Back in February 2007, Janice Langbehn and her partner Lisa Pond set out from their home in Olympia, WA on a family vacation in Florida. With their three children, Janice and Lisa planned to set out on an R Family Vacation, a cruise for gay families. But as they boarded the cruise ship, Lisa became suddenly ill. Lisa was rushed to the nearest hospital. Janice and the children followed. Janice was stopped from following Lisa back into the trauma area, but was to wait in the waiting area. Shortly after, a social worker came and told Janice she would not be allowed to see Lisa and that they were in an "anti-gay city and state." He said she would need to produce a Health Care Proxy.
Janet rushed to call a friend back home and have them fax the paperwork, which unlike many same-sex couples, they had prepared years before.
Janet recalled that day in a post on her blog:
I watched numbly as other families were invited back into the trauma center to visit with their loved ones. I was still waiting to hear what was happening with Lisa, realizing as the time passed that I was not being allowed to see her and if the social worker's words were any indication it was because we were gay. Anger, despair and disbelief wracked my brain as I tried to figure out a way to find out what was going on with Lisa.
What happened next is horrifying. A surgeon came out to tell Janet that Lisa had suffered an aneurysm and because of massive bleeding on the brain, she would not survive in any more than a vegetative state. At that point the surgeon asked for permission to place pressure monitor in her brain. It was only then that Janet realized the hospital had received Lisa's paperwork.
When Janet realized the gravity of the situation, she asked to be allowed to bring the children in and sit with Lisa. In the next five hours, as Lisa lay dying, Janet was only allowed a brief visit, as a priest came in and performed a ritual of the last rites. Then Janet was ushered out of the room. Lisa died alone, with her family sitting just yards away.
Yesterday's Ruling
As horrible an experience as that was, Janet teamed up with Lambda Legal to ensure that no other family would have to go through what they did. Janet filed a suit against the hospital. Yesterday, the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida threw out that lawsuit, saying the hospital had no obligation to allow visitors into their trauma center. Even though the doctor said there was no medical reason to keep them out.
Beth Littrell, Staff Attorney in Lambda Legal said, "The court's decision paints a tragically stark picture of how vulnerable same-sex couples and their families really are during times of crisis. We hope that because of Janice's courage to seek justice for her family in this case that more people better understand the costs of anti-gay discrimination. This should never happen to anyone."
Unfortunately Janet's Story is not Unique
I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine if I were denied access to my partner as she lay dying because some homophobic social worker decided to play God. Unfortunately, this story is not unique, even in "gay-friendly" states with gay rights protections, like where I live in Oregon.
In Oregon, we have domestic partnerships which grant registered couples the same rights as married couples. Yet, when Patrick Halloran's domestic partner Christopher was admitted to the hospital with a life threatening condition in April, he was told he needed to leave the room as "family" was to be summoned to make life and death decisions. Luckily Patrick got on the phone to an attorney right away who was able to get him access to his partner as he died.
So if anyone asks you why marriage is important, why we can't just be happy with "civil unions" with the same rights. This is why. In moments of life and death, you don't want to have to search for paperwork or explain to a hospital staff person what exactly the law is. Marriage is universally understood.
I can’t even put into words how this story made me feel. When I first read about it, I wanted names…addresses. Of anybody I could write to. I was so angry and devastated.
Unfortunately, no one can ever give those moments back to Janice. She never had the chance to give comfort to Lisa, to say goodbye.
The social worker at the hospital said it was because they were in an “anti-gay” city & state. I want to blame him. He seemed to be the one making all the decisions that day and he certainly could have made an exception. But they found themselves up against an anti-gay individual without a heart, not a city & state. Really considering the situation, where time was of the essence. Even the children weren’t allowed to say goodbye to their mother…the reason? They were too young. Unbelievable.
My parents are heading to Florida in February for a 10-day vacation. I hope nothing unforeseen should occur and if it does, I hope they’ve a plan in place. Unfortunately they’ll have to claim to be “sisters” if either one ends up hospitalized, so they can be together. Pathetic, right?
I can’t stop crying.
Packing my bags and flying up to Maine Oct 3 to volunteer for a month with the No on 1 campaign in Portland.
Come join me and together we can win marriage equality for Maine.
Pam and Cathy married in Vermont Sept 1, 2009
together 16 years
I am appalled, disgusted, scared. As an RN, I cannot believe such a medical staff as to let a dying patient alone without her family regardless of circumstances. As a lesbian and one newly married, this terrifies me. It makes me want to stay in New England, where some states and people recognize lesbians are human beings.
