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Kathy Belge

How to Make Her Fall in Love with You

By May 31, 2013

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best friendsIs it possible to make someone fall in love with you? If you're in a relationship with someone who is hesitant to jump fully in, can you do anything to help her make the leap? That's the question I received today from someone who fell in love with her best friend. She thinks her friend is not ready to fully fall in because of family issues and internalized homophobia. I wonder if something else may be going on.

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Comments
June 6, 2013 at 11:54 am
(1) Amy says:

Hello –

I’ve never done this before! (Comment on this site…)

Apologies – but I can’t stay silent on this one (I’m the one that that glances at the headlines and mutters, “whatever.”). Please understand, this is coming from a place of genuine interest, empathy and compassion.

You can NOT make someone love you (or like or care about you for that matter). That implies you are attempting to fundamentally alter that person; once changed (and think about this), this is no longer the person you’ve fallen in love with (much like Theseus’ ship or Heraclitus’ river) You *must* be secure with and have respect for yourself and others before you can even entertain the idea of entering into a healthy, equal relationship. (Please notice I didn’t say say, “love yourself,” as so many people tend to have a distorted view of what that actually means.)

Feelings are capricious, especially when your situation is less that ideal (humans are social beings; we crave the feeling of identifying with another). Reconsider your ethics; yes, she was separated from her husband, but was she truly available? Is that something with which you’re comfortable? Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying you’re wrong and you’re feelings aren’t real (only you can validate yourself and emotions – no one else is necessary to do this) – two to tango and all that.

I’m not a troll – I am a Lesbian and I am truly attempting to give the benefit of my experience (you asked… I’m commenting…). I am also not a therapist, psychiatrist, social worker or any other form of social or behavioral scientist. I’m an extreme introvert and lowly little micro geek that loves her dogs, cats, familial unit, and sci-fi (okay, I don’t love sci-fi, because unless you have a paraphilia, you really can’t love inanimate objects – but I really like and appreciate it). I’m really just trying to impart what I’ve learned – consider it or sh*t on it – it’s not something I would take remotely personally.

Best of wishes…

June 7, 2013 at 7:42 am
(2) Richard says:

Recently I have been trying to get 2 women Inga & Brenda to consumate their relationship. Brenda is somewhat hesitant because of her Catholic upbringing while Inga is hesitant about how far she should go in expressing her feelings. A few years back they had a falling out. However I assisted Inga in reconciling with Brenda. I have by placing a Valentines Day ad on behalf of Inga addressed to Brenda endeavoured to ignite their relationship. When I did this the lady who processed my request to place this ad complimented me on my gesture. Hopefully they can soon both rather than dancing around the issue shed their inhibitions by starting with a long passionate kiss & cuddle. As somebody said to me Love is a many splendid thing. Its funny though at one stage Inga though I was competing against her for Brenda’s affections and she knew that I had taken a grown up attitude when I did not demur when she told me she shared her bed with Brenda.

Ciao,
Richard

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