Dear Laura
Thank you for writing. What a great question you pose, one that many people coming out struggle with!
First of all, I applaud you for wanting to wait for your first time to be with someone you truly love and care about. I am sure many people who did not wait, have regretted the decision.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go out and have a meaningless fling just to “prove” you are a lesbian. First of all, if you don’t care about the person, I’m sure the sex will not be that great and you won’t prove anything to yourself. You’ll probably end up feeling sleazy afterward and perhaps hurting some innocent woman’s feelings.
Why is it so important for you to make your sister believe you? Even if you do go off and sleep with another woman, chances are she isn’t going accept you. She’ll have another excuse this time. The fact is, it is sometimes hard for our family members to accept us as lesbian or bisexual. Just as it took you years to come to terms with yourself, it may take her a long time to believe and accept you as you are. Or she may never accept you.
Coming Out is Risky
You are brave to come out to the people in your life you care about. Coming out is always risky. We can’t predict how others will react. Right now you should feel fortunate that your dad has come to terms with it and your mom is coming around. Many people do not have even this.
Coming Out can happen at any Age
As for coming out at age 31, no you are not an anomaly. People come out at all ages. Don’t forget you knew at an early age, but were unable to face it at that time. But even if you didn’t have a clue until now, makes no difference. Some people come out at age 10 or younger, some in the 50s, 60s and even older.
Yes! Go to the GLBT community center. Find out if there is a coming out group. Get involved! Find a group or activity that appeals to you. You will be welcomed there, even if you are questioning your sexuality. Although you might meet people who seem out and proud and confident, remember everyone had to come out at some point. We’ve all been through this. That’s what unites us.
Good luck and congratulations for being true to yourself.
