Where to Meet Lesbians

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July 15, 2008 at 2:08 am

(1) Jessie says:

I - I’m gay and comfortable with my sexuality. I’ve been in a stable relationship for the past 16 years - I love my partner and we share so much together and this has given me great joy and comfort. However our love-life ceased at quite and an early stage in the relationship when she went through the menopause. I tried for years to address the situation but she said she couldn’t do anything about it and suggested that if I needed to find someone else that I should. I have chosen to stay in the relationship and deal with the lack of physical contact. However, I’m 13 years younger than her and very sexually charged and so I have found the lack of physical contact/exchange in our relationship very hard to deal with. I have not had any affairs but have flirted and fantasied plenty to get by. This past year I have developed feelings for a work colleague who has been hard to get to know - shy and the complete opposite to me. I have always been attracted to her and knew that although currently single she was ’straight’. We had begun to build our friendship - emailing eachother at work (mainly initiated by me but always recipricated by her), having fun on work nights out and then she announced she was leaving work and moving away. This pushed all of my feelings to the fore and I realized that not only did I desire her physically but that I was falling for her emotionally. I came out to her one night on a work do and she was fine with it - flattered, hugged me but told me she was straight. Next day when both sober I asked to spend time with her at lunch (note with some cut flowers laid on her desk )to explain my sudden ‘outing’ and to let her know that my feelings were not the result of a mere drunken moment. She told me that there was no need and that this had happened to her before but agreed to meet me and thanked me for the flowers. We spent an hour in the park and she listened to me and she told me she was cool with gays and sympathised that it must be difficult when you’re gay unless you ask someone out-right about their sexuality. Then she opened up about her personal life -past boyfriend, childhood. It was lovely but only made me want to be with her even more. I should have left things there and accepted that we could still be friends (even though she will eventualy move away from area completely), but i felt compelled to make sure she knew that I was there for her and i sent her an email thanking her for lunch and her time and understanding and reiterating my feelings. I also gave her a poem I had written expressing my desire/feelings for her. The latter freaked her out and she tried to cut me off dead - emailed me (by response to my email apologising for my selfish cathartic behaviour and saying that I would deal with my feelings and asking that we remain friends), suggesting we kept communication strictly professional from now on and that she felt that we had gone past the point of no return. I was gutted and have been stressing out. This has all happened within one week and she will be leaving at the end of this week. I took a chance and waited for her on a corner on a route into work last Friday so I could say sorry and try and salvage our friendship and because I was becoming ill with stress and upset over the situation. She told me that it was best to ‘forget about it and move on’. She said this twice and we began talking small talk - ‘how’s it going, cleared your desk yet..?’. I spent the rest of the day bouncing off the walls with relieve and felt on a high and hoped that we could work things out but the weekend followed and on Monday she was still not right with me at work - strained smile, minimum response to work related communications. I’m so mixed up and hurting - still want her and have realized I’m in love with her but I so badly want us to make-up and hug and know that I can see her after she’s left but don’t know how to sort this out without appearing to harass/stess her. I haven’t exchanged any emails with her since she rejected me but do want to go to her leaving do. The real problem is that I still can’t help feeling that she does have feelings for me that go beyond platonic friendship but that she is no where near confronting them but then I could just be projecting my fantasy world on her/us….all of this and that’s without even considering the impact on my long term relationship this situation is/may have…Can you please help me?