Is Sex Everyday Too Much to Expect?

If a compromise doesn’t work, the relationship may eventually end because I think it’s pretty safe to say that intimacy is important between partners. When it comes down to it, if one partner isn’t happy, the relationship isn’t sound. If you find yourself back in the same rut(s), it’s a sign to move on. Trust me, it’s easier said than done..if it comes to that. Don’t give up, but don’t give in to settling if you’re not happy in the relationship. Everyone deserves to be happy!

I was in a relationship where my partner had a higher sex drive and even though in the past mine was also…compared to hers it was low. Compromise is a beautiful thing, but at the end of the day you may find yourself more frustrated. My partner went through that frustration with me, I did try to give more sexually, but ultimately it was still not enough and left me feeling a bit of frustration and anger myself. I say fist talk to your partner, address her in a way where she does not feel threatened or criticized. Find out what has changed from when you first got together. Also find out if she is interested in increasing your sexual performance. Therapy would also be a good option to find out what issues or challenges you have both dealt with in your past that have you where you are today.

people have differing sex drives, and ‘therapy’ is not always the answer.

and when one person’s is a lot higher, that doesn’t necessarily make the other person’s ‘low’. more accurately, it’s just less. one sure way to depress a partner’s sex drive – whatever it is – is to nag and belittle them. try being romantic as opposed to trying to jump them all the time.

also, sometimes, even when a partner with a lower drive steps up, the partner with the higher drive isn’t satisfied, and wants even more, leading to more stress for both. i note that when your partner did step up, you complained. that’s surely not a way to get more, now is it?

and yes, you can also relieve yourself to take the edge off. maybe you’ll need to take care of yourself a few times a week, and then be taken care of by your partner a few times a week.

I think also being patient with your partner is needed. Understand what may be stressing her out and see if you both can eliminate these stresses.

we haven’t had sex in 5 years….needless to say it’s over for me…she doesn’t get the fact that our relationship is over because she won’t even try….i used to beg, plead, get it elsewhere and it got to the point where it killed my self-esteem…so compromise only works when both sides love each other enough to do that…i believe that it’s selfish for one to not even try

I have had experience with partners whose sex drives differ from my own (mine being high) and it does get very frustrating. You have to realize that this often has no merit toward the other person’s attraction for you. Like Kathy said, compromise is the key to quelling this problem. You said you have talked to her before so communication is already set, so it should be easy to talk to her about compromise. Also, many couples have sex more often when they first begin dating then they do a few months down the road. It’s the newness I believe that creates this. All the same, fire in the bedroom should not go out just because a couple has been together for awhile. You said: ‘When I can get her to pay attention to me’… how do you do that? Or do you wait for her to initiate sexual contact? And on that topic, you say it stays over the clothes…is it because she stops it from going further or are you waiting for her to go under the clothes and when she doesn’t you don’t take it any further either? If you are waiting for her to give you the green light all the time… why not initiate it or do something to get her motor going…dress sexy when going to bed, make suggestive moves or comments when alone…even hire a baby sitter so that the two of you can have a romantic night alone. I bet if you set the mood she’d get the hint. So keep it interesting and spicy and I bet you will be having all the sex you like…well maybe not 3 times a day but at least 3 times a week!

Sadly, this can be the ruin of not only a relationship, but if there is enough emotional bullying (ie. making sarcastic comments) it may lead to the partner giving up on lesbian relationships altogether. Seriously, what difference is there if you can have a life with a man that you are not in love with and not be the target of hate and staying in a relationship where there is emotional abuse by a person who supposedly “loves” you, but tears at your self-esteem.

communication is the best way for dealin with these issues. I was in a relationship where i didnt believe i was getting enough sex, but i had to also take a step back and look at what my partner wanted and talk to her about it…i think therapy can be helpful, but if you cant talk to your partner about these intimate topics, then therapy wont do shit.

I am not therapist, but it is a common fact that in every relationship, mismatched libido’s will pay a factor. You may be the horny one and vice versa.

Everyone here has mentioned compromise. Compromise is going to help in the end.
My advice:
Ask you partner what gets her in the mood? or What keeps her in the mood?

I understand how you feel. I have a high sex drive, and if I could have sex all day, everyday I would be in HEAVEN!!All she has to to do is touch me and I am ready to go… but my partner is not the same way when it comes to sex drives.

So for example, my partner loves it when I clean up the house. It turns her on for some reason, but I know when I clean house, I am going to get laid. So I make it a point to treat her by doing those odd quirky things that will keep her in the mood.
That way she has more time and she is relaxed and not worried about doing this or that and has more time to reflect and be with me.

Find out what keeps your partner in the mood and use it to your advantage and see if it helps her and you.

how about getting some adult toys that you could use.
other than that i know nothing about sex so can not coment any further.

I think if you just focus on me me me and don’t find out what is going on with your partner you do end up with just one person in a sexual relationship (you by yourself) When one partner feels pressured to do anything they don’t want to and sex is no different. She should ask her partner maybe there is a reason … like smell or bad body image or no foreplay or maybe she is intimidated or what if her partner is bored because they do not do anything new or she is sick of the push push push for sex? Good that she is seeking help but she is talking to the wrong person – how about talking to your partner because only she really knows what is going on for sure …I would talk to each other first and then if you need a third party see a therapist, read books try new things make it fun not a chore that has to be done everyday!

My wife and I are the same way I have always had a rediculously high sex drive where as her’s was not so much i think u just need to talk about it and try to introduce some differant things if toys are somthing you both are into or role playing… Somthing to get her intrest not that you are not interesting to her but sometimes we all need a bit of change and spark…. Suggest somethings you would like to try together and see where it takes u but most of all have patients and understanding…. Goodluck!

