daughter and accept her for who she is – and I’ve told her so. She is on the way to messing up her life – as her parents, we can’t (won’t) provide the means to enable her to give money to this rehab girl and her father. We told her that we would take her car away – we provide it for her, de-activate her cell phone, she would have to buy her own insurance and tried to reason with her, but told her that if she chose to leave, she could. She even started packing some of her clothes and my wife made it clear to her that she could only take the suitcase that belonged to her – when my daughter said that she would come back to pick the other things up, my wife told her the doors would be locked. This is a hurtful thing to deal with in our family – we finally (her brother and sister too) reasoned with her to stay and try to sort things out. My son (urged on by my wife) had texted this girl and told her we wanted to meet with her and her father to discuss the money she had given to them. She went around in circles until my son told her what he thought of her and her father. The father called back and yelled through the phone at my son. This girl of course called my daughter and let her know what was going on. My daughter was so worried about if this girl would even like her anymore, my son called her back and apologized and did tell her that maybe we just need to get to know her better – have her come hang out at our house some of the time. Anyway…later last night a couple of my daughters other friends came and picked her up and talked with her – when she came home later my son and her talked and she told him she may move in with these girls in a couple of months. Plus she said that things were over with her and the rehab girl because the girl told her she was just like her family (meaning my daughter and us). However, I’m not sure what to believe from my daughter anymore, as she has lied quite extensively to us. On the night she came out to us, I hugged her closely and told her I loved her, that things didn’t change because she felt the way she did and I remember talling her that it must have been a huge burden to keep those feelings inside and that now that she made them known, she wouldn’t have to lie anymore. Sorry this is so long – I guess it’s therapy in a way to write these things out. It is helpful to know that others are going through the same thing – love your daughter and help her in the best way you can to lead a fulfilling and happy life

August 5, 2009 at 3:31 am
(30) martin says:

my daughter has just told me that she is gay, something that i have suspected for a while. to me it will make no difference at all, she is my daughter and i will love her until i can no longer ( my death). i will always give her my support and continue to be her father no matter what. i will do this because i want her to remain in my life and me in hers. what has sexual orientation got to do with it anyway, she is still a person and should be given respect, more so from me and her family.

April 24, 2010 at 1:03 pm
(31) A says:

You should love your daughter no matter what she is. You should be thankful she is a very intelligent girl and is doing well at school. She was cutting herself probably because she felt she had no one to talk to and she was scared to tell you because you might judge her and see her as an abomination instead of your daughter. A secret as big as that can make you feel as if you’re isolated and lonely and scared because you have no one to confide in and it feels as if you’re being eaten up by it. She is hanging around with lesbians because she can talk to them and realte to them and truly be herself and she sounds like a very smart girl who isn’t going to do anything stupid. Try to read books about other parents going through this and maybe have a talk with your daughter and tell her how much she means to you and you will always love her and be there for her no matter what. I have some idea of what it’s like. I am the same age as your daughter and a lesbian.

June 19, 2011 at 7:49 am
(32) Lisa B says:

You pathetic man. ‘You can’t have this, that and the other if you are gay’.

You don’t deserve kids, let alone a relationship with them.

Grow up before it is too late.

July 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm
(33) Another Dad says:

I’ve just had this coming out story with my one daughter (16). She’s a twin but they’re chalk and cheese – one is bubbly and outgoing, the other – let’s call her S – has always been inward and withdrawn. A bit like me really, particularly at her age. She at least has called out for help and been for therapy and put on antidepression medication. It’s what I needed at her age – I attempted suicide at that time of my life. Anyway, she says she’s gay. This was a shock and I can see since last week I haven’t really talked to her and she’s been by herself. I need to give her the reassurance that it really doesn’t matter. She’s my daughter, after all.
Both girls are top 10 academics – always within 1% of each other.

September 7, 2012 at 1:44 pm
(34) Megan says:

My daughter just told me and my husband she might be gay. SHe said she thinks she has felings for a girl but isn’t sure but then in the sam conversation she says she’s felt like this before. I’m so confused and I can see she is too. My hsband on the other hand is extremely mad. Niether of us agree with this life style and I’m sure people are going to criticize me for saying that but hey its what I believe. I don’t criticize my daughter I love her regardless but my husband is not there yet. How can I can I help both of them keep thier relationship going? Help my daughter discover who she is even if it’s not what I agree with or even like? SHe’s only 16 never had relationships before how does even know she’s gay? Like I said I support her but I don’t agree with her possible lifestyle choice and my husband doesn’t know how to separate the 2. Thinking of getting all of us into a counseling session. Any POSITIVE feedback? Truely I don’t need people being rude I just need just advice on how to positively support my daughter and help my husband.

September 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm
(35) Tara Leigh says:

Reading this actually pissed me off quite a lot.
Look, I’m no parent. I’m an only child, 26 years of age and Gay.
What this daughter is doing, is being herself. Her actions are exactly those of a young girl wanting to be herself and that is to be Gay. Her father seems to be too angry? To want to strangle her? Come on now.
My parents were frustrated when I came out at age 17. My father grew distant and hateful. He always called me names, picked on me and we’ve never been the same since. My mother is the peace maker type and I could see how much she tried to accept it however my father was in her ear too much and she was definitely torn on what decision to make. Though, she never changed with me. Always shows me affection and calls me daily and we have a great time when we see each other.
I left home at 17 and never been back. It was the only way to remain sane, for all of us I think.

I don’t know how hard it is for parents that have gay children, but at the end of the day – they are your babies, your flesh and blood. What ever happened to unconditional love? I know when the time comes for my partner and I to have kids- if they are straight, we will love them just as much as anything else in this world. So in this day and age why can’t parents learn to see past the sexual preference and realize we are still humans with goals and good intentions.

I really hope this daughter gets out and lives her life her way, she doesn’t need parents like that. It will end up causing too much mental trauma and heartache. Sure it’s difficult for some parents to live with their child being gay BUT it is just as hard for a child to live with no support from their parents.

April 9, 2013 at 12:10 pm
(36) ilva says:

Dear Megan and all of you who are here asking for help,
I am here in this place today because my husband and I got a phone call at 10:30 pm (03/14/13), from my 20 y old daughter telling us that SHE’S GAY! Like any parents who love their children and made all kinds of sacrificies for them, my husband and I still in shock, angry, disapointed ( asking to ourselves where it was wrong). We also don’t have anyone (besides God) to ask/share our “new situation” that our so beautiful, caring, responsable, smart and only child ” insistis who she’s today. Well, by choice, I was stayed mom since my 8th month pregnant til she was 15y 10 m. But as the economy got “rough” her dad and I bought our own business and we had to work together (the same amount of hours, day, etc). But I never left my baby w/o many texts, phone calls etc. We both are very caring, responsable and we love her to death. That’s why I am looking every website, blogs wherever I can reach. And I can see how many of us are looking for an answer. So, when my daughter called to let me know that she’s gay, a voice from me very firmily said to her: NO, YOU ARE NOT! and between our suffering, tears, I immediately spoke w/ God asking Him to help her and all of us who are “dealing” w/ their new lifestyle.In meanawhile, I was looking for a prayer that goies straight from our hearts (her dad’s & I) to my daughter’s. I found one prayer, today, that I would like to share it w/ anyone who’s “dealing” w/ their children’s lifestyle choice, it does not matter what choice it might be. (www.JesseRichMinistries.com – A PRAYER FOR MY DAUGHTER)-
After praying it once ( I started it today) I felt that God is taking care of my baby because I ,immediately, felt peace inside my heart after reading it loud & saying her name . SO HELP ME GOD!

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