A recent study found that 30% of women in their 40s and 50% of women in their 50s hadn't had sex in over a year. Many of these women were dissatisfied with their sex lives. In fact, one of the issues I hear the most about from you is the lack of sex in your lesbian relationships. What's to be done about it? Have more sex. That's right, maintaining sexual activity, whether with yourself or with a partner is one of the best ways to ensure that your libido will remain strong as you age.
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The issue is nearly always a result of lack of communication at the crux of it….whether it’s one partner not feeling it, or not having needs met, whatever it is- it translates into less & less connection- and thus, less sex as the R/L ebbs…It’s fine for women to say they’re oke not having sex any more- but it’s still all wrong, imho.
If the R/L was good & communication was good- there WOULD be sex.
I haven’t had sex with my partner in 4 years. I feel so guilty. I know she wants me but, I have NO interest in sex with her or anyone else. My partner is my love, and even though I have an occasional sexual spark it dies in seconds. We are both in our 50’s. I read about hormones, and all kinds of advice. Wish, I could just flip the switch. Be sexual like I was in my 30’s. We do hold each other, cuddle, hold hands. Any suggestion s would be helpful.
I’m 22, my partner is 25. I feel like I’m in my sexual prime, and yet I only have sex once every two weeks if I’m lucky. I’m always the one asking–there’s clear communication that I want it. But I never get it. She’s always too tired, which really means she’s just not in the mood (since she stays up late far after I’ve asked her about it).
I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried romancing. I’ve tried to be sexy. I’ve tried asking, begging, pleading. I miss the way sex used to be for us; it was so passionate and hot and emotional. It makes me cry when I realize that those times were the best I’ll ever get probably, and now they’re gone.
We’ve lived together 24 years. We haven’t had sex in approximately 13 years. I’m like all of the ladies who say they’ve begged, pleaded, teased and used every other method they thought to get sexual attention. Including getting so angry I was on my way out the door. 14 years ago we started a process of fostering and then adopting what turned out to be 4 children. I know that has a big part of the problem. I”m living on hope that after the last one is 18 or leaves the nest that sex will come back. However, I have little hope because we’ve both been diagnosed with diabetis and diabetic neuropthy is affecting both of us in different ways. But for her it seems everything below her waist is affected. Yaaaaaaaaaaaa. Life goes on. She’s my love and I’m her’s. I just hope we’re able to carry on together.
@Suzanne
Viagra does work for women, even if there isn’t a ‘result you can see’ so to speak. It still makes blood rush to the same general region, etc. Ask your primary physician about it. I hope this helps.
We had the same problem after three yrs together, my sweetheart is older and going through menopause, and I’m not of course. It took some doing but we have managed to get the spark back, she’s gone 3 to 4 days a week with her work and it has brought back the desire, that and some new really good porn and new vibrators that I can use to her satisfaction
I am 47, my partner is 50 and I’m lucky to have sex twice a year. I would have sex every day, but she just isn’t interested. We’ve been together nearly 5 years. The first 2 years she was insatiable. Then nothing. We’re in it for the long haul, but it is frustrating. It seems there is always one who wants it and one who doesn’t. I wonder if it’s the same for straight couples?
Libido can be resurrected with bio-identical hormones. Also regular sex after the libido returns improves orgasms. They become stronger, and often arrive in multiples…. I hope this helps.
I am too young for a dead libido. And I have had a reputation for being a sexaholic since puberty. One day it just didn’t seem interesting any more. AFTER arriving at that point I went without sex for a year. Didn’t plan it that way; just didn’t care about sex. I do miss it, but it just doesn’t seem to be worth all he trouble. There are other more interesting things I can spend my time on.
oh, and I’m single and very attractive. So the abstinence doesn’t have anything to do with bed death or lack of options.
My point: I don’t think that it is always age or hormones that cause us to lose interest.
I am 58 years old and my partner is 60. We were reunited after 30 years. We have been living together for almost a year now. I have a hard time wanting to make Love when one day every thing is beautiful and the next we aren’t speaking and she is sleeping in another room. I need to feel the love to be interested in making Love. Making Love with her is so beautiful and satisfying but……
My partner is 22yrs old im 31yrs old. Im always aroused an i want some everyday. But she is not i beg, plea, cry, scream you name it ive done it to try an get some. But i dnt im lucky to get it once a week. Is this honestly normal for lesbians? Is this how its goin to b, we talk an comunicate all she tells me is she doesnt want me to leave her for some other grl. I wont i love her alot but i wana feel loved more than onece a wk. Any suggestion.
my babe and I are going through something similar. we haven’t had sex but once in almost two months. we’re 15 years apart, which may have something to do with it. but if she’s not feeling right emotionally, then she doesn’t want to have sex. we have a lot of issues at the moment(one of them being that we’re technically broken up right now). but I love her and I am willing to weather the storm while we find our way back to each other physically and emotionally.
