I'm having a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’m 17. I think I like a girl so I was wondering if you could describe anything that might make it easier to know. Also, can you give me anything to look for as signs that she may like me. We both date boys and I am very fond of them sexually but I have an emotional connection to her.
Lets call her Sarah. All the time she gets closer to me, comes up and cuddles me when I'm with my friends and holds hands with me. But it’s not the same as hugging and holding hands with my other girl friends. When she holds hands with me she always uses her thumb to caress my hand. And she is always kissing me on the cheek and sitting next to me every opportunity we have together and when we are sitting next to each other she always has her hand on my leg just above my knee.
I’m so confused, right now I'm in the most crucial part of exams at my school and all I can do is think about her. Do you think I should talk to her about it. The other day she brought up that a teacher asked if we were together and that the teacher said we have a weird relationship and she looked at me and smiled just dodged the whole thing though because I was embarrassed. She is coming to stay a night with me and some friends and no parents on my house on a local island. Any advice you can give would be great.
Thank you,
Charlie
Dear Charlie
There really is no way to know unless you ask her. The weird thing is, she may not even know herself. At least that’s how it happened for me. I had a best friend that I was very close to. I was physically close with many of my friends, but this one was special. We spent all our time together, sat next to one another, talked all the time on the phone. One day, I just realized I was in love with her. It wasn’t a sexual attraction at first, more just emotional.
After many months of torturing myself, I finally talked to her about it. I basically said to her what you're saying to me. "Have you ever questioned your sexuality?" I asked her. It turns out that she didn’t feel the same way towards me, but in the long run it was good, because I learned a lot about myself. Even if it was hard at the time.
That's what coming out is all about. You will find many women who have been in similar situations to you.
Women Fall in Love with Their Best Friends
They have a best friend who they feel really close to. Then one day, they realize, the feelings they have go beyond that of just a regular friendship. Maybe it's a sexual attraction. Maybe it's just that they realize they would rather be with this one person more than anyone else in the world.But what is it? Are you a lesbian? Are you bisexual? Is it just a girl crush? Do you just happen to have feelings for this one person? Those are all the things you will have to sort out over time.
The important thing is to have someone to talk to about it. Do you want to bring it up with her? It sounds like maybe she was trying to bring it up with you when she mentioned the comment about the teacher.
It's scary, but it sounds like it might be time for you two to talk. Check out these articles about talking to your friends about being gay.
- How do I tell my friend I have a crush on her without losing her friendship?
- How to talk to your friends about being gay?
Also, if you have a school counselor, an open minded parent or another friend who is lesbian, bi or gay-friendly, they would be good to talk to also. And don’t forget to check out the Lesbian Life Forum. You will meet many women, young and old, who are going through what you’re going through.
Best of luck to you!
