Emotional Affairs

I have had a number of these during my 18 year relationship. I always feel back but I need them. As long as nothing physical happens, my wife is cool with it, at least that is what she says.

My partner had an emotional affair(although it was a game on the other woman’s part) and it almost destroyed not only our relationship, but me as well. If you are in a commited relationship, you have NO right to give someone else what belongs to your partner. It is emotional adultry. If you love someone and you are an ADULT, you should not have any trouble being faithfull, both physically and emotionally.

I just went through this this summer. My partner of 12 years did this with a newly divorced woman 12 years younger than her. She left me for her 5 months ago…I’m waiting for it to fall apart on them…it will. Heartbreaking to say the least.

I agree with the “emotional adultery” comment. I went through this over 5 years ago with my best friend. We’d been friends a couple years, and were both in long-term relationships. We started night-school classes together and similar occupational interests brought us to spend a LOT more time together. She and her partner stayed with my partner and me as frequently as 3-4 times a week (& sometimes even weeks at a time), thus our bond also strengthened. It usually was the 4 of us, but at some point that changed and we were spending more time together alone.

I don’t care what anyone says about physical intimacy as far as the strength of a bond between two people, the EMOTIONAL bond… at least on the level that my BF and I shared…was MUCH stronger and unlike ANY physical relationship I have ever had! Though we never actually had sex, we were just as much in love as two people could ever possibly be…my partner and I still included! So I think the comment made about “as long as nothing physical happens” is just a lie some of us tell ourselves…or our partners. My partner found out, and put an end to it–but if I’d thought for a second my BF would have left her partner we’d be together today. The irony is they split shortly after I broke things off, and she never even knew anything had happened.

In the end, my partner was crushed…as was my BF, and myself. I didn’t have the emotional strength to “fight” the way I should have at the time because of the pressure put on me by my partner to end it. I guess she “won” and “lost” me at the same time. While my parner and I are still together, we are not close, and things will never be the same. My partner definitely still feels betrayed, and feels my former BF is still a threat, even though we stopped being best friends, went over 5 yrs without speaking until very recently, and she has a VERY solid relationship now with someone else.

So…My point of view is this: If you and your partner are truly strong in your commitment, and your relationship is truly solid, there should be no reason to NEED a stronger emotional bond with anyone else. Everyone needs friends, yes…but there is an EMOTIONAL point when friends become more, regardless whether anything ever goes beyond into the physical. If you’re feeling you “need” someone else…leave now. Save all of you the pain that will come from betrayal because regardless whether you stay or not, in the end everyone pays and you’ll probably only find yourself miserable.