He agreed, but then she started making excuses for why we weren’t ready to have another child. She said she couldn’t bear the thought of me being with someone else and it feels like I’ve cheated on her.
Her Brother as the Sperm Donor
We cannot afford the other alternatives for conception and she is not willing to do the “turkey baster” routine. Four months ago we decided to have a commitment ceremony and it was a really beautiful moment. I truly love her and know that I don’t want another person, but that’s not the problem.I am now thirty years old and I am battling over staying with her and convincing her to let me conceive or attempt to forget about it totally (which is hard because I see pregnant woman and babies all the time) or leave her and break up our home because now I realize that I want a baby not just for us, but for me and I don’t want to wait. Or worse we break up and I lose out because I put her wishes before mine. My question to you is how can I convince my wife to let me have a baby?
Sincerely,
My Baby or a Baby?
Dear Baby Lover,
I see several issues here that concern me. The first and most glaring is your question, "How can I convince my wife to let me have a baby?" Having a child is something that is going to affect both of you, your relationship, her relationship with her brother and the lives of the children you already have. This is a very big decision that should involve both of your wants, desires and dreams. What you’re about to embark on will change both of your lives and the lives of the children already in your family. You both need to be totally on board with this decision.The other issue is how you get pregnant. If your partner’s only concern is that you plan to have sex with her brother, then you need to open yourself up to other ways of getting pregnant. You say you cannot afford artificial insemination. If that is the case, then how are you going to afford having a baby and raising a child? Perhaps money is a concern to her.
I can completely understand her opposition to you having sex with her brother. I think you should take that option off the table. But what I don’t understand is her not wanting to do a “turkey baster” method. My guess is that she is just using that as an excuse because she doesn’t want another child. Or maybe she is having doubts about involving her brother. Again, this is something the two of you really need to discuss and get clarity on.
Legal Issues of Using Her Brother’s Sperm
Even if she isn't worried about using her brother's sperm, I am. Deborah Wald, an attorney specializing in these issues warns of the possible dangers of using a known donor. You should consult an attorney about the laws in your state before you get pregnant by someone you know.Why is Having a Baby so Important to You Right Now?
Right now it seems you are putting all the focus on your partner and why she doesn’t want another child. I would urge you to look at yourself and your life and ask yourself the question, “Why do I want another child so badly?” I know that the desire to have children is a strong one, one that we can’t often explain or rationalize. But for the sake of your relationship, it is certainly worth involving a good couples counselor to help the two of you get to the core of what’s at stake here.This is not an easy one, so I wish the best to both of you, and your family, the best of luck working through this issue. Mostly I urge you to open to your partner a bit. Instead of working so hard to convince her of your way, step back and try to understand why she feels the way she does. It is only through true communication, understanding and compassion that we are able to get through the hard times in our relationships.
