1. People & Relationships
Send to a Friend via Email

Discuss in my forum

Bisexual PictureBisexuality seems to be the misunderstood sexual orientation. Lesbians in particular are often prejudiced against bisexual women. Like most prejudice, bi-phobia stems from ignorance. This bisexuality primer is meant to dispel some of the myths about bisexuals and educate the community about the "B" in LGBT.

All About Bisexuals

© sxc.hu
April 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm
(1) M says:

Call me ignorant but personally Bi-phobia doesn’t stem from ignorance but from experience. This doesn’t mean i wont be friends with Bi sexual or even good friends but I will never date(long term) a Bi again because of all the “myths” stated above. Im not saying that lesbians are any safer when it comes to leaving one for another, but why stack even more cards against the chance of the relationship not working.

I do however believe that a lot of Bi’s are the one of most supportive groups and open people when it comes to gay rights. Im am not prejudice against them at all i just wont date one.

Call me ignorant or call me bitter, but this a personal choice that has taking me a long time to decide.

April 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm
(2) Lola says:

Thank you for bringing this issue to the forefont! I am a bisexual woman who wasn’t accepted into the GLBT community until I was in a relationship with another woman, even though I’m obviously a HUGE supporter of the community. I have had people be openly rude and hostile towards me, as though I were a disease or some whore looking to only screw around. Thank you for bringing this into the LESBIAN Life Blog and helping Bisexuals feel as though they belong.

April 2, 2009 at 3:57 pm
(3) Mizz M says:

“I’m not prejudiced at all just won’t date one”. Change bi to black, and would you still say you aren’t prejudiced? Would you not date a black person either b/c you had a bad experience with one? Do you have any idea how that sounds? I’m sorry for whatever happened to you, but just b/c one person is like that doesn’t mean a whole group is. Whether you want to admit it or not, yes, you are prejudiced.

April 2, 2009 at 4:35 pm
(4) Katie says:

Personally, also from experience, A LOT of bisexual women swing one way or another. And, again, though most of them say they’re bisexual, they’ve never had experience with the same sex.

Personally, I also wouldn’t date a bisexual person unless they liked girls a lot more. If I got dumped for a guy, I’d feel like they were leaving me because they wanted something I couldn’t give them sexually. That would really upset me, even if they denied it. (People lie.)

Plus, I have more in common with a woman who only likes women rather than a woman who also likes guys. While I’m at the movies looking at all the hot girls, I couldn’t connect with a woman who’s checking out the guys as well. Just not my thing.

April 2, 2009 at 5:10 pm
(5) leece says:

its a real shame that people jude others all the time because of who they are or what they are.
straights jude lesbians and lesbians seam to judge Bi Trans and so on.
i hope one day this may all change.

April 2, 2009 at 5:31 pm
(6) Servus says:

It’s completely fine to be bi. Here’s where people get hurt though: when “bi’s” say they NEED both, & can’t be with just one….sorry, that’s bullshit. If you find both sexes attractive, and could be with a man or a womyn that’s fabulous! But the key word here is OR. Make up your mind when it comes to a RELATIONSHIP. Just because you’re with a womyn doesn’t make you a lesbian, or if you’re with a man it doesn’t mean you’re straight….you can be with EITHER and consider yourself bi, but if you’re with BOTH at the same time….sorry honey, but that just makes you a cheater.

April 2, 2009 at 5:48 pm
(7) servussexus says:

It’s completely fine to be “bi”. But here’s where ppl get hurt: When a bi says they NEED both, & can’t be with just one. People really need to make up their minds when it comes to RELATIONSHIPS. If you find both sexes attractive that’s fabulous! Being with a womyn doesn’t make you a lesbian, & being with a man doesn’t make you straight. You can be with a man or a womyn, & still consider yourself bi. The key word here is OR. If you’re just having a great time “messing around” with everyone you’re attracted to, fine. But when you get ready to get in a relationship you should choose. Being with both man & womyn at the same time doesn’t make you bi….it just makes you a cheater.

April 2, 2009 at 6:42 pm
(8) Amy says:

I don’t have anything personally against bi people but I will certainly never ever date one again. 4 heart breaks in a row involving my girlfriends stepping out on me with men has taught me a valuable lesson. Some people have good reasons to be wary…..

