Same-Sex Couples Deal with Conflict Better than Straights

I’ve been in a relationship with a man and I could never express myself fully to him if I had a problem with him at all. I would always talk about my problems with my sister or girlfriends which drew a wedge in our relationship. Now that I’m with the woman of my dreams, there is a level a trust and openness that I have never expierenced with a man. Any problem we have we deal with it.So I would have to agree that same-sex couples do deal with conflict better straight couples.

Not only do my girlfriend and I deal with conflict immediately and respectfully, but we anticipate where we might disagree and discuss it beforehand. For instance, if we go to a lesbian dance, we set ground rules before we leave the house about who each other can dance with, how many times we can dance with someone else, etc… We also tell each other things like, “I need more attention from you” rather than hoping that the other will just intuit that.

I was married to a man for 20 years and was never able to get my ideas/opinions recognized. My needs/wants were not nearly as important as his and he could not deal with emotional issues. I am now married to the most wonderful woman and we talk about everything from the kids, our families, money worries, health, school, work, making love, jealousy, insecurities, the whole enchilada! I feel there is nothing we can’t face together.

I’ve found difficulty communicating and dealing with conflict with both genders…women are more aware of what women want, however the barrier of communication is there no matter the sex..maturity and understanding are difinitley a factor that needs to be in place. women suck at listening and understanding just as well as men…its up to the individual as to what they will deal with and as long as communication remains open and continuous, problem resolution should be better.

I’m totally with delightful2me on this subject. My girl and I talk about EVERYTHING. Our communication with each other is excellent, and we never fight, ever. We’ve been through so much together, and I truly feel there is nothing we can’t handle. If we have a problem, we discuss it and decide together what the best solution is, and we do it. Simple as that, because arguing gets you nowhere. If a compromise has to be made, just make it.
I do disagree with m.n. about women sucking at listening and understanding. That may be true of her experiences, but I find that if you can get a women to calm down long enough to listen, she’ll likely understand, unlike a lot of men who think their way is the only way.

I think it’s based on the individuals involved, not necessarily on sex. Sure, I understand what my girlfriend is going through when it’s “that time of the month” but when it comes to some issues, I think it’d be more easily if she were a man.

I agree with charlie that it depends on the people involved. I had a terible time communicating with my ex-boyfriend and can communicate rather easily with my current female partner (together 10 years), but I think I wanted to make more of an effort with this relationship.

Straight myself, but the gay/lesbian relationships within my family and social experience have been no better or worse than the hetero relationships. I see the same pitfalls of power struggles, stereotyping, domination.

I think it’s about the same. I’m a lesbian, but I have had boyfriends before. We still argue about the same thing, and have the same problems. Jealousy, Trust, Beliefs, all the same. Only problem with the current love? She likes both, so double the jealousy that can happen.
As for communication? If you think same sex couple communicate better… you should see how well my girlfriend ‘communicates’.
I think I have a better chance with my dog telling me how she feels then my love.
I will say though, we settle our arguements within an hour, instead of a week or so with my ex-boyfriends.

I think it’s the same for both- it just depends on the personalities of those within the couple.

I’m in my first relationship with a woman after having been married and dated men for the last 35 years! I can honestly say that our communication is better than any relationship I’ve ever been in! We talk about everything, we’re respectful, we listen, and we UNDERSTAND! We’ve both been in relationships where our significant other was closed off, defensive, or didn’t “fight fair”, so it’s a nice breath of fresh air! My 1st relationship with a woman is amazingly wonderful…We’re engaged and after 7 months, still extremely happy, passionate, loving, caring, and always there for each other! I couldn’t be happier!

I have been in relationships with both women and men, and what it really comes down to for me is the communication. I tend to surround myself with people who have the ability (or are striving for it) to hear something, I mean really hear it, and respond. I consider it my responsibility to do the same, and any gender can do this. I don’t yell all that often and I keep my ego out of it as much as possible. Where we’re coming from is different, of course, but I find this from person to person, for the most part. There are obvious biological differences (which of course flavours are way or relating) which will always be there, but they don’t really get in the way of conflict resolution for me.

I’ve only been in two serious relationships– one with a woman and one with a man– so I don’t think I’m necessarily qualified to judge this, because I haven’t been with a wide variety of different people. I really think it does depend on the person, as I totally buy that same-sex couples would probably deal with conflict better. I would say in my own relationships, I had better communication when I was with my boyfriend, but my girlfriend and I also had a lot more situational problems/difficulties to work through to begin with. Our communication problems had nothing to do with the fact that she’s a woman.

