I know I am a lesbian, but I have not been with anyone yet. I was talking to a friend of mine and I was telling her how I can't wait to be loved by a woman, and how I really can't wait too be kissed all over, but I don't like things inside me. Is that weird of me?
Dear Newly Out Lesbian,
Coming out is an exciting time. You’re discovering yourself and that you like women. You’re also discovering what you like and don’t like sexually. Everyone has their own preferences and there is nothing wrong or weird about you.Some women love the feel of things inside their vagina and others don’t like penetration at all. There are so many different ways to experience lesbian sex. Once you actually do have a sexual partner and aren’t just relying on your fantasies, you might find that you’re interested in different things than you first thought when you were coming out. You might feel differently if you meet a partner who you love and trust. People may not like one sexual activity with one person, but may find they enjoy it with someone different.
I don’t know your sexual history, but if you’ve been with men in the past, you might find that things you didn’t enjoy with men, you might like doing with women. You talk about wanting to kiss with another woman and that’s great. Kissing is certainly one thing that lesbians do. You may discover, as time goes by and you get more comfortable with your sexuality, that you want to experiment and try different and new things. You might not at this point be interested at all in sex toys, but sometime down the road you may or may not want to introduce them into your sex life.
Also keep in mind that what people like sexually sometimes changes over the course of their lifetime. The kind of sex that excited you and turned you on in your twenties may be very different that what you find you like when you’re in your forties. Or it might be exactly the same. You really can’t know at this point.
Don't worry about being weird or different. Each person is a unique individual. Everyone has different sexual interests and attractions. Just like some people like sports and others are into knitting, you will find some people like one kind of sex and others like it different. No one is right or wrong, just different. Hopefully you will find someone who loves you for you--with all your quirks and foibles. Hopefully you will find someone who can help you discover your sexuality in a safe and supportive environment.
