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Kathy Belge

Sexy Friday: How Do You Keep Sex Alive

By January 27, 2012

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Today's Sexy Friday is a continuation from last week. I recently interviewed Emily Wilcox, lesbian advice columnist and author of 100 Lesbians Walk into a Bar and I asked her what the most common question she is asked by lesbians. Her answer: How to keep sex alive in a long term relationship. Here's Emily's take on this age-old lesbian problem: How to Keep Sex Alive.

Keep the conversation going and share your tips about keeping sex and love alive.

Comments
January 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm
(1) elisa says:

I’m like most of the commenters in last weeks column. I would like sex, but my partner doesn’t have that feeling. I am 50 yo, but don’t feel like I’m old and near death just yet (my partner is a few years older). Like others, I would welcome suggestions. I have tried the romancing, the patience, talking, communicating, etc., etc. She just says that because of things (tired) she can’t. It’s been dwindling for the past 9 years out of 11 and the past year, we got married, but absolutely no sex at all in almost 2 years. I’d like to know why the person that says “no” to sex always wins, and the person that would like some affection (or any affection) doesn’t seem to get it. Everything sides with the person that says “no”. No one asks her to be patient, try romancing, or anything … like I’m expected to do (and have done) these things without any response. I find it all disheartening and either want to be divorced or find someone else, although I know she would not even image I would. I’m getting really tired of being alone in life with a partner. I think it’s easier to be lonely and single — as you can then take some steps to do something about it without feeling like you are “hurting” your partner (but then again, I am very hurt by all of this lack of anything).

January 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm
(2) Passion says:

Hi Elisa,
I totally get where you’re coming from because I, too feel the same way within my relationship of 15 years. My partner only wants sex when ‘she’ wants it, therefore I have to wait until she’s in the mood. It seems so unfair and I agree, the ‘no’ person shouldn’t always win. Although your partner has the right to say no, you also have the right to be happy.

You need to discuss all of these issues with your partner and if she is not willing to compromise by making you feel special and providing you with the sexual healing that you need, perhaps the two of you should see a counselor. Afterall, you are married, which clearly means that you took vows, for better or worse, in sickness and in health and that really means something. However, if counseling doesn’t work for you, then I would say that it’s just time to move on because you would have exhausted all possibilities to work things out. Remember, you deserve to be happy and that means sexually satisfied as well as being satisfied in your marriage. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope that things work out for the better.

January 29, 2012 at 12:52 am
(3) Eren says:

I personally believe that if you and your partner are not happy at all with eachother,and don’t see eye to eye then is very clear that is time to move on. Why keep torturing eachother and put all your energy in something that you know at the end won’t give. If there is love then both of you have to work at it,if one is not in the mood then make it happen a lovely dinner, soft music, and even a romantic bath the two of you.Don’t try to make your partner “get in the mood” only when one of you needs sex,you both need to get there at the same time!there is a 13 year difference between my partner and i and believe me there is a difference in sexual needs.what we need to do is break old habbits and do things different,obviously lesbians keep having this issue year after year and the “same” responds.

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