My daughter told me that she is a lesbian and has a girlfriend. She asked me not to say anything to anyone, but I feel like I need someone to talk to about this. She is 15 and her girlfriend is 17. I have met her girlfriend and like her. She is very sweet and treats my daughter very well. My daughter is not allowed to date until she turns 16, in three months. Her girlfriend is fine with that and has agreed to go out with groups of friends until then.
I have asked them just to be honest with me. I have told them that they should never feel uncomfortable in my house. I support her decisions in life and just want her to be happy, but I must admit that I am feeling a little anxious about this. I worry about how people may treat her once she tells them. I wonder if this is just a phase, because she likes boys too. She is so young and inexperienced in life. I need to educate myself, so that I can help her through anything that may come up. I can love her and hold her and accept her unconditionally, but this may take more than that.
I have lesbian and gay friends, but I can not talk to them until my daughter is ready for other people to know. I am letting it be her place to tell those in our family and circle of friends. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get educated and also support?
Dear MomThe first thing you need to know is that you need support. Yes, you should honor your daughter's wishes to come out to people herself, but I suggest you tell her that you need to talk to someone and that you would like to tell one person about her so you can get support. I suggest picking one of your gay and lesbian friends.
You can sign onto the Lesbian Life forum and speak with other lesbians to answer any questions you might have.
Also, here is an article I wrote that may be helpful about how to support your child when she comes out.
You can also check out PFLAG, a support and informational group just for parents.
Finally, Always my Child by Kevin Jennings is an excellent book.
It's nice to hear from you. Write back if you have more questions.
© Photo by Kati Garner