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Dear Lesbian Life:

I haven't been with a woman since 1980. There have been a couple of women, but nothing with any promise. I kept hoping. I actually believed anyone should be thrilled to have someone love them to the degree I love. You would be surprised how hard it is to get someone to love you after you even have agreed to provide a written guarantee. Yes, I can do that! Iíve never walked away from anyone... oh wait!! Iíve never had that opportunity!

So, do you have any ideas how this crazy-ass woman might find somewhere to meet someone? I did glance at your site explaining how to go about trying to "catch" someoneís eye. Iím 57 and have never gone looking for anyone. Iím older now and needless to say my assets have dropped! I will consider any advice you provide as long as it doesn't mean I have to go out and try to talk to someone. Yes, unfortunately I am THAT reserved...
Looking for Love after 50

Dear Looking for Love,

Iím sure it took a lot of guts for you to write for advice. Iím glad you did. But Iím not sure the advice Iím going to give you is the advice you are looking for. I canít tell you youíre going to be able to meet someone without actually putting some effort in. Being shy is okay, but it hasnít gotten you a date in 28 years. If you want to see some change in your life, youíve got to make changes. Youíve written to me, so I can only assume you are ready to make some changes in your life. So here goes:

Internet Dating

The good news is, unlike 1980, we now have the Internet as an option for dating. I have heard from many lesbians of all ages that they have met their partners online. If you do meet someone online, eventually you will probably want to meet her in person, but hopefully by that time you will have emailed and talked to her on the phone enough that a face-to-face encounter wonít scare you to death!

Desperately Seeking Lesbian Love

But also, I hear a tone of desperation in your voice. You offer to provide a written guarantee that you will keep loving someone. How can you do that? You donít know how your feelings will change and grow over time. Certainly you can make a commitment to someone after you have been with her for a time and decide this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But donít jump the gun here.
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© Photo by Sebastian Schaeffer
June 3, 2008 at 10:56 pm
(1) Julia says:

Looking For Love: I do not normally comment after I read Kathy’s articles, but I have to reach out to you. Take Kathy’s advice re the internet. Please! I have been there and done that! I am now in a committed relationship. Yep, I met my “soulmate” on the ‘net. I, too, tend to be reserved; therefore, the internet allowed me to pick and choose, so to speak. Please, try it! Good luck and Peace.

June 5, 2008 at 11:31 am
(2) Cindy says:

You sound like i did a few years back, and I was younger, so it has nothing to do with your age.. whatever you do, dont settle for whoever! I met my beloved partner by snail-mail! As a penpal that is, but now there is the internet too. I am shy, but when I write, I can express my feelings so much better.. good luck to you, I hope youfind someone who FALLS DEEPLY IN LOVE with you!

June 5, 2008 at 3:51 pm
(3) Carol says:

I am fast approaching 70. I met my love online almost 4 years ago. There was no doubt we are each others “soulmates.” I moved to be with her and then my cancer returned. I had to move back to where my docs were so I could undergo surgery. We weren’t sure we could still make it because I need to say where I am for awhile. We have made a new commitment to each other and need to take this time to get to know each other better. She is shy, but she is becoming less shy with me who is very outgoing. I believe everyone has someone out there; don’t lose patience and don’t isolate. If I can kick cancer in the ass, you can find the love of your life! Go for it!

June 6, 2008 at 11:29 am
(4) Deb says:

I am 50 now myself and found someone online without even looking. She was first a person I spoke to with things in common. then it became someone who love and care about me.Crazy thing was that she was alot younger than me but that did not matter. Distance don’t matter if its right. My partner came from Utah and I from NY.We been together over 4yrs.Planty are looking so join a group and start chatting but avoid those just wanting sex.

June 9, 2008 at 2:06 pm
(5) Faith says:

People are finding their loves on line, but there are other ways too. What do YOU love? Is it gardening, golf, knitting, reading? Maybe even try something new. Find a group and join it. Get comfortable with people and then you’ll be more open to a deeper relationship. And get some confidence! My lover of 15 years would say I am clearly the better dancer…but she’s the only one I really want to dance with, no matter how she dances.

July 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
(6) Channithothal says:

Life is once and everybody have to live according to guidlines given by our religions.Even that is Islam, Cristian,Hindu,Budha etc. The peoples runs behind sex in early ages looses the cause of lives for which they sent to the world. I am over 50 now and ever escaped myself from these things i mean sex and like so many others. Suddenly it came to my mind that I have every thing I mean a loving family but some people are also passing their lives in the world who loosed this all i mean love so why not share their lives. So I decided that if some woman living in west specially in canada(becos i love that country) and is over 50 looking for a partner who can give her what she not got in 50 years and will not gain in next life may contact me through above email address. I promise that I will try to return every thing which she loosed in good life when she was beautiful and was able to do good. Waiting for response.

November 1, 2008 at 7:24 pm
(7) blue says:

I am in the same situation as you. I haven’t really dated a woman since 1982, though have had a few romantic friendships. Saturday nights are the worst for me. I make those nights even worse when I tell myself I will never find anyone. The irony is that I live in the SF Bay area where there are plenty of lesbians–but it seems that by my age 57, all of them are married.
Today I am feeling a little discouraged, and I don’t have too much constructive to say, but I at least wanted to tell you there is at least one other lesbian in your shoes.

November 19, 2008 at 9:34 am
(8) mary says:

im looking too for a female gay woman like myself im not desperate but i am lonely e mail me if your in the same predicament who knows xcheers m happimessenger@yahoo.co.uk

June 19, 2010 at 2:33 am
(9) Loretta says:

Im 49 and live in a very small town in Northern California. Any lesbians that live here are closeted, so it gets pretty lonely. Would love to meet other northern CA lesbians to spend time with – drop me a line if you are interested.

March 17, 2011 at 6:12 pm
(10) LR says:

I am a 48 yr old lesbian residing in the beautiful state of Kentucky. I am seeking a wonderful, fun and loving lesbian 50 or older. I am very mature and career oriented. I enjoy the outdoors, musems, traveling and sports. I do not know very many lesbians in my town. Please let me know if you are interested in a conversation and we can go from there.

June 22, 2013 at 5:51 pm
(11) laurieanne says:

Im 52 Ima night owl. a lonely nightowl. I’ve always been out of closet. Im average height & looks. I enjoy old sitcoms. and music from 1960s to 1980s. I believe in longterm friendships & soulmates. I have plenty of longterm friendships, but have never found my soulmate, still longing! Im not rich but all my needs are met. I live in california.

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