by Wendy
In response to your question about coming out to a spouse; I guess it is dependent on the desired outcome. When I decided that after 12 years of marriage it was time to end it, my interest in women was only part of it.
First and foremost, I wanted out of that marriage. Secondly I wanted to be with women. When I told my husband the marriage was over, (not the hugest shock) I gave him a heads up that if the divorce went through, I was going to pursue my interest in women. I explained that my attraction to women had been growing, but if our marriage had been good and strong I would have enjoyed my interest and not pursued it; just as any married person can enjoy an attraction to another person, no matter what the sex, and not act on it.
The Marriage was over
But since it was pretty obvious that the marriage should be over, I just wanted him to know where I was going, etc. Four years later, I actually work with him, (not my favorite situation, but decent), he likes my partner, and we share custody of our four children with him.
It worked well for me, but I swear, I read four books on how to come out to a spouse before I ever brought up the subject, and I had heard so many horror stories that I walked on eggshells for weeks.
--Wendy, Columbus, OH
