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Kathy Belge

Sexy Fridays: Afraid of Penetration

By July 8, 2011

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Today I heard from a young woman whose partner wanted to have sex with a sex toy, but she is afraid of penetration. She is scared it will hurt and doesn't understand why she has a phobia, as she calls it, about penetration. I offered her my best advice.

What do you think? Have you ever had a fear of something sexual that you were able to overcome? How did you go about it?

Darren McCollester/Getty Images

Comments
July 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm
(1) Jennifer says:

First, be assured that we all have fears. It is completely natural to fear something that is unknown. If the 2 women can agree that adding toys to their lovelife is something they BOTH wish to do, then my suggestion would be to allow the woman with the phobia to use a toy during intimacy where she is in 100% control of penetration. After all, she knows her body the best and can be in tune with any discomfort that may occur.
Make a date of finding a size, shape and color she enjoys. Being at the toy store with your lover is often an aphrodesiac to bedroom time. If you find a reputable store, the worker will be glad to educate you on differences in product. (too bad I can’t give you a plug on my favs)
Bottom line is this, comfortablility, communication and trust. Don’t push it! You have many many happy years to get to know one another!

July 16, 2011 at 12:28 pm
(2) JAN says:

I had sex with men for approximately 18 years, some partners i liked, however, after turning 41 years old, I discovered that I no longer liked penetration. Unfortunately, I had to stop dating men. But, I am happier as a person…. SO, PLEASE ONLY DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. IF SOMEONE REALLY LOVES YOU, THEY WOULD NOT FORCE ANYTHING ON YOU!!!

GOD BLESS

July 19, 2011 at 8:04 am
(3) connie says:

Hi Kathy,

I am a dutch bisexual woman working in the LGBT-archives in the Netherlands. I have written a book on vaginism in the past together with a sexuologist (The closed women). A long time ago I suffered from vaginisme. If you want vaginistic women to read your blog on fear of penetration it is very unwise to display such a frightening image of big dildo’s. I hope you understand. Fear of penetration is not a joke, it is a real and humiliating fear.

I love your blog, I read it every week, but please remove the disrespectful picture. It won’t help anybody.

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