Sexy Fridays: Why Lesbians Don't Want to Have Sex With Men

Some women are not sexually attracted to men. A dildo is not a penis AND a woman wearing the sex toy is not a man. Why should a woman waste time having sex with a man who can’t sexually satisfy her? Why get with a man and need to think of a woman to get some sort of sexual satisfaction out of it when a woman can just get with a woman?

Chuck, if a man put on false breast, eyeliner, lipstick and long wig would that make you want to have sex with him?

I wonder if some heterosexuals even know what sexual attraction is. It’s as though some just pick someone who have opposite body parts but actual feelings for the person does not matter beyond the sex act..

Sexual attraction and love is about the connection of heart and mind between two people. The nature of what feels good physically to those two people can involve many different aspects. Perhaps simply cuddling on the sofa, or oral contact, or penetration. But the object or method or emotions are the province of the two individuals, and not subject to outside opinion as to judgment of their choices to satisfy the ego of the outsider. A strapon is not a penis because it is not a part of a male. D’oh!
And even if a woman had a penis, she is still not a male…..because a penis is not a male. A male is not simply a penis. Chuck’s question is an insult to both a lesbian and a male.

Sarah said “a male is not simply a penis”. I disagree; many are simply just that!

Gwen, focus on your own happiness and what you love. Please don’t insult the males; it makes all of us look bad. Let’s all love who we love and leave the hating in the dark ages where it belongs. Peace.

Are you serious? Sexual gratification is not just an appendage. It is what it is attached to. When you are attracted to a woman, you’re attracted to everything about that woman. Penetration feels good to some, and the fact that the penetrator is a woman is even better.
I agree with Sarah that for many people, sex is the connection of hearts and spirit. Being able to have penetrating sex is gratifying; being able to DETACH it and put it in a drawer next to your bed makes it beautiful!

LOL Gwen! What most straight people don’t understand is that many lesbians in particular and women in general have some emotional connection to their sexual partners, certainly more than the average man usually requires. The same physical reason men prefer women, (the softness, warmth, breasts, etc is the same reason women prefer other women.

If it were just the orgasm only, many women would be satisfied with a dildo and that’s all. Regardless of popular (men’s) belief the penis is not the cure all for womankind.

Many males have one thing on their mind–to have an orgasm. If the woman doesn’t, so what. He doesn’t care what she wants be it cuddling or attempts to stimulate her; he wants to penetrate asap and have an orgasm. They think too that oral sex means the woman going down on him, not he going down on her. I love having sex with a woman because she and I share the experience equally. I also love the fact that we share the same physical body–I know it and I know how to stimulate.

If I want to have anal sex, does that mean I have to have a gay male do it . No, So…using a dildo is not the same as having a penis inserted and with all trappings that come with it.

I spent 20 years of my life married to a man before I found the courage to come out. Not once in that time frame was I sexually satisfied. I wanted the emotional connection of loving another woman. I don’t believe, at least for me, that my relationships with women (or my ex-husband) were ever based on the solely physical aspect of sex.

Having only my ex-husband as the example, I can say that he, at least, never connected sexual contact with emotion. It was always very physical and afterward, he slept with no thought about whether or not I was satisfied. I won’t say he was a bad lover, however. We simply did not speak the same language or connect on an emotional level we both understood.

I have been with several men, and without exception, I had to imagine him as a woman to achieve any satisfaction. I am simply not attracted to men. Men are perfectly fine people, just not my cup of tea. So, to all you men out there, nothing personal against you, I just love women (in strap-ons).

I, too, came out at the age of 31, after having a miserable marriage to a man. I had known since I was very young that I was attracted to girls. I was raised Catholic, and it was drummed into me how perverse homosexuality was. I attempted to bury my desires, and follow the teachings of my elders and the church. BAD IDEA.

I could never get aroused by my husband, and turned to drugs to enable myself to have sex with him at all. Once I stopped getting high–I couldn’t make myself participate in sexual activity with him at all. It literally turned my stomach. I didn’t like anything about it–the smell, the tastes and textures were all wrong!

At 31 I experienced my first lesbian sexual liaison and I thought I had gone to heaven on a pink cloud! I have never again forced myself to have sex with a man.

SOOOOO MANY REASONS.

• I don’t like body or facial hair. Many men are hairy.
• I don’t like most mens cologne, and definitely don’t like their natural body odor.
• I like long head hair. Most men cut theirs short.
• I don’t like the idea of having someone’s organ inside of me. Something that’s fake isn’t veiny and filled with blood and sperm, and that makes all the difference.
• I’m not attracted to muscular types. This applies to women also. I like soft curves.

Bravo Ladies!! I think you said it all. Well done!!

This topic could not have come at a better time. I was born with a male body, but am female inside and definitely lesbian. I am at the start of the M to F transition period, and that is pre-hormone and pre SRS, though I now dress as female and assume a female role. Last weekend, I had my first lesbian sex (my lover was lesbian, not bisexual). Once we got to bed, I made love to her, but not with what I am still at present lumbered with in between my legs: I did it as a lesbian, and with all the gentle kissing, caressing and stroking. I know we both thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I may have had a male body, but I would say that it was my essence as a woman, and the way I looked to pleasure her that made the difference – I suspect she hardly even noticed the gender of my body.

I am a post-op trans-gender woman, well was a man an I don’t want a man inside of me either. However I have no objection of a penis shaped appendage going into me as long as another woman is putting it there

Another bravo from me!

I think you all have wielded the Cluebat very nicely.

