The first thing you’ll probably notice about someone is her picture. It’s natural to go first on someone’s looks. That’s great. But as you read her ad, look beyond that. Read what she has to say about herself and what she’s looking for in a partner. When you first respond to an ad, it’s important to reference something about her that is interesting to you or that you think you might connect on, not just her looks.
Make your response personal. Don’t just say, “I like your profile.” Say something so she knows you actually read what she wrote and that there’s something the two of you might connect about.
It’s important to not just mention something that caught your attention, but to also ask a question so she has something to respond to. Also, be sure to say something about yourself in the response.
How to Respond to her AdFor example, if she says she loves gaming and fan fiction, then reference that in your response. Say, something like. “I love fan fiction too. As a matter of fact, I’m a member of a Twilight Fan Fiction group online. What kind of fan fiction do you like?” Something like that can get the conversation started.
You can also mention something about yourself that isn’t in direct response to her ad. For example, “I live 20 minutes outside of Nashville. I race motorcycles and own an art gallery.” Keep your response relatively short and if you can find a way to use humor, that is always a good way to break the ice. Long messages can come off as a bit creepy, plus she might have a lot of other messages from other people and you don’t want her to skip over yours because it’s too long.
Be sure to check your spelling and grammar. Write your response off line in a word processing program that has spell check. Use regular English and not text message short hand.
Unless it is a casual encounters ad, don’t say anything about sex when you write. Make sure you’re positive and honest in your response. At the end you might want to go ahead and tell her your first name, that way she’s talking to you and not “Bunnyluver3365.”
If she writes back, that’s great! It’s something to hope for, but shouldn’t be expected. Try not to take it personal if you don’t hear from her. Some people are kind and write back to everyone, others are more selective. The reasons for her not responding may or may not have anything to do with you. Maybe she’s met someone she’s started dating. Or maybe she’s not responding to ads at all right now.
If she writes back and you like what she says, keep the conversations going for a little while, but it’s important to set up an in-person meeting sooner than later. If you’ve written back and forth three or four times and you think there might be a connection, suggest meeting for a drink or a cup of coffee. There are two reasons to do this. The first is that you don’t want to get into a situation where you’re just pen-pals. You got online to meet women, so get out there and meet them. Also, there is really no way to tell if the two of you have chemistry unless you meet in person.
Say something like, “I’ve enjoyed chatting with you. I think we might have a real connection. Would you like to meet up for a cup of coffee later in the week?” Better yet, if there’s something in her profile that you connect over, invite her to do something like that. “I notice you like documentary films and there’s a film playing that I’ve been dying to see. Would you like to join me?”
Or, “I have a cocker spaniel too. Would you like to go for a dog walk sometime?” Set a meeting time and place. And be sure to avoid these first date mistakes.