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Kathy Belge

What Causes Lesbian Life?

By June 7, 2011

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I have a question ask about lesbian life, and what cause lesbian life is it insufficient man or what? I want to know.

This question came in today's mail. It's obvious from the way it is written that English is not this person's first language. Perhaps she or he is from a place where there is not a lot of information available about lesbians and gays. That's why I'm glad I'm here to provide the answers, even though this isn't a question that is easily answered.


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June 7, 2011 at 9:44 pm
(1) surgicalgirl says:

Cute! Well, I think the cause of my lesbian life, was when I was dropped on my head at birth :- )

June 8, 2011 at 8:49 am
(2) Salty says:

Since only one other lesbian so far has responded, I’ll will. The answer is actually simple. I am a lesbian – which simply means that I am a woman and when I am romantically sexually attracted to someone it will be a woman. I am not romantically sexually attracted to all women. I am NOT romantically sexually attracted to men so I don’t have romantic sexual relationships with men.

A scientist or biologist can not explain why some people are homosexual the same as they can’t explain why some people are heterosexual or bisexual, have different skin tones and different shaped eyes and different hair color OR ancient dinosaurs. Things that exist in nature don’t need to be explained. Just because some people refuse to accept the fact that not everyone is heterosexual doesn’t change that fact. Of course those who oppose homosexuality ignore me and other lesbians when we say we are are not romantically sexually attracted to men so we will not pretend to be heterosexual by getting with men. Just because some lesbians get with men romantically sexually doesn’t mean that I should be expected to go against my nature so that others will feel better about their religion. It makes no sense that many people believe what is written in a book but will not believe a real life human being who says it plain that we are not romantically sexually attracted to the opposite-sex but we are romantically sexually attracted to the same-sex.

The question that needs to be asked is why do some people refuse to believe what is factual.

There are men everywhere and if I wanted a man I could have one (or more). My choice is to not pretend to be interested in men. My life is not a “phase”. My attraction to women has never ebbed. I’m not a part-time lesbian who put this label on just when I’m with a woman, want a woman, or visit a WWLW website.

Maybe the ones who don’t understand homosexuality have never experienced being romantically sexually attracted to someone. If they have never experienced it then maybe they expect everyone else to just get with someone of the opposite-sex and feelings don’t have anything to do with it.

Women can label their sexuality whatever they want to but women like Sheryl Swoopes (and others) who say they are gay just because they are currently with a woman has nothing to do with lesbians who are into women and not men. Swoopes may have just fell in love with a woman, well I may just fall in love with a woman. The difference is that she is also into men and I am not. Or is she? I wonder how come women like Swoopes don’t say they are bisexual because when I read that they say they are gay, I think that means they are not into men, but say they “just fell for a woman” to not give the impression that they have been pretending to be heterosexual. It’s left open to interpretation because women saying they are gay because they just fell for a woman makes that a false statement if they are also into men.

I saw a tv program “Late In Life Lesbians”. One woman, a comedienne, was married to a man and had children with him. She thought she was frigid. Now she is with a woman and not frigid. Another woman on the program, had a female partner during the filming of the program, but she was with men before she fell for her female partner. She said she is into men but labels herself a lesbian. Why- because she is with a woman? Fine, I don’t own the word “lesbian” but I’m not in the same category as her because I’m not attracted to men in a romantic sexual way so I don’t do men.

Some men (and unfortunately some women) can’t stand the fact that a male does not dominate every woman’s life. Some even go so far as to claim that male misbehavior is responsible for lesbians not getting with men – making males villians. The world has not stopped spinning because a lesbian is not interested in a man including what is in his pants – his money or his penis.

Some people just get with someone of the opposite-sex to be accepted and to have babies. The heart soul mind of a person do not matter to some people.

