Updated October 21, 2012
How does a lesbian initiate sex with her partner? When a couple is in a long term relationship, the moments where you both look into each other’s eyes, drop everything and immediately reach for each other with lust and passion become less frequent. Your sex life, which was once adventurous and spontaneous can fall to the wayside if you let it. It’s important to consciously work to keep sex alive in a relationship.
One of the biggest problems lesbians complain about is the lack of sex in their relationships. Often one partner wants sex more often, or she feels like she’s the one to always initiate. She would love it if her partner came on to her every once in a while. Learning to initiate sex can help get the sparks going again.
Another scenario is the newly out lesbian who is used to dating men. Often times men are the ones to initiate sex, so you don’t have a lot of confidence about how to go about it.
So, how do you let your partner know that you’re interested in love-making? How do you initiate sex? There’s no right way or easy answer but here are some suggestions that might get you started:
Let Go of Expectations
One of the biggest barriers to having a healthy sex life is letting go of how things “should be.” In the movies or in romance novels, sex “just happens.” But that’s not realistic, especially when we get busy with our lives, our work, childcare and other obligations. If you’ve been waiting for sex to just happen and it hasn’t, then it’s time to try a different approach.
Make a Move
Sometimes the first move
is all it takes. Some studies have shown that, unlike men who can get in the mood at the mention of anything sexy, some women don’t get turned on until they actually start getting intimate
with their partner. So even though you might not feel particularly like having sex at the moment, once you start making out and touching your lover’s body, your hormones might kick in and get you both in the mood.
Find Your Inner Sexy
There are plenty of romantic things
you can do to set the mood for you and your sweetie. You can light candles, play sexy music, run a bath
or cook a favorite meal. You can buy sexy lingerie, watch porn
, start a role play or pull out your sex toys. These are all great ideas, but they may or may not work for you and your lover. Maybe your way of making a move is stripping to your boxer shorts and showing off your girly muscles. Maybe you text her from the other room while you wait in the bedroom. Drop the notion that what works for others is going to work for you and try out different things. Doing the same thing over and over will get stale anyway.
Ask for Sex
The easiest way to initiate sex, is to simply ask for it. Look your partner in the eye and say, “I feel like having, sex, do you?” Although this approach may not win you any romance awards, it’s direct and to the point. She can either say she’s into it, or not. Hey, she might say, “I thought you’d never ask!”
Talk about It
If your partner is complaining that she always initiates and you don’t, then this could be a relationship issue. Try to get to the root of why you don’t initiate. Are you shy? Does it feel awkward to you to initiate sex? Are you afraid of doing something wrong or being rejected? Try to help your partner understand why you may not have made a move in the past and see what she can do to help you get past that barrier.
Keep at It
If you’ve been in a relationship with certain sexual dynamics, and you’re attempting to change them, don’t expect big changes to happen over night. You might try to something and it falls flat. Don’t be discouraged. It might be that there are other relationship issues that need to be addressed and this could be a good opportunity to deal with them. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you don’t see immediate changes. Adjust and readjust as you move along. Sometimes just thinking about what you want to do can turn the tide and boost your confidence to make a move or try something different.