Remember that 7 months is not a long time to be in a relationship. Things change within relationships constantly. I think with a high libido, you should try to please yourself the days that your girl is not able/not in the mood. Also, tell her that you will be doing this. Don’t tell her in a way that makes it sound like “if you don’t want to do this, then I’m going to do that”. More like an open invitation for her if she wants to come “help”. I don’t know any lesbian that won’t want to partake. And if she doesn’t want to join, then at the very least, your libido is satisfied. And, the other people here are right on target, you will have to control your irritability and curb the remarks. It will only lead you down the path to break-up. No one likes to be talked to like this. And I know because when I get upset, I do the same thing…only to regret my remarks later.

I can understand where Hedi is coming from. My sex drive is much higher than my partners. I agree with Kathy, its all about comprimise. Every woman is different and in any realtionship there are situations that come up where sometimes we have to give a little bit more or the oppisite.
I thought that my partner just wasnt attracted to me any more. I took her sex drive very personal. I found that communication is the key. Come to find out her medication had a serious effect on her sex drive. Now I understand that its not “Me” at all.
I say you talk to her openly about how you feel. There maybey alot more going on in her life than your aware of.
Another thing that my partner and I have done is spiced up our sex life. We’re trying things that are new to make things more exciting. There are alot of books to help with that!
Good luck. Mo with Pride

buy a vibrator

My wife and i are having the same problem. My sex drive is higher than hers. This makes us frustrated and it makes her worry. I let her know everything is cool. When she is at work i deal with me until she gets home. She has explained to me that her job plays apart in this. I love her too much to not be patient and when her sex drive rises i let her know what she has been missing for a week.

I think You are not romantic. I think when you touch romanticaly her arms & she feels that your touch is lovable not only sexually then she also never mind sex with you every day. and lovable touch is very artistic then your girlfreind feel satisfaction

I have the same situation, how ever over time i have learnt through communication that she has a low sex drive and we can have sex dutly (which will only be on average 50% of the normal perfomance i expect) or we can have it mutually when we both have the same desire “stella performance”. Jezz i jumped right into the dutly for months i enjoyed myself until i realize it was only a few times a week i’ll really be like wow damn it was good.

What i’m saying is forcing it won’t make it better you’ll only be destroying your relationship or you woman if she isn’t strong.

My girlfriend is a teacher, so she is patient with me and waited for me to learn the lesson and her sex drive stepped up a bit.

You need to talk about it a little more.

Women – go get your hormone levels checked – yes it takes some money and time and effort but if you really love your partner and the relationship is fulfilling and healthy in other ways – check out the hormones! Isn’t your partner worth it??

Communication is the key to solve your psoblem. It is high time you discuss this with your partner. Btw, did you ever ask her as to what are her preferances? Did ever make an attempt to know what turns her on? After all, a relationship is all about ‘Give & Take’, sweety. Please talk to her and know what is in her mind. Discuss frankly, but with lot of love and care. Make her feel that you love her and care for her. You just can’t be selfish in a relationship and it can never be a ONE WAY TRAFFIC, sweety.
Good Luck.

Since your sex drive is that high, you might want to consider taking care of things on your own. Don’t screw up an otherwise good relationship for a mismatch in libido.
Also, when a person feels pressured into sex, it becomes more like an obligation. Try figuring out what turns her on, instead of thinking about what you need and how often you need it.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that sex is 10% significant when you’re having it, and 90% significant when you’re not…but I’d like to suggest some gratitude for what you do have.

I agree with most of the comments that were made. Communication being the key…Also do you remember what it was like in the beginning…How did that change???? I also was in a relations like that my woman worked nites..Too tried in the mornings…However I didn’t let that destroyed our relationship…I purchase some toys… hope this helps

I think there are several factors that affect one’s sex drive. What are her daily stress levels? Also, I think it’s a pretty common thing in most relationships for the amount of sex had to decrease over time. While I definitely do agree on compromise, it may not necessarily take therapy to reach such compromise. Clear and rational communication is key. If nothing gets accomplished then I would probably seek out therapy.

I am in my 40’s and also have a high sex drive. I think you are very normal to want sex so much. However, is the reason you feel like having sex so often is to enjoy the one you love? Or, is it solely due to your own drive? I don’t expect my partner to have my same sex drive, so I masturbate quite a bit. It certainly helps to eliminate the frustration. I then focus on what my partner wants to give at the time, cuddling and physical closeness:-)

My wife and I have been together for 14 years and we have had many issues with her drive being much lower than mine. Like you, I entered our relationship with a 6 year old daughter, so that was a huge adjustment and there was resentment on both sides about who got to spend more time with me. She doesn’t think that relationships should be based on sex, and I don;t either, but I still would love to have sex every day. For awhile I did the nagging thing..bad idea. That made her want less. Then I stumbled on something that worked….I quit asking for sex!!! Sounds counterproductive, but we still kissed and cuddled, I just never asked for anything directly sexual. I took care of myself. After awhile, I started waiting to play until we were both in bed. told her matter-of-factly that I was going to play with “Bubba” (our vibrator) and she could watch if she wanted. And she did. But I never asked her to participate. More and more frequently she started joining in, and gradually she started initiating sex more. I took the pressure off by not expecting anything from her. We are still very much in love after all this time. There is nothing we can’t get through together. We now have sex more days than not, and it is even hotter now that when we first got together, because I have helped her become less inhibited, and now she intiates a good bit of the time. Good luck!

Well, I think its a little of everything. For instance, I know i have a high sex drive, but I noted so when certain times of the month. Sometimes more sometimes I don’t even want to hear the word ’sex.’ I also agree with someone’s comment of hormones. I think my high sex drive is a hormonal thing, especially when my period is about to come.

However, I also think that communication is the key, just try to be patient with yourself and your partner, maybe you learn something that really turns her on.

Good luck!