1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

For Chelsea is Does Get Better

Lesbian Teen in Rural Texas and Alabama


By Chelsea G.

When I was younger, I was always a huge tomboy. I was never with all the other little girls my age, playing house or planning out my "dream wedding". If you saw me, I was outside playing football in the mud, or riding bikes with all the little boys my age. Seeing me take part in this made everyone think it was a phase; they thought I would grow into the make up and dressing in tight little clothes. Even now at the age of seventeen, I’m still just "one of the guys". I never was attracted to guys, but I will admit I had a few little experimental boyfriends, but none of them worked for me as a physical relationship. I always saw myself better off as friends with them.

Eventually, I started thinking, what is wrong with me? Why am I so different from all the other girls? Why do I dress like this? Always afraid of what my family and friends would think, I could never talk to anyone about it. Eventually my secret caught up with me. In junior high I was called a lesbo, queer, dyke, or my favorite, C.W.D, also known as"chick with a dick". I didn’t know what to do and I wanted people to think I was just like all the other girls my age. Every once in a while I would catch my self dressing "girlie", but it just wasn't me. I thought maybe it would help if I just shrugged it off, but honestly deep down inside, I really did care.

Junior high fades away and now high school approaches. I thought going into high school would let me avoid the people who constantly talked and spread rumors about me. So, I walk into my first high school class and I hear, "Wutsup Chelsea, find you any good dykes this summer?" My heart stopped but all I could do was ignore it. I stop and debate with myself. Can I tell my friends about the thoughts that I have had going through my mind all summer? Can I tell them about all the tears I’ve cried trying to find myself? Then I thought I might have found my answer; I can’t.

Small Texas Town Lesbian

I came from a close minded little Texas town in the middle of nowhere. Growing up, I was always taught that being gay was wrong. That anyone who was like that that was going to hell. I never really got taught even the basics of understanding homosexuality, so I kept my mouth shut. The beginning of my high school career had become a living hell in itself. I couldn’t make friends because everyone always seemed to be talking about me. I was paranoid, depressed and worst of all, I was scared.

Soon after I recognized my enjoyment of writing, I wrote everything down. Thoughts, ideas, things I would hear people say, just random things. It seemed to clear my mind, but I knew something was too good to be true. One day during my freshman year a bunch of seniors had thought it would be cool to take my notebook; my journal; my life. They all wrote all over it, writing little comments and pasting the word "dyke" all over my poems. My only feeling was that I wanted to die. I could just imagine crawling into my corner and never coming out of it again . Then, of course, all the names came back. I did all I could to cover it up. I dated a few guys, I went and hung out with more guys, but then they started trying stuff with me and as much as I wanted to hide it, I didn't see how letting someone take advantage of me was worth it.

Chelsea Comes out to Her Best Friend

I eventually came out to my best friend. I was scared to death but I had to tell someone about these thoughts i was having. Sooner or later it all started falling into place. I knew it was how I was meant to be. It all seemed so clear; I was attracted to women. I had always been attracted to them, but now I could say it without all of my insecurities. As soon as I came to be with who I was, I met someone online and we proceeded to date.

Not to long after this turn of events I met a someone who went by an FTM at the time. I had not known what an FTM was and had no clue about homosexuality. He seemed to talk me through it all and I soon became his little "mini me". Now that I think back, I do not see how I would have gotten through any of this with out him. We have never met and I owe my world to him. I had found out all of this new information and became so fascinated by stories and gay rights. I realized there was a whole other world out there that I was so secluded to. I slowly decided to come out to close friends, and one decided to stab me in the back and tell everyone.

  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Lesbian Life
  4. Coming Out
  5. Coming Out Stories
  6. Chelsea's Coming Out - It Gets Better in Rural Texas and Alabama

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.