April 3, 2009 at 9:26 am
(9) M says:

Bravo Mizz M for playing the race card, you have no idea who i am, who i date or even what my ethnicity is.
Personally i really dont think you can compare race to sexuality. I dont care if your white, black, purple or all the colours of the rainbow, but if your bi i will always proceed with extreme caution. I have more bi friends then not, i dont judge them, i dont push them in the closet or force them out, but like poster servussexus says “But when you get ready to get in a relationship you should choose.”

To all the bi sexual and trans women who have been treated unfairly by the community or have had hostility thrust upon them I am sorry, but please know not all of us are like that. No one deserves to be treated badly, we are all human for F*** sakes, no matter what.

April 3, 2009 at 1:51 pm
(10) bi bi baby.. says:

i fall in love with a person that i have chemistry with .. not a penis or a vagina.. and the fact that i dont judge a lover for what they have between there legs has broadened my sexual horizens.. my first girl friend was at age 14.. i am now 37.. this article comes as a surprise to me.. i never knew, or have experienced such hate or discrimination.. i am half black woman.. so i guess its like tripple minority.. i have been cheated on by every man, except one that i have ever been with in my life.. and 2 seperate very butch lesbian women also shattered my heart by cheating on me.. people cheat.. not just bi. i can honestly say, i have never cheated on a lover.. ever..

April 3, 2009 at 2:07 pm
(11) bi bi baby.. says:

I would never date a man or a woman that displays hate for anyone based on there spiritual beliefs, sexuality, race etc.. there is someone for everyone.. u just have to find the right person.. i can see myself with a woman or a man forever.. the trick is to find that person that will love me unconditionally, and THAT is the person i am most inclined to be with. and yes, monogamously..

April 3, 2009 at 5:28 pm
(12) servussexus says:

Apparently,”bi bi baby”, you’ve misconstrued “Sexual Preference” with “hate/discrimination”. And if you’ve never known or “experienced such hate or discrimination” as what you THINK you’ve found in this blog, then you’ve never known Any. I’ve been called horrible things, had things thrown at me, been terrorized by other vehicles while driving & even kicked out of my house & made to move, all because of who I Love. That, my dear, is Hate/Discrimination. What you’ve stumbled upon here is people discussing their “Sexual Preferences” & in a straight forward, yet civilized manner….Not a Bi bash fest. Not every lesbian or gay out there wants to date a bi (mostly because of a past hurtful experience) & people can’t be blamed for that. But if someone tells you “sorry I don’t date bi’s”….that’s NOT the same as saying “I hate you! Die, bi, die!” So, please don’t take things so personally & learn to accept that people have “Preferences”. And that’s NOT the same as discrimination.

April 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm
(13) Storm says:

The Problem or the stereo types, and even the negative energy that we receive is when the Real Bi Woman Does Not Stand Up….

Where the problem lies… because somewhere in this crazy world some women decided to call themselves Bi because Agelina Jolie made it look sexy…. cause trois I & II made it look fun… cause they have this thought that to some men the shit sounds sexy… cause they have this misconception that it’s like wearing Dolce & Gabana… you put in on and take it off when it suits you.

First make sure any label that you place upon yourself you can represent it 100%…. you can live up to it 100% you are not afraid to be it anywhere, any place, any time 100%…. and if you are still trying to come to grips with this new feeling thats fine…. but until you are 100% then don’t put yourself on the walkway yet… cause like a designer if your line is not complete and you are not ready for sale, don’t offer my anything to buy.

“Will the Real BI chicks stand up!!!!!!…” This is the question…. and no being bi is not about going to parties… if you are a swinger then thats what you are…. in my personal opinion because you are swinger does not automatically make you bi (if that was the case the men would be having this same discussion) being a swinger means you want your sex life intensified… now for some that does not mean you are not Bi…. cause there are some women who are truly Bi and are swingers…. going to an all girl party does that make you bi… again… it means you love women and enjoy more intense, exciting sex…..