I have been in a relationship with a men and I am now in a relationship with my first woman. I would have to say as far as communication goes, it would just have to depend on the individual. I do understand why some lesbian relationships would be easier, because woman are for the most part different than men and should be able to understand each other better (but that’s not always the case).
In our relationship we have communication issues because we are very different people and we’re from very different cultures. Yet, those type of things is what make a relationship interesting, it can also cause a huge strain if not handled properly. I will say communication is not are best suit (a work in progress) the other things that go with being with a woman are great!
The bottom-line is everyone has issues whether it be in a straight or gay relationship. It’s the person you are with and how much they want to make it work is what matters! It’s whomever fits you best is what counts! -LMG-

Absolutely. I could not agree more. I spend way too much money sometimes, but my gf never makes me feel bad about it, and I actually want to be more circumspect the next time with my extra cash. In the past, I’ve had problems, but I’m a Libra (diplomatic, avoids confrontation.)Usually this ended with me going “mad black woman” on the guy I was with, who’d accuse me of changing or avoid me. My gf used to do this (she hates confrontation), but has tried really hard to make an effort to “fight” with me- or understand that I just need to let off steam. Being with her has made me realize how imperfect I am, and how amazing she is to put up with me. And that, IMO, is the hallmark of a good relationship:)

In my past I have dated men. Now that I am with women I feel more free. I can discuss what i want and be as open as I want with them. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my back. So i do believe that same-sex couples get the better end of the stick.

I would definitely have to agree that gay and lesbian couples handle conflict better than their straigth counterparts. Before meeting my girlfriend I was with a guy for just over 4 years, and we fought all the time. The communication between us was, in hindsight, severly lacking as he never wanted to discuss the problems we had. On the odd occassion we did, he would clam up when things got heated. During the time we were together I became so depressed and literally became a different person, because I was so unhappy and we couldn’t work it out. On top of this, his way of dealing with conflict was to hop into bed for make-up nookie, which compounded all the problems we had.

In comparison to my current relationship with my girlfriend, we have hardly had any fights at all. Even when we have had a disagreement, we will calm down and then talk about why we are feeling a certain way to work things out. We discusss things so much better and neither of us ‘clams up’. I know it’s cliche that lesbians talk all the time, but it’s true and it works! Our straight friends can’t believe how well we get along and hardly have arguments like they do.

My wife and I have been together for seven and 1/2 yrs and married for two yrs. I will have to agree that it depends on the individuals maturity level and also life experience. She picks anything I say apart. I believe that some things stem from childhood experiences and previous relationships by not being allowed to be heard.

I wish..no I believe that same sex couples can communicate better that straight couples. However, I haven’t being that lucky. My first partner just refused to improve our relationship or her life in general. So, we just fell out of love. My second partner, who is still my legal domestic partner, just gave up on us and on herself. She broke my heart, got hooked into drugs and while trying to help her she cheated with a janitor that she met in rehab. That man had just came out of jail and is also a drug addict. At the beggining we had a great relationship and spoke about everything. That’s why we lasted seven year. I REALLY went to the extreme to keep my relationship going. I’ve being willing to forget and forgive, but she’s still in la-la land with that man. We got separated two years ago, and I’m still haven’t being able to recover from the whole experience. I never disrespected her in any way. Some close friend heve told me that I tried too hard. But, isn’t that what you suppost to do for the one that you love? Many years ago I tried to have a decent relationship a couple of guys. But, I really didn’t feel the emotional bond that I felt with my ex..Bottom line, I believe in same sex partners bonding more thatn straight couples.

Definately! Been married twice and now in lesbian relationship. Two years with no fights. We discuss any differences of opinion and keep the discussions short and caring.

I was married to a man for 4.5 years and had a horrible relationship – he was abusive in nearly every sense of the word, and it took me meeting the woman who is now the love of my life for me to get the strength to get out. I couldn’t share my feelings about anything with him, and I felt trapped – there was no such thing as partnership there. Now, I have the relationship I always wanted. We can talk about anything – emotions, sex, whatever, and not worry about whether or not she’s going to explode in a rage. Sure, we still get angry and have our arguments (who doesn’t?) but we both tend to cool off faster and actually end up wanting to end the fight rather than just letting it end on its own when we’re too tired to argue anymore. We do have a tendency to break the frustration with humor, and we can honestly share and understand each other than either of us could when we were married to men.

It’s a world of difference for us both.

having been in a relationship with a man for 12years, the marriage was good but i could never truly be myself, im now in a ff relationship whereby we speak openely, discuss things intimitely and thoroughly, and in 2 years weve never had an argument yet and weve been through lots of difficult times financially and emotionally (none of them our fault)…i think that because its a same sex couple you have more of a common ground, just my tuppence worth