I came "out" to my husband at the age of 40, after 15 years of marriage. We have two little boys. My feelings didn't become strong for a woman until two years ago when I fell for my best friend. Isn't that how it always happens? However, I discovered through therapy that my first crush was for a girl when I was seven years old. But, then after that, the thought of "girls" never entered my mind, until two years ago. Although, I do admit, I had a few lesbian dreams throughout my married life.
My husband was supportive of me
My husband was not surprised when I told him that I might be bi or gay because of my background. My father is gay and my sister is gay. Besides that, he noticed how overly emotional I would become when my best friend did not call or keep a commitment with me. And, being the supportive husband that he was, he told me right away, that I needed to go out and find out for myself if I was truly bi or gay.
I attend a lesbian support groupSo, while still living at home, I attended lesbian support groups in my area, and attended regular therapy to figure out my identity, my marriage, and my attraction for woman. And, because I like to go out night clubbing, I started venturing out to gay clubs on Saturday nights to experience the gay lifestyle.
My husband was very supportive during this whole time, and he took care of our boys while I was out. We both had the kids in our best interest, so we took things slow and did not rush into anything life-changing. As my journey continued, I came to realize that I really enjoyed the compassion and the sensuality of a woman. I have to say, I have never experienced with a man, the passion, excitement, and affection that I do for a woman. Being with a woman was much more intense.
I realize I am a LesbianSo, after a year and a half of exploring, I finally came to the conclusion that I am truly a lesbian. However, my husband still chooses to stay together for the children. I still try to continue pleasing my husband sexually from time to time although he knows I am not into it. As a result, he told me that he needs passion too, and he is beginning to feel lonely, and desperate for love.
So, out of fairness, I posted a profile for him on a dating site to meet other woman. I still don't know how I am going to feel about this since he will be dating 'other' woman. I am dating woman as well and he doesn't feel threatened by that, understandably so. But, for me to see him with another woman will be much more emotional for me. So, if you have been in this situation, or have a comment about this next stage, please let me know.
Open Communication is the KeyIn the mean time, we are trying to stay together and satisfy each other's needs until it's no longer possible emotionally or until we meet a significant other. We always keep our communication open so that we know where each other's stands. We have always respected each other's feelings so that is why it's still working. But, we are mainly together because of the kids and to keep the stability in the family. And, we get along so well that we figure why fix something that is not completely broken. But, we are prepared for that day when I will tell my boys about my orientation and that I will have to move on. But, because my husband I care about each other so much and we get along so well, it should be a fairly smooth transition.
I know this story might be an unusual one, but if you and your spouse have children and are still getting along, including open communication, something can be worked out where you can both be happy about. It's possible...we are living proof.
Christina, Woodland, CA