Being Bi as defined: Bisexual people have the capacity to love (love being the key word here) people of either gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction to and/or relationships with men and women. Over time in life, a bisexual person might feel equally attracted to men and women or to one gender in preference to the other. The strength of these attractions may change over time. Being bisexual does not define either one’s lifestyle or sexual behavior. Bisexual people may be monogamous or abstinent or may have multiple sexual partners, just like heterosexual and lesbian and gay people. Many people are bisexual and bisexuality cuts across distinctions of race/ethnicity, gender, age, class, ability, and religious affiliation.

So clarifying what it means to be Bi… PEOPLE…LADIES…. being bi is not about sex with another female… its that ability to love, care, fall in love, with some one of the same and opposite sex… it does not matter if you have sex all alone with your toys a plenty… if you attend a swingers or a all girl event…. or if you watch the L word ( for those who thought that made them bi)….

Before you accept a label…before you brand yourself, before you declare to the world that you are Bi… Be ready to be Bi anywhere, anyplace, anytime…. Because some of us really do fight for the right to love the same sex… some of us truly are in love with another woman… and some of us have taken a stand to be able to live, love and marry the same sex.


April 3, 2009 at 7:02 pm
(14) bi bi baby says:

thanks servuss..
i am well aware of what i have “stumbled upon”, because i have a subscription to this site.. i was merely expressing my shock that there are such people discriminating against bi sexuals…
and then my experience.
i am sorry that u have suffered some of this Hate/discrimination.. it blows my mind..
i think i have a pretty healthy outlook on life.. and i am simply speaking for myself..
and i think thats ok.
i dont think what i wrote is coming from a warped perspective..
its simply my experience..
and my opinion.. so YOU.. please.. dont take it so personally.

April 4, 2009 at 10:31 pm
(15) Jozie Jozie says:

This article was forwarded to me as part of a daily digest for a LGBT group belong to.
I am a Bi woman and as I read this article I felt a knot tightening in my stomach as I read all the comments.

I do believe in freedom of expression, a person’s right to choose, and a person’s right to their own opinion so I read every comment with an open mind.

I was saddened to hear of some of the experiences people endured because of their sexual orientation and felt the need to share my story in hopes of shedding some light on what it means to be Bi…at least from my point of view.

My story:
From age 12 I was very attracted to boys and proceeded to date quite a few. I realized I was attracted to the female body around age 15. But being in a very religious Caribbean household where open sexuality and being gay was taboo being Bi was something I knew nothing about so it was something I ignored and continued to date boys.

By age 20 I realized that ignoring my attraction for girls didn’t make it go away. I was now living in the US and exposed to information and people who spoke freely of Bi-sexuality so I finally came to understand what I was feeling all those years.

By age 21 I felt the need to let the men I date know that I am also attracted to women as a means of being completely honest about who I really am. Some were confused and wondered if I would one day need to be with a woman. Some refused to continue dating me because they believed I should choose to like men or choose to like women. While others were excited by the news and assumed we could then have 3-somes. The father of my children (the first person I told I was Bi) threatened to take my children away if I ever spoke of being Bi sexual again so I never did. We have since ended out relationship (for reasons other than my sexuality)and I am happy to say my children are with me. FYI:- I did not choose to be attracted to women. This is how I was born. There is no switch to flip to make it go away.

By age 25 I dated 2 women who were also Bi and got my heart broken when one of them moved away. During those relationships I never felt the need to cheat because I believe in monogamy and karma so I treat people the way I would want to be treated. I rather end a relationship than cheat.I also believe that I am attracted to the person that captures my heart it just so happens that that person could be male or female.

By age 30 I dated 3 guys. Each relationship ended because I am a very driven person, I work hard, play hard, and believe in striving for excellence and none of these men were compatible for a long term relationship since being with them stifled my productivity and growth.

What I seek in a man is the same thing I seek in a woman. Someone who is driven, is independent, has a plan for the future, has good moral values, someone who can have intelligent conversation but still be silly and have fun. Someone who understands the need to work hard and play hard to have a balanced life. Someone who loves kids, dogs and is dedicated to being the best they can be.

