A reader recently wrote in and shared a letter she wrote to her brother after he used the word "fag" at a family gathering. She said he is the father to three teenagers and although he has never shown any homophobia toward her or her partners, she is concerned about the message his use of this word has on his children and his children's friends. She loves her brother and knows he loves her. She thinks he just doesn't get the impact his words might have on the young people in his life.
She wrote him this letter, which she shared with us. She said she got a response back from him that said he would think about his use of the word. That's all she hoped for really. I am sharing this letter with you because I think it's so powerful and because it might inspire you to have a conversation with your own life.
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Kudos to the letter-writer … and thank you, Kathy, for sharing it.
That is exactly what happens in my partners family. Her grandfather was with his partner 40 years yet his chiildren (who are in their 40’s) use this word with their son’s. But, I think to make them understand, I need something stronger to say.
When I hear them make a comment about something being so gay or calling one of the boys a fag I say “and so what is wrong with that?” or “and that’s bad because….”? They say, oh we were just kidding. They really DO NOT get it. Like I said, with this group, I need more.
And, it just surprises me so much because of the grandfather having a partner for 40 years and the family being so suportive of them…….
signed “don’t get it” in NC !!
Ah yes, ignorant noncaring people just follow the sheep it seems in matters like this. I’ve heard that word so basically knew what it referred to but I went to Ask.com for the definition to the word fag. It gave me the following–
1. A student at a British public school who is required to perform menial tasks for a student in a higher class
2. Fatiguing or tedious work; drudgery
3. To work to exhaustion; toil
4. To function as the servant of another student in a British public school
5. A cigarette
6. Used as a disparaging term for a homosexual man which is an American term or definition. Any country but America seems more tolerant of the lifestyle than we are.
When you hear the word fag offer the speaker a cigarette .
When you here the word faggot ask him or her “with chips and peas?”
When you here the word faegele ask the speaker if he or she is a twitcher or ornithologist
The now deceased Black standup comic and actor Richard Pryor use to use the word “nig*ar” a lot until he went to Africa. When he came back he said he would not use the word again. He had a new respect for himself and his fellow Black brothers and sisters.
Lesbians and gay men should show respect for ourselves and for our fellow sisters and brothers who are homosexual. We should not be using the words – lesbo, lezzy, fag, rug muncher (or whatever it is) etc when referring to ourselves or others like us because it is demeaning and using the words ourselves will not make them have a nicer meaning or sound better.
I don’t like hearing the word “nig*ar” come from a Black person anymore than I like it coming from anyone else. I don’t like hearing or reading the disrespectful words used for lesbians and gay men – even by us. It is just as easy to say or write the word lesbian as it is to use the other words. The same goes for the words used for gay men. Within our community we should show each other respect. I don’t care for the word dyke either and it is not because a dike is something that a boy put his finger in.
How much of an impact will it be for us to complain about demeaning words by those outside our group if we use those words within our group?