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Could I Be a Lesbian?

No Desire for Men, Could I be a Lesbian?


Dear Lesbian Life:
I am a 33-year-old single mom. I have been married and divorced twice.
I have absolutely NO DESIRE to date a man anymore. I live in a small town, with narrow-minded family members. I don't know if I am a lesbian or not, but I do feel much more comfy with women. I love to be hugged or just touched by women. Men make my skin crawl. I love the intimacy that women have.

I am really confused and do not feel like I can talk to ANYONE about this. I am sad and lonely. Do you think I could be a lesbian or just a woman hurt one too many times by a man? I do not want to be alone the rest of my life BUT I don't really want to be with another man.
Daring to Date Women

Dear Daring:

What makes someone a lesbian? Being a lesbian is more than having a repulsion for men. It's having a desire for women. And not just hugging and hand holding.

Being a lesbian means you have a sexual desire for women. It means you see yourself in an intimate relationship with women. A lesbian relationship is not two women who are fed up with men and so, decide to spend their lives together, raising children and having long talks over coffee. Certainly there are women who do choose to live together, so they are not alone, but I don't think I would call them lesbians.

In order to be a lesbian, you must be turned on by women. Or at least one woman. You should have the ability to fall in love with another woman. Being a lesbian means you have the desire to share a romantic and/or sexual relationship with another woman.

Since you seem to be questioning whether or not you are a lesbian, I suggest you think about the idea of going on a date with a woman. Imagine one of the dates you went on with a man. Picture yourself with a woman in the same situation. Can you see yourself having the same kinds of feeling you had for a man in that situation? Can you look into her eyes and feel desire? Longing? Lust? Can you imagine having the same kind of anticipation of what might come out of the date?

If so, then I suggest you sign up for a dating service, go on a few dates with some women and see how it goes. Just remember, dating women comes with the some of the same issues and situations as dating men. Women aren't perfect. Trust me, we can create just as much, if not more, drama than straight couples.

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