What does the word "Queer" Mean to You?
Friday May 30, 2008
In an evolving and changing culture words can change meaning. For example, the word "queer" was once used as an insult to gay and lesbian people, meant to deride them and put them down. Today, many members of the LGBT community have reclaimed the word queer and wear it with a badge of pride. But what exactly does the word queer mean? Do you agree with my definition of the word queer? Or, do you agree with Ann who wrote in to tell me I had the definition all wrong?
Problem: queer is not just a blanket term for LGBT. It is, in fact, a term that means, specifically, a dissident identity - an identity that resists regimes of normalcy. Most gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and trannies are simply NOT queer. I think you should re-consider your definition. I choose to identify as queer, queerdyke, and a host of other terms, but queer should only be used when not meant as an "easy way to say gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender." On another note, those four categories cannot be reduced to one simple umbrella - in fact, the people who identify as LGBT can often not be reduced to one particular letter of the alphabet. Just because your life is a simple lesbian life does not give you the authority to define "queer" by how you use it. Try using the definition that people who identify as queer would use. That's the appropriate way.
Here is part of my response to Ann:
Your response reminds me of the arguments we had in the 90s (and still have today) about the definition of the word lesbian. Can someone be a lesbian if she sleeps with men? Some would say yes, some would say no. Who is right? Can someone be a lesbian if she has never had sex with a woman? Who decides the definition? Does any one person have more of a right to define a word than another?
i see it as an umbrella term
http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
I indentify as queer and like the word. For myself queer means different not normal. And that is enough for me and all I need to define myself — I really loath labels, roles and stereotypes. Queer for me means hard to define and different – genderless.
janet
I was in love with my best friend. Had a crush on this fine butchly gal in High School, but went with the same guy those three years. As an outlaw biker, I dated whoever I wanted to regardless of gender. That makes me bi, right?
Got married and had kids. Straight?
Marriage didn’t work, fell in love with a dyke. ummm . . . .back to bi?
That relationship didn’t work out, but I’ve never found my way back across, let alone onto, the fence. I have zero interest in ever being with a man again. I am exclusively attracted to women and content with life as a what? Lesbian, wouldn’t you think? Yet I am routinely rebuffed by the lesbian community once “they” find that my children were conceived in the traditional way rather than in a fertility clinic. The tension relaxes some when I share that two of my three daughters are lesbian (as if my genetic credentials excuse my lapses of judgement).
I am not a gender queer; have never been called sir. I am, most certainly, a member of the “queer” community.
Kinsey was right. Sexuality is complex and, for many, fluid.
Here’s my concern. It seems we are all so busy seeking identity that we lose track of the bigger picture. Never mind our individual identities. LesBiGay? Trans? Whatever! We have yet to receive recognition of our rights as full-class citizens. I fear we will not achieve that most-important goal unless we become one, cohesive community.
Couldn’t we save the arguments over syntax for later?
I would like to say that I have always identified as queer. I like to use the word queer because it doesn’t classify me as one thing. I can be many different things and would never want to loose my queer identity. Oh and by the way your definition sounds perfect to me.
I often identify myself as queer. To me, queer is a more fluid term for sexuality, simply meaning ‘not straight’. It’s simply easier than saying “I’m a 5 ish on the Kinsey scale, but it varies a little” or something…
I’m queer, because I’m not straight.
One thing that feels tricky to me, however, is that I have some friends in a hetero relationship who are claiming to be in a “queer” relationship, because they espouse enjoying the “freedom” of the lack of rigidity that the term seems to imply. Interesting. Complex. Delicious.
p.s. I also identify more often as queer _because_ it’s an umbrella term. Prior to “queer”, I identified as “bi”. Some might find bi to be transphobic as it reasserts a binary gender system. In alliance with genderqueer folks and those of us who see gender on a continuum that holds more than two, I tend to ditch bi and go to queer.
I like that your definition is pretty concise, and acknowledges that the term is different for different, um, queers. To me the term is kind of entertaining. But if I describe myself as queer (or dyke!) to my straight friends, they sometimes get all offended.
I think what matters most is not to let myself be defined by other people – even other gay people.
I detest the word when applied to women. I’m a lesbian, the term “lesbian” is a proud old term with provenance and history and I’m not inclined to chuck it for something less defining. I’m dame proud to be a lesbian, I’m not “gay” or “fag” or “queer” I’m a lesbian, period.
I honestly don’t like the word maybe because when you usually hear it, it’s coming from someone who is making a negative statement about someone. To me, it’s as bad as calling a black person a n$##er. I use it as black people use the “n” word when I speak with my other gay friends but dislike hearing others, especially str8 folks, use it.
“You damn QUEER” ……… my response? “Hmmmm, thank you for being so damn aware but you say that as if it’s a bad thing.”
Rickie Lee aka the DieselDyke of FL
Without context the word ‘queer’ reads to me as very similar to what Ann described, and I like it because of that. I feel it describes me better than a lot of other terms.
I just take it to mean whatever that person describes themself as. If they’re using it as a blanket term, it’s usually pretty obvious.
I just assume people using it as a blanket term just don’t think of the same connotations as I do, which I find quite understandable.
I think I’ve heard the word “queer” used more in a negative way than positive. I personally prefer to use the word “gay” as an umbrella word (even though some would say it refers mainly to gay men) or lesbian. Whenever I hear someone refer to themselves as queer, it almost makes me do a double-take because of the negative way that I’ve heard many straight people use the word. But, with all that said, I think your definition is right on point.
I think that any term is not going to fully fit anyone’s understanding of self; our lives are much bigger than the words we use to describe ourselves.
I see the problems with the word queer, but it is one that I’m most comfortable with in reference to myself, because it seems to connote breaking out of a mold and living life on your own terms, especially in relation to one’s sexuality.
I also really like that “queer” is a word that being reclaimed from its negative connotations! Make it your own!
I have definitely pondered and mused about the q-word. Whether queer is perceived as an umbrella, as acknowledgment of spectra and fluidity, and/or as rejection of tired rules of identity, I embrace, utilize, and revel in my queerness.
Whether one hears the term more in a positive breath than with a negative one may have to do with where you live or who you hang out with. These days I hear it used waaay more often positively. Back when I first heard it used positively, I was a little taken aback, but at that time I used to identify as bisexual. I never felt comfortable with that term for whatever reason, maybe because, like Randy my exact spot on the kinsey is not nailed down. I am a single mother and learning that actually I kind of like being with out a partner of either gender. I call myself queer, because well I don’t feel like I fit anywhere else, so it is kind of a blanket, it is just a very large blanket, come on under!