I am with my partner for 6yrs now. The first 2yrs of the relationship our sexual encounters were great but now we hardly have sex. I feel that my partner do not have any desire for me or she might be going thru menopause. I am older than her by 7yrs and my sexual drive is very high. It is very frustrating to lie next to her to sleep and she does not make an attempt to touch or be romantic. She is satisfied with cuddling up next to you and falling asleep that is fine but not every night. I have to turn to watching porn on television. I am not a sexaholic but i still loves my sex even though I am in my mid 50’s. Once every 2 to 3 months is not for me and this is putting alot of strain on our relationship. Maybe she is all laid back in the relationship and feels she have me and do not need to do anything to keep me but I still need to have a sexual encounter in my life. I am going out my mind and will have to purhcase a Dildo or Vibrator but I need something………can’t take it anymore. Sometimes I feel like ending the relationship.
I have been living with my partner for almost two years we dated long distance for about 6 months before I move abroad to be with her. We were very passionate in the beginning, but everything has changed, and the respect and interest has waned and rules and regulations have taken place. Based on whether I am good or bad in her sight determines a lot of how the relationship is going. Whenever I am moody or feeling down she tells me to snap out of it and she does not support me because it is “affecting her quality time” it becomes about her and I am left feeling unloved and uncared for. We have spoken about this numerous times on different levels, but as soon as I am “not behaving or feeling sorry for myself” she resorts to an even colder and unkind person. It has been a roller coaster, and since it is my first relationship with a woman I thought it would be easier. She is very finicky about so many things, and I have had to compromise so much that I feel depressed and unloved for me, and I find it hard to openly communicate with her…she is very vocal with me about so many things that she deems wrong with me that I believe there truly is something wrong with me. Then after all the brow beating I am supposed to fulfill her love language of physical touch. After a while it just is so hard to want to communicate openly and honestly, but having a judgmental partner that does not seem to respect me belittles me and erodes my faith in myself as a person worthy of love. Needless to say when we do have sex I am so self conscious about not doing the right thing that I have withdrawn so much that I am thinking to cheat just to get my physical needs met without any attachments. I know it will only bring drama, but I am at a loss for what to do anymore. The hot and cold environment is really turning me off and I am seriously thinking to end this relationship and go back to dating and being with men..less drama i realize after going through this lesbian relationship.
To all of you wondering if things will improve…highly unlikely!
We stay in relationships for whatever reasons and sex is seldom at the top of the list.
If you have been together for under say, five years, now is the time to decide–either run or stay.
My partner and I have been together for just over 20 years and there is no sex. We went through our first 10 years with me begging…etc…and my first clue should have been to walk out when the sex was only once a month and it was always me initiating. The only time she wanted sex was when other women wanted me. Jealousy works wonders.
So why did I stay? other reasons mostly to do with stability and friendship.
Sex ended a few years ago completely and to be honest, I don’t want it with her anymore.
My libido is still there and always ready and willing, but I have not found anyone worth acting on it with. I find women play way too many games in that department.
In some ways men are easier — just happens I’m not interested enough to flow that way.
I have come to the realization that I am very happy with the way everything about my life and our relationship lives out and it would be a bonus were I to meet someone to join me. I’m just not actively looking.
That’s what I encourage the women to do..be happy with where you are at or move on cause the other person is never going to change (at least highly unlikely based on my experience).
i’m 32 and my girlfriend is 21. when we first got together we were having sex every night but then after we reached one month of being together her doctor put her on antidepressants and she quickly lost her sex drive. we haven’t had sex for two months and we’ve only been together for 3 months. i love her with all my heart and i don’t want to cheat on her but i have needs and my ex tells me all the time that she wants me back and she wants to have sex with me whether i’m single or not she’ll “take what she can get”. i don’t love my ex but it’s still tempting when the majority of this new relationship has been sexless. i hate cheaters and don’t want to be one but i have a strong libido and have always been able to have sex whenever and wherever i wanted when i was with my ex….what do i do?
my partner and i had been together for appox. 6 years..n sex..sometimes frustrating..but for me..love is not all just about sex..for us..love..passion..commitment..trust..that’s what a relationship is all about..i dont deny that sex determines the up n down of a relationship..i just live wt it..like bette n tina in L word..even they broke up which is led by lack of intimicy n undersanding..bt..if she’s the right 1..she will always be no matter what..
I often wonder if I’m a fool for staying. Been together 10 yrs intimacy died seven yrs ago. there’s 14 yrs diffence shes older. At first thought hormones, now it just feels like rejection. Leaving means losing my best friend, staying may mean missing out on the complete connection. Now we have seperate bedrooms, sleeping with someone you want with every fiber in your body and getting rejected just hurts.
…my girlfriend and i are both teachers…i am 42, she is 52…we use to have sex four times a week…anytime we can sneak out of work….
until we become so busy with work…now i miss that passionate, hot and emotional sex with her…that has now become once every two weeks.
….we don’t live together and i am getting insecure now….she said she has a lot of things to do that is why she needs space…i love her so much…i hope we can work things out together.