I'm a freshman in high school, and I believe myself to be bisexual. People say it's a phase and I'll get over it. I don't believe them. I came out as a bisexual in the 7th grade. Now I think I'm a lesbian. I think. Strangely I'm not completely physically attracted to men. Like below their belt doesn't interest me. Is it because I'm too young? I'm attracted to women both physically and emotionally. But only emotionally towards men. In my past men were the controllers and they scared me. In third grade was when I first started finding a slight interest in girls. I was afraid at first. I ignored it until I met someone in 7th grade. Which I mentioned before was when I came out. I just don't know what to do. Also considering at this time I'm dating a boy. I honestly don't know what to do at the moment...
Dear Thinking,
I get letters like yours every day. Many teens like you (and adults too!) question their sexuality. My message to you is the same as I would give to them. Just try to relax. Sexuality is fluid. It can change over a lifetime. If you enjoy the boy you are with, then stay with him. If you decide you only want to date girls, then make the move and break up with him. But try not to stress yourself out about this question. It takes time to figure it out. One day at a time. Tell yourself, "For today, I am ________(fill in the blank.)" Tomorrow when you wake up, do the same thing.There is no need at your age, or at any age really, to define yourself for life. For some people, they know and they are sure from an early age who they are and who they love. For others, it takes time to figure that out. Some women come out as lesbian and then years later go back to men. Other times, women happily partner with men for years and then come out as lesbian. Some people identify as bisexual as teens and then realize later that they're really lesbian. Or really straight. Or really bi after all.
Every one is different. You are a unique person and how you define yourself may be unique too. Some people prefer the term queer because they know they are not "straight" but don't quite fit into one of the other boxes either. Maybe this label will work better for you?