I hope there are legal alternatives to this situation. There has to be some justice for this partner and children.
This scenerio is exactly why domestic partnerships were created. My parnter and I carry our Medical Power of Attorney with us when we travel. It was the first thing we did when we moved in together. Is Florida ignoring a legal document? Anyone can appoint any qualified person they want as having that Power of Attorney. Until same-sex “marriage” is truly recognized like any hetrosexual marriage, it seems to be an exercise in futility, since it still ignores many rights and benefits of marriage. Same-sex marriage seems to be nothing more than “domestic partnership”. I live in California and saw how sad and disappointed our community was over the Prop 8 ~ and how futile some couples felt because it was a waterd-down marriage, so did not marry. I would think that by now, our country would have come further in understanding that this is a stand on personal rights (not just a gay/lesbian thing.) I praise those who are working so hard and have fought for our rights ~ much work is still to be done. Thank you for having this forum to speak out ~ I have learned so much about all kinds of issues.
To know that loving someone in this day and age is not enough crushes my spirit. Who cares what you think about anyone else and there life style, what does it matter if you dont like who I love, this isnt just about gay/lesbian rights anymore this is about how we treat each other. To allow a fellow human being to die alone, through no choice of their own is shameful and disgraceful. I cried not only for that woman and her family but for all of humanity. Not to mention that poor social worker that thought or rationalized somewhere in her mind that she was doing the right thing…
Like Christine, I cannot really express in words how hollow this story made me feel – how angry and bitter and riled.
I hope with all my heart that Janice Langbehn knows there are people in the world who recognise her pain and are angered by that which caused it.
Stories like this terrify me. I am an Occupational Therapist , and I asked my fellow co-workers to sign as witnesses on my Medical POA. My mother, my wife and my friend all have copies of it if for some reason something happens to me and my wife does not have it with her.
I am very vocal about making sure that partners have status in our facility, the same as legal wedded spouses. I will continue to be vocal, and educate not only the nursing staff but the Social Workers and others until they see that even if we are not allowed to be legally wed here, we still are wed in our hearts and that is what really counts.
This story is heartbreaking! My girlfriend and i were just talking the other day about what either of us should do should something happen to one of us…. Things like what happened to Janice and Lisa cross my mind all the time.
As for the social worker that refused to allow them to spend their last moments as a family… He will get what is coming to him! Remember karma is a bitch! I would like to express my sympathy to this family and wish them the best in the future and whatever they make of it.
And for anyone else reading this…. Remember that we may be a minority right now, but there have been many other people concidered a minority in the past… Walk with your heads high and be proud of who you are. Words are just words and actions are just actions. What really matters is what we feel in our hearts and that we are happy to be who we are!!!! Because when it comes down to it, who matters the most to you? You or everyone else and what they think?
This is a tragic story and one I’ve been afraid of too. Seven months ago I was at a convention in Columbus OH with my partner when she had a seizure (she had never had one before). The whole way to the hospital I kept trying to come up with a lie so I could stay with her at the hospital. Who could I be so “they” would allow me to stay with her? I was shaking I was so scared. My fear never was realized. Everyone; EMT, doctors, nurses even the chaplin were unbelievably helpful and kind to me. I’m plugging the hospital… it was Grant Medical Center.
This August while on vacation, again, my partner had a seizure. We ended up at Yale New Haven Hospital in CT. Maybe I walked in with a little more confidence this time, but again I was treated as a family member the whole time.
This is not an excuse to not have a Health Care Proxy, but it isn’t all bad out there. I am grateful for my experiences at these two hospitals. Without the info I was able to give the doctors, my partner’s care would have been a lot different.
I am shocked and apalled at this story. How can a person be so close minded? It didn’t matter if he believed the lifestyle is right or wrong, it’s not his choice to decided who is with someone when they are sick or dying! I wish there were some way to bring charges against the guy. Just the thought of not being with my partner if she is sick or dying makes my blood boil. I understand there are lots of people that don’t agree with this lifestyle and that’s finel, I don’t agree with alot of straight peoples lifestyle, but it’s wrong to treat someone like they are less than human. Forget straight or gay rights, what about human rights? My partner had surgery not too long ago and we live in a small town. We had both expected there to be alot of drama just because of us living in a small town and our relationship being what it is. To our surprise, most people were really open and treated me with respect and answered all my questions. There was only one or two that gave me the cold shoulder. I am very saddened by the story and hope Obama will get a lot of things changed for us.