How to Meet Lesbians in a Small or Conservative Town

Lesbian in Little Rock

Dear Lesbian Life:

I have been reading your articles online but I have not come to the conclusion yet if I am a lesbian. I've not experienced being with women though I love their bodies and can't imagine doing it with a man again. I have had two dates with two different women but nothing developed. I don't want to do internet dating again.

How do I meet her?

I have started wearing a six-color stone ring hoping it might draw attention without being obvious. I haven't come out to everyone yet (like my family). I have been listening to OutQ on Sirius Radio try to educate myself. I don't think there is a center in the city I live in (Little Rock, AR.) I know that if I could start being with women who are lesbian or talk with them, I would feel more comfortable. I have gay men friends who encourage me but it's different. Any suggestions?
Sally in Little Rock

Dear Sally,

Being gay or lesbian in a small or conservative town is hard! Especially when you are just coming out, it can be difficult to know where to meet other people. But the good news is that small town lesbians are also pretty tight. So once you make a few friends, you will most likely be introduced to others. The question is, how to crack into the clique.

Break into the Rainbow Crowd

Even in conservative places, gays and lesbians find ways to find each other and to thrive. A rainbow ring is a great start, but you need to be a little more proactive.

Putting yourself on the internet was a great idea. The web is such a good resource for gays and lesbians in places where there are no obvious centers. It sounds like you met a few women and you didn’t find romance with them, but what about friendship? Would either of these women be willing to hang out with you and share with you a bit about the community? Where do the lesbians hang out on Saturday night? Is there a gay bar in town that women flock to on a certain night of the week? A softball team that all the gay girls follow? A poker night at someone’s house you could get invited to?

Even in larger cities, the lesbian community can be small, so if things don’t work out with someone you are dating, try to stay on polite or friendly terms. You don’t want to turn all their friends and acquaintances against you.

Put Your Personal Ad Back Up

Consider putting your ad back up, but this time say that you’re only looking for friends. Be honest that you’re just coming out and looking for community. Don’t be so worried about meeting “her” just yet. Instead focus on learning about yourself and what being a lesbian is all about.

Utilize Your Network

Ask people to introduce you around. Even if those gay guys don’t have a single friend to hook you up with, but maybe they know a nice lesbian couple ready to take you under their wing and show you the ropes. Or they can ask their gay guy friends about lesbian events in town that might be of interest to you.

When You’re Ready to Date

Don’t give up on internet dating because after two tries it didn’t work out. Meeting someone online takes patience. You probably will have to go on a lot of dates until you find someone you really click with. But instead of looking at those as failed romances, look at them as potential new friends. Also, check out these GLBT resources from the About.com Guide to Little Rock.