I am now 34, single and hoping that the universe will send me my soul-mate but until then I enjoy the company of my friends, my family, my dogs. School and work keep me busy these days so I have less time to dwell on my last failed relationship which ended 6 mos ago.

I have often said that I may end up alone because I don’t know if there is anyone out there who can live up to my expectations. My mother says I should expect nothing so that I can be pleasantly surprised. I tried her suggestion for my last relationship and in the end opted out because I know what I want and anything less just won’t do.

So here I am. Love me, hate me its up to you. But when all is said and done this is who I am and its way too hard to pretend to be something I’m not just to make others happy at the expense of my own happiness.

I’m in no rush. My heart is open and for now I wait.

Good luck everyone!

April 5, 2009 at 4:49 am
(16) Julia says:

Ladies, ladies, ladies … why can’t we all just get along? When love happens, you have no choice. If all humans would treat each other with dignity, then mayhaps labels, bigotry, and sadness would vanish from Earth?

April 6, 2009 at 5:46 pm
(17) servussexus says:

Touche, bi bi baby. I don’t try to take things personally, only to come to understandings. Does anyone think that maybe region has to do with the difference in bi’s, lesbians…etc, that we encounter? Honestly speaking on where I live, a lot of bi’s give themselves a bad image. Most that I’ve encountered claim to have to have both a womyn and a man, or the ones I know that were in a relationship w/a womyn ended up cheating on them w/a man. Now, it’s come to my attention that most of them (in my area) are really confused & are constantly being pulled between both genders, or some sort of moral dilemma. I live in the bible belt of the south, so there’s always some kind of “drama” going on with the church. I have a bi friend who has been in an “on/off” relationship with a lesbian friend of mine. The bi girl is just fine when she’s with the lesbian until she hears the 1st comment about being an “abomination”. She totally lets it get to her, goes off & cheats w/a man & then leaves her gf…all the while saying she’s afraid of going to hell. She stays w/a guy for a few months & then it starts all over again. A lot of the bi’s in my area have that problem it seems. And, of course, the men are usually fine with a bi womyn(in hopes of a 3some). I’ve been there before. I was just wondering if any of you have ever noticed a majority of a certain type of bi where you live? I mean after all, where a person comes from can sometimes have a lot to do with how they are. I don’t like to stereotype & do my best not to. I know that there are different types of LGBT’s, but I often wonder why some places have more of a “getting along” problem than others.

April 6, 2009 at 7:37 pm
(18) Prejudice out of the closet says:

I am completely aware of my prejudice of bisexuals. I do not understand it but they are welcome to live however they choose. I will not date one as I would not date a black person due to this prejudice. Mizz M has is just right I believe.

April 6, 2009 at 7:37 pm
(19) Prejudice out of the closet says:

I am completely aware of my prejudice of bisexuals. I do not understand it but they are welcome to live however they choose. I will not date one as I would not date a black person due to this prejudice. Mizz M has it just right I believe.

April 7, 2009 at 11:52 am
(20) JustJoy7 says:

I have nothing at all against being bi. I personally don’t deal with it because bi women have sex with men and because lesbian sex is purported to be the safest, I have problems with even the thought of following a man’s sexual interaction with a woman. It’s just too much exposure as men, for the most part, tend to be more promiscuious and you don’t know whats been in the vjj.

If I were open to bi women, it would be on a casual sex basis and not to form a relationship. Risk too great.

April 7, 2009 at 11:50 pm
(21) felicity says:

Never To Old To Learn
Thanks for the insight on this subject. I have always said that to be Bi is like sitting on the fence, not making a decision either way.But a point was made about having to come out [again] at the begining of each relationship,and it really struck home.I had not thought about this aspect of it. I suppose like many people I saw Bi-sexuality
as a form of promiscuity. I had not really thought of Bi’s being in long term relationships. This is not the first time that items published in Lesbian Life has help to dispel my ignorance and help me grow as a person.

April 9, 2009 at 2:08 am
(22) bi bi baby says:

.. i hated to actually label my self as bi.. but.. for years i have been saying..


bi is easier on the ears..

April 18, 2009 at 3:38 pm
(23) bi and proud says:

To those of you who choose to treat bisexual women as a monolithic group because of past hurts are just using those pains as an excuse for your bigotry.

