Scared to Come Out
Sunday July 6, 2008
From the Lesbian Life Forum:
I want to come out. I want to be out. But, I'm scared. I don't want to be hated or disliked... especially by the family. But not a day goes by I think of ways to be out.I have a Facebook and you can put "Interested In:______". You can put women or men. I have wanted to put women there but I'm so scared that all my friends and roommates for college next year will be mad! But, yet, I want them to know.
Join the discussion: Does anyone have advice on ways to come out?
Coming Out Advice:
- Should you come out?
- I've come out, but no one believes I'm a lesbian
- How to Come Out to Your Friends
Comments
I am 69 years old. I knew I was a lesbian at the age of 12. I stayed in the closet till I was about 40. Now what do you suppose that “hidding” did for me. Made me afraid to be myself, that’s what. Life is a risk;but it is also over in no time. I am a cancer survivor and I am sure the question is not so much Why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am. Do the hard job of being yourself and the people who love and support you will come. Take care, Carol
…P.S. If you think you can get through life without being hated or disliked, or displeasing others, think again. Lesbian or not, becoming the person YOU want to be will take great courage but it will be worth it. Get support, today there is lots of it available to you. Go for it! Carol
well every1 always thought i was a lesbian but i denied it so suddenly 1 day i came out and it was a suprise to every 1 but i didnt care b/c u have to live your own life and forget what people say or think about you b/c people gonna talk and say whatever they want
Find a support group in your area to help with the process. Maybe there you can find a mentor. I don’t know your life situation but I do know it is hard to just come out and have people in your life freaking out all around you. You know what? They may not even freak out. They may already know–like my family. There are many possibilities but in all situations, you have to be able to deal with whatever happens. You will have to be strong. Get some support.
The most happiest people in the world are people who are a bit selfish,which means dont think of what other people think its your life and think long term how your going to feel if years pass by and you have stayed in the closet,if friends dont accept then the are not very good friends after all.with parents a good thing is start by saying to your mam or dad before telling them,what do you think of me etc do you love me? your dad may say something like.. I love you very much your the apple of my eyes…
I came out when I was 29 after marrage and children and before I came out I suffered depression (I couldnt cope being with a man and married and thinking of women so broke free) and was on varius medications and seeing shrinks,im 33 now,now I dont need meds or shrinks and my parents and my children have noticed im a happier person and they are happy also and because of that ive also done better in my life in other areas such as education and so on.
I also hid who I was growing up, knowing I was attacted to girls. My mother made rude remarks all the time about me but was happy I had married an abusive man the first time and the second time. (see where this is going) I have a child from the first marriage. I continued to hide until my son was 18 by that time I had been in a relationship for 10 years with a woman. When I did come out, come out and say “Yes, I am in love with a woman”, I felt a weight off my shoulders.
My mother never wants to see me again, it hurts but it is her choice. My dad, loves me just as I am, I am his daughter. My brothers 1 denies I exist and 3 are mixed feelings. We make our choices, then we live with them. If they turn their backs on you, it is truely their loss. I guess that is why “we” the gay/lesbian community are called “family”. “We” are here for our “family”. Live well, happy and never hid from yourself.
I still have’nt came out, im 24 and so afraid of comin out. Its somethin i have always tried to put to the back of my mind and try so hard to ignore but it doesnt work, its all i can think about. I think about coming out all the time but never seem to find the courage to do it. I have even went through the stage of thinking im not really a lesbian but i think thats just me looking for an easy way out of such a confussing time in my life. I do pray that someday i will finally find the strenght and courage to be me.