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Kathy Belge

What if Her Mother Won't Acknowledge Your Relationship?

By , About.com GuideNovember 29, 2009

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Dear Lesbian Life
I am a 31-year-old lesbian. I came out 13 years ago, and I am very proud to be out. My partner Debbie (out for 14 years) and I have been together for almost two years. We love each other very much and live together.

Even though Debbie has had various girlfriends over the years, her mother still acts as if she doesn't know that her daughter is a lesbian.

If she wants to forget, or not realize the truth about her daughter, it's fine with me, but I don't want to lie about my life.

To tell you the truth I get mad at my "mother-in-law" for wanting to be so blind. What can I do, so that I don't get mad? Should I accept that my mother-in-law will never accept that her 33-year-old and only daughter is a lesbian?


Signed,
In the Closet at the In-Laws

Dear In the Closet

You can't force someone to accept reality, even when two big dykes are staring her in the face.
If you really think about it, you're asking her to do exactly what you're unwilling to do: accept her where she is. She won't accept that her daughter (and you) are gay. You won't accept that she can't quite come to grips with that.

I'm not saying she is right. And I'm not saying you should ever lie about your life.

You can get mad about her not accepting you. And you have a right to. But where is that getting you? Probably making your partner uncomfortable and her already stressful visits with her mom more stressful...keep reading.


© Lisa Kyle Young/Getty Images

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