By now, I am sixteen years old but I have more or less known I am lesbian since I have been twelve. I have been struggling with it for three years and did very intensively try getting out with boys. I had problems accepting my own homosexuality and that caused me to be even more afraid of coming out.
The day that changed my life, was when I sent a picture to a very good friend of mine, who is an open lesbian. She followed the address of the picture; saw it was from a lesbian site and asked directly whether I was lesbian. Surprised, I confirmed. It really kitted us together and it was so positive I told some other friends of mine (but none attending my school except from that friend of mine). All reacted in a positive way and I was enthusiastic about it.
News Spreads Quickly
A week later, there was a really big party in village near ours and there were hundreds of people of my age. I drunk myself half to dead there and I hardly remember the night. When I was wandering around the place arm in arm with an also drunken girl I knew from school, a boy offered a ménage à trois to us – as a joke. The girl said she was bisexual and she would not have a problem with it. I actually cannot remember a thing but people say I outed myself as a lesbian then. An hour or two later, a girl from my class (who I used to have a crush on when I was 14) came up to me asking “Isa, you're lesbian, right?” This question actually stunned me, but from that point on I was out to my class mates and the news was spreading with incredible speed.
After a free day, school started again. I already had heard of rumors saying I was together with that friend of mine that asked me at first. We also had a math exam that day and I had promised to borrow a set square to her, so she came into our classroom to fetch it. As soon as she entered the door, all eyes were on her and there was total silence. She did not know of the rumors and just went to my desk. I grabbed the set square, took her hand and walked out with her – all in complete silence. Just as I was closing the door, I heard all voices rise again. Now, most parts of the school think we are a couple but we have no problem with that. Since we spend every break together, it would be very hard beating the rumors.
So Glad I Came Out!At that point, I really thanked heaven for having come out. The first bitter thing was at a birthday party, where I was tormented by homophobic classmates. The evening was really hard for me, but afterwards, many people (almost all straight girls, by the way) criticized them for what they did and they apologized. After all that, I am still very happy about coming out, although the looks one gets are annoying. But it will work out I am sure.
What I have to work out now is telling my parents…
Isabel, Düsseldorf, Germany