Let’s face it. As human beings, we are inclined to want straightforward definitions for things. If you admit to having a same-sex attraction, most likely, the first question somebody will ask you is “Are you gay?” You don’t have to give them a definite answer. Believe it or not, nowadays people are more accepting of the “in-between” phase, whether they understand it or not.
I spent an entire year flipping between gay, straight and bisexual. I was more concerned with defining myself to others than learning and growing from my experience. Because I was so unsure of myself and my sexuality, I shut down, refusing to have relationships with either women or men. I was too worried about making the “wrong decision” and being caught in something that I eventually wouldn’t want.
Finally I reached a point where I decided I had to just accept myself for who I was. I experienced attraction to both women and men. I had crushes on both sexes. I felt the desire to make out with my close guy friends and girl friends. Instead of worrying, I was honest with myself and with everyone else about how I felt. I just didn’t know. It had been two full years and I still didn’t know what my sexual orientation was.
Are you in the same boat as me?
I emphasize this because if the person reading this is in that same boat – it is okay. Many of us who eventually come out as gay, lesbian or bisexual go through periods of being completely unsure. These periods can last for as little as a few weeks or as long as many, many years. I have friends who were absolutely positive that they were gay, and then all of a sudden they fell in love with someone of the opposite sex. I spoke with a woman 40 years old who spent her entire life NEVER having attractions to the same sex. However, she met a lesbian coworker who rocked her world and now they are a couple and happy as can be. She has never felt so alive before in her life.