I have had my heart broken by a lesbian woman who cheated on me, we were together 6 years. Now, like everyone on this site, I have had my ups and downs in the dating world. What I do not do is treat any lesbian or bi-woman as though they were my ex.

The women I am cautious of are those who send me the ‘red flags’, dykes or bi, I judge a woman by her character and act accordingly.

I am currently in a safe and loving relationship with a woman who I have been with for a little over a year. Most lesbians I meet do not have an issue with bi-women. Like everyone, straight or gay or bi, they are concerned with cheaters and players.

In my old age:) I have discovered that once you start self-reflection on your past dating experiences, you can chalk it up to bad luck, low self esteem, being horny, whatever!

What you must not do is react in the same vain as bigots. We are all under the same rainbow and we can all suffer the same discrimination (yes, I am at risk of losing my children being with my partner because my state is not safe for glbt families).

When you are looking for a wonderful relationship, if you keep coming across the
bad bi women, I would wager there are some bad dykes mixed in there as well. A messed up woman is a messed up woman.

I am black. I am bi. I am a woman. I have been beat and called nigger by white boys and girls alike when I was a kid. I had a man spit on me when I told him I was bi. At a job several years ago I was discriminated against for dating a woman and being vocal about discrimination at work. Do not tell me it’s ok to color an entire group as being a certain way, when it is you painting that picture.

Bisexuality is misunderstood. Judge a woman by the content of her character. It is so easy to be reactionary rather than revolutionary at a time when GLBT rights are threatened in so many states across America and quibbles like these break us apart rather than unite us. Peace.

April 21, 2009 at 6:12 pm
(24) Bi Social News says:

Interesting Topic,

The bisexual community is now at the start of the bisexulist movement regarding biphobia from lesbians and gays. Thought we have many that are part of the BLGT communities, the bisexuals community as tired of trying to explain something that is very simple. We are attracted to men and women, and just because someone else likes one sex, doesn’t mean we are less valued. Just like the GL community want straights to recognize who you are, the sames goes to the GL&S community regarding us.

Keep up the work in sharing your knowledge. Well be watching.

April 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm
(25) Proud_Bi says:

“Bravo Mizz M for playing the race card, you have no idea who i am, who i date or even what my ethnicity is.” Sounds to me like you’re being judged by your comments, which is more than I can say for you-you’re not even judging people by their comments, just their sexuality. And if you judge someone by their sexuality, how is it any different from judging them by their race? It seems a comparison was being made-don’t you get that? If someone made a comment like that about black people, they would be called prejudiced. The point is, it’s not different based on sexuality. You are a bigot, plain and simple, and you can have a fit all you want, that doesn’t change it. And the first line is always “some of my best friends are”, yeah, what a bunch of bs. If you would not even give a person a chance based on their sexuality, without getting to know the person, you’re prejudiced. For all of you who have had your “hearts broken”, maybe you were dating closeted people? I’ve run across enough closeted lesbians, so called “real lesbains”, or so they claimed, who are closeted and run back to the straight world. Do I think they are all like that, and would I never date one again? Of course not. People leave each other for the same gender too all the time, and people are no more likely to leave you for the other gender. It’s time you grew up and saw the real world and STOPPED putting people in boxes, and labeling an entire group of people based on a few, the same way you don’t want the straight world judging you based on a few. You say you’re not “biphobic” but it’s comments and attitudes like yours that encourages prejudice and lies against us and our trans brothers and sisters as well.

“Personally, also from experience, A LOT of bisexual women swing one way or another. And, again, though most of them say theyíre bisexual, theyíve never had experience with the same sex.” That’s a bunch of bs. If they swing one way or the other-wouldn’t those that swing towards women automatically have plenty of experience with women? You contradict yourself. There are loads of bis of both genders who have had plenty of experience with the same sex, even the studies prove it. YOUR experience does not make up an entire group.

October 6, 2009 at 4:18 pm
(26) AnimalGirl says:

I believe everyone is entitled to their own sexual choices. And I also believe that respect and acceptance is important.

Why canít people just get along with each other?