June 9, 2011 at 12:19 pm
(3) KARINA says:

OMG!. Cause ? There’s not cause.!
I born lesbian. God made me this way. I born to love womans.
When they ask me, when I realize that I was a lesbian ?
My answer is always the same: since I was in kindergarden :)
And of course, they dont get it, how?why?when?
Nobody became a lesbian!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I born to love womans, that’s it.:)

June 9, 2011 at 1:10 pm
(4) Blue says:

I have been a lesbian for a long time so I have had plenty of time to think about this. I have never been in a loving relationship with a man. I dont feel sexually attracted to men, I am not a man hater I have a son that I conceived with my former lover and now friend and other mother to my 26 year old son. I was inseminated in 1985 and I love my son. I was sexually abused by my father at around the age of 7, the man that was to protect me and keep me safe from harm. This is when I believe that I lost trust in men; and I believe that this has happened to many lesbians. I always felt safer being intimate with a women. I think your lifes experiences makes you who you are today.

June 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm
(5) Odette says:

I really don’t have any answers, but then I don’t think we should worry about it – just enjoy it! Some people want to have the definitive answer to everything. I believe that the reason we don’t know the meaning of life is because we’re not actually meant to. Let’s just get on with life, accept that sometimes we have differing points of view, and spread happiness (and lezzie love) where we can!

June 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm
(6) Julia says:

After reading the blog and the above comments, I cannot help but wonder why no one asks, “What makes a heterosexual?” “Why are you ‘straight’?” Just a question that occurs to me when the subject comes up!

June 9, 2011 at 8:40 pm
(7) robin says:

I think we are who we are and no one needs to explain why they are who they are. We are all human….LGBT’s just love more openly and with their hearts and minds wide open.

June 9, 2011 at 9:11 pm
(8) terri a. says:

i respect all the above responses. we r ndividuals with multifacet xperiences. spiritual-socio-psychological-biological nteractions all play a part n who we r. i am a ‘latent lesbian’ aka a menopausal homosexual. have 2 children from a 17 years heterosexual marriage.

the patriarchial-competitive-corporate-capitalistic society i.e. the culture of war is not a normal society of balanced thinkers. the fact that i am ntensely attracted 2 women is natural-organic as well as spiritual. it is an acceptable thus non controversial issue n the gret scheme of things.

June 10, 2011 at 2:13 am
(9) Robins says:

what causes lesbian life is that soul deep calling to be who you trully are and allow yourself to be drawn to your full potential as a woman by following your heart, listening to your soul and having faith that your mind will not forsake you when you are confronted with such ridiculous questions… I mean seriously?? what causes straight life? -as the question was so eloquently put. live and let live for pete’s sake… we are who we are, it is what it is… and if there is to be a norm then the norm is that all people are social beings who are inclined to romantic, phisical and loving interaction with one another…and within this norm are variations… inter-culturla, inter-racial, heteorsexual, bi-sexual, homosexual varients… people should just get with the program

June 10, 2011 at 6:59 am
(10) Abraham says:

Homosexuality is a gravious SIN against God and Humanity. God did not creat us to be attracted to our opposite sex.it was as a result of that, that God destroyed the People Sodom and Gomorrah Gen.19:1-38 .Repent and ascept Jesus Christ now befor it is too late.

June 10, 2011 at 10:17 am
(11) Jesus says:

Um, Abraham, don’t be so narrow minded – the Bible CLEARLY says, “Thou Shalt not Judge”…. sooo….

Deal with it.

Sincerely, :)

June 10, 2011 at 10:29 am
(12) Salty says:

TO #10 Abraham – Well, to people such as yourself, everything is a SIN unless you do it. Do you consider lying a SIN? If so, then a person pretending to be who they are not, is a SIN, therefore, it would be a SIN for me to get with a man that I have no desire for – and I don’t mean just sexual desire.

Repent what? You assume just because people are homosexual that they don’t believe in God or Jesus Christ. You overstep your bounds trying to tell other people how to live. In case you haven’t been told, I’ll remind you that you are not God. Just because you consider the behavior of some people a SIN doesn’t mean that it is.

June 10, 2011 at 11:13 am
(13) skell says:

Yes exactly chicken little aka #10… if you against this why are you even on this website….. i think that you just find some1 who you can love if its a guy hmm ok if its a girl even better…:)

June 10, 2011 at 4:24 pm
(14) A says:

Greetings, the attacks on the GLBTIQ people is human sacrifice! If your religion says attack animals, that is animal sacrifice. If your religion says attack people, that is human sacrifice! The human sacrifice done on the GLBTIQ persons, had it’s roots on attacting Pagans. God does not need or want human sacrifice! Blessed Be!

