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Confused Teen: Am I Bisexual?

Bisexual or Bi-Curious?


Dear Kathy
I’m 16 years old and I'm a junior in high school. I've always considered myself very straight and I still do. I mean, I'm still very attracted to guys and everything. But ever since the summer and now the beginning of the year, I've been having strange feelings for my best friend. I don’t feel a sexual attraction in any way, but we both have talked about it and we feel something towards each other that is beyond friendship.

I've been best friends with her for about two years now, but it’s just been in the past half year or so that things have been getting a little strange. I've been thinking about it a lot and doing some research and I'm thinking that I might possibly be bisexual. But at the same time, she is the ONLY girl that I've ever felt something towards, that goes beyond friendship.

Am I Bisexual? Is it a Girl Crush?

So I've been wondering, am I only bi-curious? Or might I actually be bisexual? Or might it be a girl crush? It's gotten very confusing for me because I don’t know what I am anymore. I have certain feelings for this friend, but like I said, she is the only girl that I've ever been attracted to in any way. Anyway, thank you again for reading, and I hope you find the time to respond. Signed,
Confused Teen

Dear Confused Teen
You are not alone. Trust me, I get several questions like this a week. What are you? Are you straight? Are you bisexual? Are you a lesbian?

The answer is I just don’t know. And this may be hard to hear, but it’s okay that you don’t know either. Many people are confused the first time they have feelings for a woman, no matter what their age is. I have heard from women in their 40s who are in your same boat. They have only ever had relationships with men, and now they’ve fallen in love with their best friend.

I think honestly, the lines of sexual orientation are not as black and white as we like to think. Many, if not most people, fall somewhere in the middle of gay and straight.

We call it sexual orientation, but really, it’s about so much more than who we’re sexually attracted to. It’s about who we’re emotionally drawn to, who we see ourselves spending our lives with, and yes, whom we’re sexually attracted to as well.

Just take it easy. There’s no need to put a label on yourself. Enjoy your relationship with this one girl and if that’s the only girl you ever feel this way about, that’s okay. If you end up getting crushes on women and men your whole life, you might choose to call yourself bisexual, or not. To some people labels can seem limiting. To others they are freeing. Use them as you choose.

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