And, Katie, I love your list

This is the first time I read comments on an article that was published here and enjoy that much..
You girls wrote amazing things , I can’t even add anything!
And Katie, the list is logical and completely true..
I really wish that Arab countries (where I live) would have people that could think the way you all do

I liked Kathy’s answer there and some of the comments.
The first thing before any physical act for a lesbian is that you are drawn to/attracted and then turned on by women not men. How you then choose to express that is determined somewhat by your biological erogenous zones and for women that includes inside the vagina – penetration. Simples.

I thought I was the only one who did not like penetration. When I first got married years ago, I had to force myself to enjoy sex. I was glad when my husband became impotent and we stopped having sex. He had heart problems so he could not take Viagra or anything like that. I realized that I loved women, I loved their soft curves, I loved everything about them. I was repressing this part of me because the church I went to said that homosexuality is wrong. I gave that up and came out and am so glad that I did.

Most men seriously equate “attraction & desire” to their dick (as this (common) question shows)….ugh…how sad is that? Having been married to a man, I really can say that with a bit of authority. Didn’t start out that way, but became that as time passed. It seems that many str8 men, when courting, say & do whatever they must to “get” the woman. Afterwards, it’s back to their “all about me & my dick”.

Greengirl- you’re lovely to say what you have- & I do understand that it’s best to move along, for your own good, & to not generalize. However many, if not most, generalizations do have an element of truth in them. I do not hate men- in fact, I think they make great friends…but this mentality from men about lesbians is typical- men cannot fathom that they are not the centre of every woman’s universe simply by virtue of their penis.

I’m glad some women who have had sexual intercourse with men responded. I’ve never had sexual intercourse with a man because I am not sexually attracted to men which means men do not turn me on sexually. I’m not interested in holding hands with them, looking into their eyes, or cuddling them – you know the things that can lead up to wanting to have sex with someone. The above things mentioned I can do with a man but not on a romantic feelings kind of way. Since I can’t feel them then there is no point in me having sex with a man.

wow!!! i really cant beleave its the same way that i think…. i really used to wonder am i the onlyone who dont like men in bed??? but see its more than me… yes for lesbians its a big difference it does matter whom are we with though didlo keeps reminding us about mens but the other factors that a lesbian would strictly regect would be deffinately there presence in bed and all there physical and pychological elements….. because lesbians strictly means…… women and women infact its women and only women….
but the awefull thing is i hardly find people of same thoughts in an orthodox country like india……..

I am also MtF. I always loved women, before and during my transition. I cannot simply stand the thought of what I need from a man because it wont be there. I need an emotional attachment, I need reciprocation, I need afterplay even more than I need foreplay ( Hint to guys – breasts are TENDER !)

Most of all, I have to know my partner isnt constantly comparing me to someone else,or asking me to be something I cannot be. And from the few times I have tried, men are incapable of that type of commitment to a relationship, sexual romantic or otherwise. And I cannot endure a one-night stand. My heart wont co operate. I can go a very long time without sex easily. (years, easily, My body does not rule my heart) And most of all, I need a partner who can understand MY need for contact, assurance and mutual respect and love. As I understand HER needs as well.

I am not hating on you men, I am simply explaining why, as a woman, I cannot stomach the thought of sex with a male. And bless you males who are our allies.

As they shout on The Jerry Spinger Show:

“WE LOVE LESBIANS! WE LOVE LESBIANS!! WE LOVE LESBIANS!!!”

Thank you.

H.

I like that Kathy chose to answer the question, that Chuck had the balls to ask it and the answer in general. It is something that’s hard to understand unless you’re in the club.

Chuck “had the balls to ask” but Chuck doesn’t seem to know that it takes more than an erection to please a woman. No man can sexually please me, even if he wore a mask over his face and used a sex toy, which I don’t care much for anyway.

I don’t see why it is so hard to understand unless a man is inexperienced in sexual matters. The answer should be obvious – a sex toy is not a man no matter the shape. There have been numerous post where lesbians have said very specifically that we are not sexually attracted to men. Unless sexually attracted to someone then why have sex unless just to have sex but then it just comes back to why have sex with a man if you can’t feel him before touching and while touching? Might as well sex yourself with your own hand or with a sex toy while thinking about a hot woman. HA!

you stolen my words kynthia alice, but i m glad all lesbians share a similar thought process. i competely agree with kynthia alice lesbians are very much into emotional attachment than being physically rough. i have never like a man on bed because of his beating habbit and most of them have been seen doing this even in porn.
where as when we lesbians have sex its as soft as we are.

there are many reasons which are mine personally i like the smell of a woman the touch the curve the shape of her face her warmth her smile her laugh her TASTE MEANING her body her femminne side breast hips lips hair skin toes delicate parts of her body and i personally dont see it a problem if my lady wants to use a dildo on me because i know its my lady and not a man that i am smelling seein hearin touching me its a woman who is wearing a plastic rubber silicone whatever it is made from who wants to bed me and when it finish its washed dried and put in the box and i still have a soft sexy woman lyin next to me

As a transsexual woman who identifies as a Lesbian, I can only agree with Jesee and Odette.

I am in a relationship with another transwoman, and I have no problem with us having a penis each, but we both see each other only as women. Not men, we just have really big clitori (?). It’s not ideal, but until it is changed, we’ll cope.

The questioner might as well try and answer why he doesn’t want to have sex with men? I mean, you’d both have a pretty good idea of what you like, seems logical to me. It’s a case of Sexual Orientation is just what it is.

Karen.

I like all comments.important factors that were raisd like’coming out’and ‘exceptance’.i too came out,and belive me it was hell.Today im happy and im enjoying life.I grew up in an abusive home where dad hits mom,that changed my thoughts from being str8 to wanting a woman in my life.God will be my judge,christains find it easy to preach the bible but yet leading a sinfull life.nothing against Men,just how i feel deep inside.No male can fullfill my needs and desires.