Knight in Shining Armor?
Wednesday July 23, 2008
From the Lesbian Life Forum:
Common disagreement among my female friends...should the Knight in shining armor role retire? I'm old fashioned, I open doors for other women, I pay for meals unless it makes them uncomfortable, and then I ask if I can pay for coffee or whatever afterwards, I also try to listen and be attentive to a woman's needs, like if she says she's having a bad day, I'll cancel dinner out and bring it over to her house to just relax or if she sees something in the window to surprise her with it. I'll defend her if necessary.What do you think? Give your opinion in the Lesbian Life Forum.Well according to my friends this make me not only a softie, but someone of my grandfather's generation... The thing is, this is just who I am, I mean I respect a woman's need to be an individual and do things for herself, but I also feel that doing things like opening doors and pulling out her seat are also signs of my respect for her. I've always been for lack of a better term "a perfect gentleman" when out with a woman, but my friends think that it can be off-putting to women of today, and to their credit, I DO feel uncomfortable when men open doors for me or offer to pay for lunch when I'm at my office. Is this role outdated?
Don’t listen to your friends. LOL. Seriously, I firmly believe courtesy, in any form, is never outmoded. The phrase “common courtesy” has become almost an oxymoron, in that courtesies are not as common as they once were. I hope you continue to be a “gentleman”, as there is not enough politeness in this modern world.
I think many people are more comfortable with men doing the things you describe more so than women because it is expected of men. Simply put, it’s gender role stereotyping.
I would think the best way to go would be to watch the reaction of the woman you’re with. If she reacts in some way to your “gentlewomanly” behavior that gives you the impression she is uncomfortable with it, then don’t go there. Otherwise, go for it. I would think most women would love it.
Ummm….can I date you? Seriously, I think that’s great. There is nothing wrong with be polite and kind. I think it’s endearing when a woman goes out of her way to take care of her date. So really, can I date you?
I just want you to know that your friends are wrong! It can never be a bad thing to be courteous. If I were dating you the actions you describe would make me feel special and flattered. I hope you find someone who appreciates your attentiveness. Just because you are considered old fashioned does not mean that you’re the one who has got it wrong. A newer way of doing things is not always the better way in my opinion. Don’t lose what makes you the kind of date/girlfriend any woman would be lucky to have!
Thank you for making me feel like I’m not being a softie
I say absolutely don’t listen to your friends. I feel the same and just need to be me. I treat my date as I do my friends, with kindness and respect.
Whatever floats your boat. I think that’s somewhat sweet.
I personally am not much of a gentlewoman and often, I feel choked when the woman I’m dating is too attentive of me or my needs. But that’s me. I guess I want somebody as carefree and seemingly independent in most aspects like I am.
I treat women I’m dating the exact same way you do; I also allow them to treat me that way. I think it’s just courtesy…and I think a little old fashioned courtesy is a great thing in the violent, abusive, war-mongering world in which we live. You go, Girl!!
That kind of behavior is my favorite part of being with my partner- she makes me feel beautiful & cared for this way- good manners are always in style.
I agree with the original post
I think it depends. Are you willing to accept the same treatment of you? What I mean is – Do you always have to be the one opening doors and paying for everything; or would you welcome and appreciate the same consideration of you from a partner, or from a stranger for that matter? I think that ‘chivalrous’ behavior can be considerate and respectful if it is equally carried out by both partners. Otherwise, I think it is just imitating sexist gender roles and perpetuating heterosexism.