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Kathy Belge

Coming Out and Crushed on Younger Woman

By December 27, 2012

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college class"Stuck" is 27-years-old and works on a college campus. She's the single mom to two kids and although she's never had a relationship with a woman, she's pretty sure she's a lesbian. She hasn't told any of her friends, but she's started to get crushed out on a younger woman at her college. What should she do?

Ruth Elkin

December 28, 2012 at 4:14 am
(1) akid says:

Maybe when she was younger and figured she was a lesbian, she should have thought about it before having not one but two kids. For those of us who went through all the torment of coming out when we were younger ,we(and I do not speak alone) are tired of your crying now that you have led a fake life while trying to fit in and hurting people along the way. No not everyone feels this way, but many lesbians do.

January 2, 2013 at 3:20 pm
(2) Jaynie says:

Wow!! That’s a bit harsh!!
Lets head back to the 80′s where it wasn’t easy to come out and many lesbians remained in the closet due to gay hate!!
I’m ex Navy, a lesbian and back in those days, we all had trophy boyfriends, usually gay to live a charade but hey if you were gay you were kicked out so hey sorry, it isn’t that simple sweetheart.

Many women do go through the motions of husbands and kids as the peer pressure is too great and eventually the lie tears them apart inside and it is at that point they come out.

In a perfect world, we would all be true blue lesbians but it isn’t a perfect world.

I don’t have kids myself but I do have a gorgeous girl friend and we have friends who have been married. Where is the milk of human kindness and acceptance? Diversity is not judging and accepting people irrespective of race, sexuality or religious belief is it not?

Girls coming out and breaking away from the mould should be supported and not castigated!!

Be true to yourself ladies who have been in relationships with guys.
Those of you who haven’t, lets be a bit supportive of our sisters!!

Insensitivity is somewhat of a male trait and not that of a female soul!

January 2, 2013 at 5:51 pm
(3) akid says:

ha I am talking about the 80′s. High school was not fun, but I stuck it out and stayed true to myself. I wasnt referring to hurting of lesbians, I was referring to all the male hearts she probably broke including the father of her children. Yes indeed be supportive but do not forget who got you there. The unselfish ones who took all the grief for you.

January 3, 2013 at 11:02 am
(4) hosie0424 says:

It is harsh akid to assume she knew anything when she was younger. Some people have a fluid sexuality that can be compared to bi or pansexuals.

I was married and attempted to have children with a man who was my best friend, I could never see myself married to any other man, period. And as far as the broken heart many times we have more guilt and shame for not being true to ourselves. In my case we both were pretty big heart breakers.

Unless you walked in her shoes I think it is wrong that you judged her that way. Everyone needs support, not someone trying to make them feel worse.

As for “Stuck” I say take your time you do not have to rush anything, after all you have kids to ensure safety to first (not saying they are a bad person), and make sure it is the right person to introduce them to! Have fun!

January 3, 2013 at 11:42 am
(5) Stuck says:

I hardley dated in high school and am divorced from the father of my children. We didnt split up for my thinking i am gay. And thank you very much for those who backed me on my decison. I agree it is a big age difference and yes i am aware of my two children. Im sorry that i didnt go through the same pain and hatred that some went through as a child. But see now i have more to worry about than wether or not my friends like me. I dont regret that i didnt come out as a child. I would not have my children that i love very much. Do try to be more accpeting, isnt that why we are here? For help and understanding.

January 3, 2013 at 12:47 pm
(6) jankelsma says:

Stuck – I hope you follow your heart and do what feels best for you at this time. If you are finding yourself attracted to younger, older or women the same age as you are go and take the plunge and see what happens.
I also have two wonderful children as I tried to find the right relationship for me. I look back now and see that I was always attracted to certain women but had been ‘groomed’ to be in a straight relationship. I was even older than you when I started doing thing for me and not what the rest of my world wanted for me.
Just because some people always knew and followed what their sexually is shouldn’t damper your quest to find someone who will accept who you are RIGHT now and your kids into their lives.

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