I am a 25-year-old closeted "soft stud". For some time now, I have found myself attracted to women but never acted on my feelings because I didn't want to be "outed." I'm noticing as I've gotten older that I am becoming more and more attracted to older women-their mindset, swag, and overall confidence just does something for me.
Here is my predicament. There's this older woman that teaches dance class at a local gym I attend. She is a very beautiful, sophisticated "femme" that has totally captured my interest. After her class, we went to the locker room changed into our swim gear and proceeded to the whirlpool. Once in, out of nowhere, she asks me if the woman I was talking to in class my girlfriend. Without hesitation, I kind of brushed the question off saying, no she was a former classmate of mine. Several days later, I contemplated the question she posed and began wondering, "Why would a woman ask another woman that kind of question? Was she trying to find out if I were interested in women?"
She has no inhibitions and can freely dry off in front of me. One time she was drying off, I asked her a question in which she proceeded to turn towards me still very naked to answer me. I could not help but take in all of the gorgeousness that stood before me. I inadvertently licked my lips, however as soon as I realized what I had done, I quickly looked her in her eyes to ensure that she was not uncomfortable by what I had done. Thankfully, she seemed very unharmed by my actions.
Last week, I somehow mustered the courage to ask her for her phone number giving the excuse that I wanted to ask her about something we had previously discussed. She gave me her number very freely and asked (with much excitement) what do you want to talk to me about? I responded I wanted to ask you about the contact you were trying to put me in touch with. We talked a little longer and much more closer than usually…I mean we were literally face to face (if I could I would have snuck a kiss but too many people were around).
I really want to know if she is gay or at least curious, but as I said, I am much too afraid because I don't want to be found out. So I asked a friend to send a text message to her asking if she were interested in women. Her reply was that "She was "strictly dickly." but I just can't bring myself to believe this because of her actions past and present. My friend told me not to worry about it because (1) she may not have wanted her business out there to some total stranger and (2) to just allow time to tell the true story about her sexuality and interest.
My questions to you are:
(a) Are the above mentioned (her asking if the woman I was talking to my girlfriend, always staring at me, undressing freely in front of me, and always asking my sister my whereabouts if she does not see me) subtle signs of her flirting or showing interest towards me?
(b) How do I show her that I am interested without saying "Hey I'm interested in you?
(c) What should my next step be?
I apologize in advance for the long email but I just have to know if what I'm seeing are sure signs of her interest for me or if I'm allowing my fondness for her to let my imagination run wild. Thank you in advance for your time. I look forward to reading your response to my email.
Dear Gym Crush:Yea! How exciting to have a crush like that. Crushes are fun. Enjoy it!
I don't know if she is interested or not, or even queer. But since you have her phone number, I say you ask her out for coffee. Once there, confess that you have feelings for her, but you weren't sure if she was even into women. She obviously knows you are, or she wouldn't have asked about a girlfriend.
Sounds like she is curious about you, but whether that curiosity extends to "interest", I don't know. You're going to have to be bold here and make a move. But don't do it in the locker room! It's her place of work and you don't want to put her job in jeopardy.
I know you don't want to tell her you're interested, but I don't know why. What are you afraid of? She might turn you down, but wouldn't you rather have that happen up front, then play games back and forth for months? Be bold. Be a stud. Be sweet. Be charming.
No matter what the outcome, hold your head up high and know that you did something that took a lot of guts.
Be prepared for her to tell you she is flattered, but not interested. If anything different happens, then you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Follow-Up: One Week Later:Thank you so much for reading my inquiry and responding back so quickly! The suggestions you provided were very helpful.
Wanted to share my progress with you since writing this letter. I found out through conversation that the woman I was very intrigued by is in fact "strictly dickly" and married. Oh well, you live and you learn right.