June 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm
(15) A says:

Oh, yes lesbians are alive! That causes lesbian life! Live! Peace, Joy and Blessings!

June 10, 2011 at 9:28 pm
(16) Smoking Crow says:

I think you give this person (the question asker) far too much credit. They are probably an English speaker with horrible grammar. I mean, look at it:

“I have a question ask about lesbian life, and what cause lesbian life [.] is it [a] insufficient man or what? I want to know.”

You only have to insert a period where I marked in brackets to make it more legible and add an A. They are probably just a religious person looking to get a good blog post to spew their hate on!

June 12, 2011 at 8:53 pm
(17) Jara says:

“Since only one other lesbian so far has responded, Iíll will. The answer is actually simple. I am a lesbian Ė which simply means that I am a woman and when I am romantically sexually attracted to someone it will be a woman. I am not romantically sexually attracted to all women. I am NOT romantically sexually attracted to men so I donít have romantic sexual relationships with men.”

I’m not sure what you mean by “romantically sexually attracted”. Is this different from just “sexually attracted”?

June 12, 2011 at 11:23 pm
(18) Mrs T says:

What causes sexual oirientation is such a complex issue. I am sure there is no definitive answer yet!

However, I have this humorous/serious answer to if it is innate or environmental. If it were completely environmental, half the women would be lesbians cuz men are clueless about our deep emotional needs & we would turn to women! I do think it is a blend of many things.

BTW, I am a Christian, too, & this is not the forum to evangelize, especially in a negative way. God loves gays & they need to see that love, not more Bible-banging! Try themarinfoundation.org or loveisanorientation.com for some good help. BTW, I wear a blue wristband with loveisanorientation on it.

June 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm
(19) Ryan says:

Scientifically proven to be caused by an increase in water

contaminates, such as mercury. Look it up.

June 24, 2011 at 9:30 pm
(20) Salty says:

TO #17 Jara – Sometimes when I write I don’t use a slash mark or a comma in between words – such as romantically, sexually or romantically/sexually. Some people have romantic notions about how they should feel toward someone. Some people are romantically and sexually attracted to someone. Some people are sexually attracted to someone without even knowing more about a person than that they are physically attractive.

I’ve never been romantically or sexually attracted to a man. If I’m not romantically and sexually attracted to a woman then I will not have sex with her. I will not have sex with a woman just to have sex. There has to be more of a connection than just thinking a woman is physically attractive for me to be interested in her. And it is more than a woman’s body that will interest me in her.

Some people seem to think homosexuals are just into sexual pleasure with no emotions involved which makes no sense to me. I personally don’t see the point in sex with another person if one isn’t sexually attracted to that person. Sex should be fun and enjoyed. How can someone have sex with someone that they are not turned on by? People have various reasons for having sex with someone and sexual attraction is not always at the top of the list or even on the list. Heck, some heterosexuals don’t seem to think sexual attraction is necessary at all for a couple to get together as long as they are of the opposite-sex.

I prefer romance and sexual attraction otherwise I could just do myself. I don’t need a human sex toy. What would be the point in me letting someone have sex with my body when I’m not at least sexually attracted to that person? What would be the point in getting with a man and being unhappy on every level when I could be happy with a woman.

I can’t explain it better because I go by my feelings. And I will not deny my feelings and try to fake my way through life by being with a man just so some selfish people can pretend to be righteous.

June 24, 2011 at 9:33 pm
(21) Salty says:

TO #19 Ryan. At first I thought you were kidding because of the movie title It’s In the Water or something like that. I’ve never seen the movie. The “Look it up” part made me pause. Look up what? What is “scientifically proven” – that some people are brain damaged by contaminated water so can’t understand things that are explained in simple words? How hard can it be to understand when a woman says she is romantically and sexually attracted to women and not to men? That simple fact seems so hard for some to accept that they ignore it when they read it and make up their own reasons why a woman is into women and not men?

October 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
(22) BONDI says:

i think um born to be lesbian, its in my blood. i can fill that and um not pretending.

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