Christian & Lesbian

QC, your story tugs at my heart. God loves all of us. Period!
There are a lot of ways to find gay friendly churches. Presbyterians have a “More Light” designation that they use to indicate that they are LGBT friendly. Look for Universalist Unitarian or United Church of Christ churches, too. They are usually quite open. Even churches that don’t use a specific designation may be LGBT friendly. Look up the websites of local churches and do some reading. Even if they don’t say something right out, you may be able to read between the lines. If you are up to it, you can also just call the pastors. Most pastors do some type of faith based counseling anyway. Finding a welcoming church with a pastor with a good ear might be a help. God Bless you, know that you are loved.

Wow! I totally can relate to your story. I’ve tried some of those churches but I have one for you that is a GLBT focused and has helped me a great deal. Go to http://www.jesus.com and you can find a MCC near you as well as many resources to help you with you questions. Wish you well!!!

QC,
Save yourself a LOT of heartache and confusion. Be true to who you are now. Don’t live your entire life trying to be someone you are not. I am now 58 years old and I started out the same as you are now when I was 17. I’ve learned a LOT! Your parents will learn to love and accept you…eventually. It is a shock to them at first and their ignorance will soon fade because in the end, you are still the daughter they have always loved. God made you and loves you and now you must give your parents the time for them to realize that they still love you. Above all, YOU MUST accept who you are. I remember dating and kissing men and feeling like I was ill afterwards. Don’t put yourself through that. No parent or religion is worth denying who you are. Both will come around in time, but you cannot change who you are. Hang in there, it WILL get better!

QC
I have been in a relationship for 10 years and had the same problem dealing with that and God,we split up for a year and both went into depression, we talked about it and read the Word and I have come to the reality the Christ Jesus died for my sins past present and future, God is my Father and will discipline me as His child, I may loose some rewards when I get to Heaven but He assured me a place there and if you believe the Word of God you will come to relize that He will never leave you or forsake you or lie to you, ever

Yes, the bible may be an old text, but that doesn’t discount it’s credibility and authenticity. The prophecies in the bible show it is divinely inspired by God for understanding all things related to sexuality and life. I want to follow the one true God and seek out his best for me not on my terms but on his. We all need to turn to Jesus for hope and healing.

I can kind of relate because my parents are catholics but luckily for me i don’t believe in any religion or “GOD”. My dad talked his madness to me and my mom cried “what did I do” on an everyday basis. I just got sick of how my parents made me feel. i thought they were crazy, its like wow they praise this book and yet treat me like shit, FUCK THAT… i was 19, and i told my parents to stop or else they’ll never see me again… My mom stopped but my dad continued to be an asshole.. so i moved out. it took my dad a year to finally talk to me and trust me it was worth the struggle to move out. Being 19 with 2 crappy jobs and high rent in southern California, isn’t the easiest thing but worth it.. Now its all good, my parents accept me for me and they know i wont tolerate any rude comments or else i wont come around their house.. Be confident believe in yourself, don’t take any bull shit from anyone.. be strong good luck.

Hey there,

Religion is a complex thing that I think people have a little understand of, but I know you being raised in it will know what I mean when I say, “It’s very hard to just ditch the belief system you were raised in, or to switch religions. It’s not an easy thing. I was raised Catholic and love my faith so much! I’ve taken many classes on religion all with an open heart and have come to find that religion is a repsectful belief system.
I struggled with coming to terms with my religion very quickly because it just seemed clear to me that God will love me because I am a good person who just happens to love women. BUT it is our job as citizens to repsect the fact that religions cannot change for the times because they truly believe God has written, through his followeers, his word. So i dont want churches to change their writings but to treat us as equals.

Good luck honey!

From That Girl Next Door,
Alice Bradlie

I cannot tell from your letter if you are still in high school or not. I can say that this is probably one of the most confusing and emotional times of your life and it is soooooo normal to feel the way you do. If you have felt an attraction to women as far back as you remember, then I would say you were born the way you are (gay). So very many of us have tried to do the “right” thing, date guys. I can tell you that it is unfair to everyone involved… your family, the person you are dating, and yourself. Everyone I have known who tried the “normal” path, got married and even had children, would eventually self destruct. It then gets very messy.

Ask yourself this, if your parents were gone tomorrow, would you go on your whole life searching for their approval? That is a very long time to live your life for someone else. You have to be happy with you… end story. I know it is easy for many of us to say that and not be in your shoes, but we have lived your struggles ourselves and can honestly say that in the end, you have to be true to yourself or life becomes one big lie. You lie at work, you lie to your family, you lie to yourself… a sad and lonely life. It takes time to figure out who you are… straight or gay. You will meet and date people along the way and if God is smiling on you, you will meet the person who will change your life. You will meet the one who you will know if the seat of your soul you are going to grow old with. If you should meet that person, you will be surprised how little other people’s opinions matter because you will know you are blessed and everything will fall into place.

My care and thoughts are with you in your journey. Remember that there is a big sisterhood out here and a big world waiting to be explored. Fortune favors the bold!

