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How to Get a Second Date

Dating Tips for Lesbians

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Updated September 25, 2012
There’s an old joke: What does a lesbian bring on the second date? Answer: A U-Haul. It’s been said that lesbians move fast into relationships and there certainly is some truth to this stereotype. But if you’re serious about lesbian dating, it really takes a series of dates to get to know someone. The first date is really just about meeting the person and finding out if you have any chemistry and enough in common to determine if you want to see each other again. If you’ve had a first date with someone you met through a lesbian dating site or elsewhere, and you’re intrigued enough to want to know more, how do you go about getting a second date?

How to Get a Second Date

The first way to ensure that you get a second date is to make sure the first date goes well. Avoid some common first date mistakes like talking too much about yourself, your ex or your dog. Don’t let your nerves get the best of you and cause you to overindulge in alcohol and try to be polite, friendly and upbeat.

Let Her Know You’re Having a good Time

If you want to have a second date, be sure to let your date know that you’re having a good time. Smile, laugh, even come out and say, “This is fun,” or “I’m having a good time!” This lets your date know that you’re comfortable and interested in her. It might help her to relax and stop worrying about whether or not you’re having a good time.

Ask Questions

One way to show that you’re interested is to ask questions of your date. This isn’t a job interview or interrogation, but if she’s talking about something, be sure to ask her follow up questions to show you’re listening and want to know more. “Why do you think that is?” or “What did you do next?” are good questions to ask when she’s trying to explain her point of view or telling a story. It shows you’re listening, are interested and want to know more about what makes her tick.

Lean In

One way to express interest is to follow your date’s body language. If she leans in, lean in with her. If she sits up in her chair, do the same in yours. Following someone’s body language is not the same as aping them. It should be natural and subtle.

Be Flirty

One of the reasons for this first date is to see if there is any chemistry between you two. While it may take more than one or two dates to realize if chemistry exists, don’t be afraid to flirt a little on the first date. Don't over do it, this is a first date, but little things like complimenting her, telling her she looks nice, holding the door for her or offering to get her drink express your interest and also let her know that you’re interested in her as more than just a friend or business connection.

Touch Her

The subject of touch can be, well touchy, on a first date. Some women want you to kiss them on the first date if you’re interested. Others would rather you wait to make your move. But small, subtle touches can go a long way. If you’ve met for dinner or drinks and things have gone well, a light touch to her shoulder or arm can signify that you’re interested. Touch is a big indicator of interest, but you don’t want it to be invasive or unnatural. Keep any touching to "safe" areas such as arms and shoulders and don't linger too long.

You can combine flirting and touching. For example, if she’s wearing a bracelet, you can say, “That bracelet looks nice on you,” and slightly touch her wrist and then look into her eyes. If she pulls her arm away, that’s a sign that she’s not interested. But if she doesn’t flinch and meets your eye contact, that’s a good sign. She may look away quickly if she’s shy, so don’t let that be a determining factor about whether she’s interested or not. Eye contact is important, but too much can seem creepy, especially when you don’t know someone very well.

Ask for the Second Date

If you want the second date, go ahead and ask! Some people say you should wait 72 hours to ask someone out for a second date. If you’re having a good time and you know you’d like to see her again, it’s perfectly fine to ask then and there. “I had a really good time tonight. I’d like to see you again. Can I call you?” is an easy way to do it. That way, you’ve let her know you’re interested, but you haven’t asked her specifically to do something. Chances are, she’ll give you the okay to call her and ask again. You also give her the opportunity to say yes or no when you call to ask for the second date, instead of putting her on the spot to say yes right away.

Follow Up

You've asked if you can call, now do it. Wait a day or two and call and ask her out on a second date. Looking for a date idea? Try one of these:
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