My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and I love her with my very soul. She's a wonderful and intellectual woman, and we always talk and communicate. (It took a while to get here) Unfortunately, we are having sexual issues. She says that she cannot have sex with me because she always gets too excited and wishes that she could impregnate me. She can't feel me and that frustrates her. We do use a strap on, but she wishes it were real. She doesn't want to be a man, but she wants a family with children that are biologically ours. Because of this, she will not make love to me. She says it drains her physically, mentally, and emotionally.
She Sleeps with other Women
On top of this, she sleeps with other women from time to time. She would rather have meaningless sex with them than have emotional sex with me, and that hurts me. I am flattered that she thinks this way of me, but at the same time, I feel neglected and wonder if she's telling me the truth. I am so in love with her and this breaks my heart because I have no idea of what to do to make this situation better. I feel helpless and alone. I do not want to lose her because of this, but what can I do? Is there any way that you can help me understand what is happening to us? I don't mind if you respond to me personally, but I really need some assistance with this issue.Dear Friend:
I can see why you would be frustrated because what she wants from you is impossible. Science has not yet successfully developed a way for two women to create a baby that is biologically both of theirs. Yes, this can be heart-breaking, but it has not stopped thousands of lesbian couples from having sex or from having babies.If she wants to have children with you, that is entirely possible. I think the two of you should talk about the ways that could happen.
There's Some Deeper Issues Going on Here
But before you start talking about having a family together, there is something else deeper that you need to deal with. It sounds to me like your girl has some serious intimacy issues. For someone like her, it is easy to have sex with strangers and people she is not in love with because she doesn’t have to be vulnerable.The sad part is that you’ve fallen for her story. This is not a healthy situation for either of you. I always say that it takes more than love to make a relationship work and this is a good example.
I do not doubt that the two of you love each other very much. But this dynamic you have is not working. I’d say this is a good time to see a good couple’s counselor and get to the bottom of her intimacy issues and your willingness to let her take control of the relationship.
What do YOU want out of the relationship?
I advise you to get clear on what you do want out of a relationship. Do you want children? A spouse who is faithful? A spouse who is able to be sexual and intimate with you? Then that’s what you should have!Don’t let this situation go on for one day longer. Take control of your life. If she won’t go to therapy with you, then take yourself. You owe yourself that much.
