Instead I let my coach kick me out of BBU. He didn't kick me out because of that meeting, but after the meeting I was very depressed. At practice later that night I was crying the whole practice and my teammates didn't understand what was wrong with me. I confided in one of them but that was it. After practice that night, I was even more depressed than ever. I missed a few classes and was out past curfew staying with my girlfriend at night for comfort.
The situation only spiced up more. I admitted to my coach that I missed a few classes a few days later and told him I had been depressed from the incident. He just said that I needed to go to counseling. Let me tell you though, he actually thought he was my counselor in that meeting we had because he told me that I was a beautiful girl and that I shouldn't blame my mom and dad's divorce on wanting to be with girls because I saw how my dad treated my mom which it had nothing to do with it even. I'm gay, because that's me, not because of my mom and dad's divorce.
He also told me that all he wanted to see me bring back to BBU one day was a family with a husband and kids. Can you believe that? Not a Final Four appearance, not even an ACC championship. A husband with kids! Wow, everything that he didn't understand about gay people! He tried to give out his analysis himself, which I got tired of listening too.
Well, the night after I told him I missed a few classes, the coaches planned to check curfew but to specifically catch me. One of my assistant coaches was waiting outside at 6am waiting for me to come in that morning. I was staying with my girlfriend at night, and then leaving really early to get back in time for class or practice.
When I pulled up to my apartment and he was waiting for me, I thought to myself, this place just isn't meant to be for me. I went off on the coach and told him that this was ridiculous. Although, I still managed to show up for practice but was released by my head coach right before I was going into practice because he found out I was gay, missed class, and was out passed curfew. He said that was 3 strikes against me.
I regret not walking out on him to begin with when he lectured me about being gay and was all up in my business. Plus, he told me to take the profile off the computer. I didn’t have to do that, but I did.
Now I am trying to find somewhere to transfer, because basketball is my passion and I know I have to get a degree. If you hear a better lesbian/college basketball player story than this...please let me know!!!! As you can see, so far I've had a bad experience being a lesbian and trying to play college basketball. I know that I can't let anyone get to me though. I forgive those who don't understand. I forgive them for treating me the way they did.
As for being gay, thankfully now I can say that I don’t care what people think. I still cover it up a little, but I’m more open than I’ve ever been.
Are you in a similar situation as Lori? Are you a lesbian basketball player afraid to come out at your college or high school? The National Center for Lesbian Rights can help. The NCLR Sports Project helps lesbians athletes know their rights, helps them make decisions about their future or can assist in legal action, if necessary. Find out more about the National Center for Lesbian Rights Sports Project.
End Note: Lori's story was written in 2004. She has since transferred to another university where she is playing basketball. The coach at her old school no longer works there. He was let go, not because of his homophobia or treatment of players, but because of the team's win-loss record. In an ironic twist, Lori wrote to tell me she believes the new coach at BBU is a lesbian, although she is not "out."