Hi all.I am a bolg-virgin so bear with me folks.
I have alot to say in response to this question but for now I will only add to all who said YOU ARE ALONE….I am and have been since 1982…a born again Christian…and the thouhgt of se with a man still makes me sick..even after having been with several and even engaged to one! I broke it off 7 days before the wedding and I am currently single and ‘closeted’and struggling with my feelings becasue my entrie WORLD revolves around my exterior ‘lifestyle’…it sucks to feel so trapped …so confused and afraid of angering not only loved ones whose opinion you value but The God. Regardless of what we feel and go through, HE is real, I’ve seen enough evidence of THAT, but we need to come together as fellow srugglers in this plight and find a way to win both ways…there must be a way! IF it is ok, ask if you can write to me…if that’s ok…meanwhile, keep strong ok? Bye.

Dear QC:

I feel for you. I am a teacher and a mom. Here are my thoughts…shame is a very corrosive feeling. After internalizing so much pain and trying to live as others would have me live, I finally decided in my forties that I would refuse to feel shame. I eventually felt so alienated because my church would encourage me to walk that path of shame rather than be myself that I now find it very difficult to feel God at all.
So perhaps in my case being truer to myself would have saved my relationship with God.

But for now I can only move forward. As a mom I feel that accepting myself and coming out to my kids has been a gift to them as well. The message I am relaying to them is that they do not have to be as I am, but they do get to be and need to be whoever it is that they are. And by the way, my kids are believers.

As a teacher I see how much pressure our culture places on kids to conform, and how that closes their minds and hearts. It is good that you have been able to identify that feeling of shame. Now perhaps you can reflect on that and what it does to you. Ask yourself what situations that very corrosive feeling is warranted for. I think you will decide that shame should be reserved for very different situations. Such as when people are cruel, hurtful or dangerous.

Good luck. I hold high hopes that you will find yourself, and find someone that you like within yourself…and that you will find that someone is worth sharing..I hope that those around you will find a way to be ready for you. I wish for your family – that they might use this as an opportunity to reflect on their beliefs and decide what interpretations might really be most consistent with their chosen Savior.

Godspeed,

Ana

Dear QC –

Your plight is a poignant one, shared by far too many gays and lesbians. If you were brought up to believe in a judgmental God and a system of rules laid down many centuries ago, in a social context way different from ours, it takes a major leap of faith to leave those teachings behind and just accept that you are made by God and loved by God. Deepening your relationship with God is your best way to climb out of the pit you may feel you’re in. This can be done through prayer, meditation, reading the Gospels (where Jesus’s love and teachings come through), and finding other Christian lesbians to confide in and share your concerns with. Reading books by others who have gone through what you’re experiencing can also help.

An organization called SoulForce (www.soulforce.org) has been a great support for many Christian gays and lesbians. SoulForce, using the nonviolent resistance methods of Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., attempts to address conservative churches and colleges with the message that God loves all people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. You may find encouragement by contacting this organizataion, because some of their members are young people like you who have had to come to terms with who they are in their relationship with God. Through SoulForce, these young people have visited Christian colleges on Equality Rides, to try to open dialog and doors for gays and lesbians on those campuses. SoulForce also has helpful publications available, such as “What the Bible Says–and Doesn’t Say–About Homosexuality,” that can give you encouragement and may help enlighten some of your friends and family members.

There are also more churches than you might imagine where gays and lesbians are welcome; other people who have left comments here have mentioned some–the Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC), United Church of Christ, Unitarian Universalists, and individual congregations among many mainline denominations. There are also a lot of small independent churches whose members are mostly gay and/or lesbian; some belong to an international organization called the Alliance of Christian Churches.

I was brought up in a Christian (but not rigid) family where the accent was on love, so I didn’t have to struggle with not being accepted by those I was close to. But I did get the message at church that being gay was not part of God’s design for people, and it was only because I already felt God’s love for me that, when I came out as lesbian, doubts about that love never arose. And it is that false message, delivered from pulpits everywhere, that I–and the people involved with SoulForce–want to change.

May God bless and comfort you, as you struggle with the conflict between the lies you have learned and the truth of God’s love.

Eunice

Hi QC!

While I cannot say I’ve been through what you are experiencing, I stood by my partner when she did with her family about 6 years ago. So my advice comes from that.

It is so important for you to work out who you are… And to be honest with everyone you love about it. Now, I don’t mean shouting it from the rooftops but to simply be truthful. Even if people don’t like the fact you are gay, they will respect you for being honest and acting in a respectful manner yourself. It’s good that your mum is at least asking questions – even if you don’t know the answer just tell her what you feel. Keeping the avenues open for dialogue is also important.

It’s going to be painful and you know that already… but you will have to go through this pain to rebuild yourself. Let your father deal with it in his own time but still try to make the effort to reconnect with him. your relationship may not be the same again, and you have to be prepared for that, but it may also become even better as you are no longer hiding your true self.

Coming out to your parents is so hard, and congratulations on realising yourself that you cannot live a lie. Society has changed a lot in the past decade or so, and hopefully it will continue to change in the next couple so that people will no longer have to experience such turmoil in simply being who they are.

Please persist in discovering the truth about yourself. And never doubt God’s love for you. While I myself have drifted from my home church, I have discovered new things about the Bible and what it has to say. Do lots of reading and research as much as you can. It will help. And Soulforce is a great place to start.

I wish you all the best QC and our thoughts are with you all the way from Australia!!!

I can definitely relate to you, I fight the things I feel inside everyday and I am ashamed of myself for being what I am. But only one thing is for sure god loves all of us!

thank you all.. this has help me more the you can ever know.