Itís exactly the same problem with religion and others like Atheists, Wiccan, Pagan etc. etc. etc.

We canít all love or like exactly the same things in life. Everyone is different. I say: Interact, Respect, live and let live.

Iím so sick and tired of this crap. Thatís why I hate people in general. I prefer animals, especially dogs. They will love you no matter what.

April 28, 2010 at 9:39 pm
(27) Peelander_Purple says:

I’m sorry but my blood just boils when this comes up. I am a proud, true bisexual and very happy to be so. I can understand not wanting to date a bisexual girl because picturing her with guys grosses you out. I get it. And I understand that some lesbians just prefer other lesbians like someone can prefer chocolate over vanilla. But refusing to be with bisexual woman as a trust issue is just completely unfounded and prejudiced. We’ve all had our hearts broken, it doesn’t mean a whole group of people is to blame. I had my heart broken by a Greek boy, doesn’t mean I steer clear of all Greeks or think they all cheat. If you think you have a higher chance of being dumped or cheated on by a bisexual, you’re dead wrong. It’s a personal thing, not a sexuality thing. And it’s a vicious and hurtful thing to spread around. All that does is create rifts in the LGBTQQUI community where we should be united to ensure we are all accepted. I’ve had feelings for straight girls before because I love women. If you love women too you’d love them regardless of their sexuality. How many times have you longed for the untouchable straight girl? I’m sure you have. Sexuality makes no difference if you truly love and appreciate women.

October 12, 2010 at 9:02 am
(28) Jenniverse says:

“But refusing to be with bisexual woman as a trust issue is just completely unfounded and prejudiced….How many times have you longed for the untouchable straight girl? Iím sure you have. Sexuality makes no difference if you truly love and appreciate women.”

Treating someone with respect and allowing them into your bedroom are two separate issues. If someone doesn’t want a sexually based relationship with you, they don’t want a sexually based relationship with you. People are attracted to who they’re attracted to, regardless of logic or political correctness.

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about an oppressive or progressive society, neither society has any right to dictate what someone does in the bedroom. Trying to force your “logic” on who someone else sleeps with creates rifts in the LGBTQ community. It’s society telling someone that their sexual preferences are “wrong”, and quite honestly none of your business and definitely not up for debate.

Love and sex are two completely different issues. I can have sex with someone I don’t particularly like, and love someone I’d never have sex with. If I’m in a monogamous relationship, I’ll choose someone I love and am sexually attracted to.

April 4, 2014 at 12:37 am
(29) Vivian-Li says:

<i>”Change bi to black, and would you still say you arenít prejudiced? Would you not date a black person either b/c you had a bad experience with one? Do you have any idea how that sounds? Iím sorry for whatever happened to you, but just b/c one person is like that doesnít mean a whole group is. Whether you want to admit it or not, yes, you are prejudiced.”</i>

Nice try, but your race analogy is invalid. I could just as well argue that, for example, a Chinese woman is justified in her desire to only date and marry Chinese men, on the grounds that she thinks she’ll be able to better relate to him due their shared race and culture. The average rational person would *not* contend that this Chinese woman is being “racist” just because she will not consider dating, for e.g., White or Black men.
Similarly, lesbian women can justifiably desire to date only other lesbians, on the grounds that they wish to be with someone who they can better relate to — someone who is just as committed to women as she is. Hence, it is understandable that some lesbians may not want to date bisexual women because they find their desire for men unattractive — lesbians and bisexuals simply do not share this personality trait, and the resulting lack of commonality between them may be off-putting when considering a long-term relationship.

Moreover, like Jenniverse said, NO ONE is obligated to have sex with, or be romantically-involved with, anyone. It is not “prejudice”; it’s simply a personal preference. As an ethical society, we are legally and morally obligated to treat all people — minorities, people with disabilities, etc — fairly in matters like employment law, educational opportunities, access to healthcare, and so on. To do otherwise would be outright discrimination. The one important exception, however, is romantic/sexual attraction — we certainly do not “owe” anyone a date/sex/marriage, EVER; in this arena there is simply no such legal or moral obligation pressing upon us.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>
  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Lesbian Life

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.