Ani and Steve met at a community radio station where they each hosted radio programs. Ani, 37 had identified as queer since high school. She was president of the women’s union in college and co-founder of the lesbian alliance. Yet, she found herself falling in love with Steve. She was confused.
Many of her lesbian friends had a hard time accepting that she was seeing a man. Although Ani struggled with her identity, she knew that she and Steve had a connection that she could not deny.
Together, the two spent many hours talking about gender. “I’m a radical feminist,” she says. “Studying gender and thinking gender has always been fascinating to me. I was really happy that I had this partner that was into thinking about gender at a real deep level with me.” As their relationship deepened, Ani began to see signs of gender questioning in Steve.
Although Steve had told Ani that he occasionally cross-dressed, about two years into the relationship, he started to do it more often. Ani started to think that Steve might be transsexual and introduced him to a trans woman that she knew. Eventually Steve came out as Theresa.
For Ani, Steve’s transition to Theresa was a relief. “I could go back to being dyke-identified,” she says.
