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I Am Attracted to a Married Woman - But I Don't Know if She's Flirting with Me

Crush on Married Woman

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Hi, my name is Ericka. I am 24 years old and I have been married and divorced and now have a three-year-old daughter. I have a girl in my aerobics class who is always giving me a "look" and just looking at her one could get a lesbian or bi-sexual vibe from her.

Turns out she is married but no kids. We have hung out a couple of times and she makes points to get close to me when we are together, like leaning into me or being really close to my face when we talk. One of our first outings was to Victoria's Secret and I playfully asked her to join me in the dressing room.... she ran in the room without hesitation.

She is Happily Married

But before this visit she had told me she was happily married to her husband but she never talks about him and seems to be sending me mixed signals, although I have never been put in this situation and I find myself attracted to this girl.

Recently, we went to my dad’s house and sat in his hot tub. When we were finished she invited me into the bathroom with her so we could change our clothes together. She got completely naked in front of me and stayed that way for about ten minutes and she watched me get undressed as well. I have made playful comments to her about going to an adult toy store together and picking a few things out and she has not told me no. She laughed.

She has also invited me to go camping with her, just her, since her husband doesn't like to. She has made comments about how nice my body is and how she likes my curves. I have never been with another girl but I have kissed one. I enjoyed it and have wanted to try more.

She Seems to be the One

This girl in my aerobics class seems to be the one, but I don't want to make any moves to scare her away because of her husband. But she keeps looking at me in these ways that say so much more than "hi."

My sister is a lesbian and I have asked her for advice but she just tells me that the girl wants me, but for me to play it out. I have someone else telling me that I should just go for it and tell her that I've wanted to kiss her and that I'm attracted to her.

There have been other events and occasions that have happened with her, but I don't know what to do because I have never been in this situation. I feel attracted to her. Please help me and tell me what this means and what I should do.

Dear Ericka,

Wow, it seems this girl is really playing games with you. Yes, she is definitely is flirting with you. But she is married. That’s where my red flags go up.

You may be intrigued, attracted and captivated by this girl, but you are setting yourself and her husband up for lots of heartache if you pursue this. My suggestion to you is that you have a heart-to-heart with this friend and pronto.

I never advise anyone to get involved with someone who is in a committed relationship with someone else--whether that person be a man or a woman. Do you want to be someone’s affair? Do you want to be the cause of someone else’s pain?

Talk with Your Crush

It’s time for one of you to talk. Since she is only hinting around at the idea, it’s up to you. Come flat out and ask her if she is flirting with you. Or simply tell her that you are attracted to her. You need to get this out in the open. I would hate for you to have a kiss or other encounter without first discussing what this might mean for the both of you.

What Does this Mean for Her?

Since you are the single one and she is in a relationship, you are the one who stand to get hurt the most. She might just be interested in some fun flirtation and perhaps some fooling around. For you, it’s more likely your heart will be involved. It’s time to have “The Talk.” She might not be ready to come clean about what has been happening, but you deserve honesty right now. Ask her flat out if she is interested in you. What are her intentions? What about her husband? Does he know? Does he give his blessing? If their relationship is an open one, then at least you are going into this with your eyes wide open.

What Her Husband Does Not Know

The other more likely scenario is that she is going after you without her husband’s knowledge or consent. She wants to have a little bit of fun and excitement on the side. This concerns me, and I hope it does you too.

I realize that many women come out when married. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with exploring your sexuality, but it needs to be done with integrity. All parties need to be open and honest with each other. This is easier said than done. You can start this conversation, but it’s up to her where things will go. Best of luck to you.

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